My girlfriend talked about sex with my brother

[mc117]

Hello, I am on this site now because i have something to talk about. It involves my girlfriend, and i would like to know what other people think about what i have to say. My girlfriend is older than me, by 2 years almost, and she is actually my first girlfriend. I know that sounds weird, and it may sound like i am very young and inexperienced. I assure you I am experienced and mature for my age. I am 16, i have said on the site i was born in 1993, i was not, i was born in 1998. The birthdate of **/***/**** is actually the birthdate of a girl named ****. She is my ex-girlfriend, and the best girlfriend i have ever had. She was an online girlfriend, so my current girlfriend, is my first ever real life girlfriend. She is the reason im here. As you see in the title, she talked about sex with my brother. i told them both to stop. i didnt like it and she kept saying "its ok, were fine". that should be a red flag, and no thats not the first unloyal/disturbing thing she has done.

 

- She wanted to marry ********.

- She told me herself during an argument she has cheated on every guy she has been with.

- And she told her ex in a text that she loved him, because "he wanted attention".

 

These are all red flags and i should dump her before its too late. But my love for her has blinded me and now i need your opinions to help me decide what to do. I have already become emotionally attached to her, and have a deep love for her, and i know that when you read that you will wonder why i love her so much. Well, she said "i love you too" in a text to her ex while we were together, but probably during the first week. we have been together since Late 2014, so a little more than a month we have been together for. During a presentation for class she said her dream husband was Tech N9ne. that offended me because i always thought of her as my dream wife. I dumped her because it made me feel so hurt inside. but she convinced me it was just a fantasy and would never happen because he is married. that angered me because she ignored the fact it wont happen because we are together, not just because he is married. And she doesnt even know the guy! I even feel mad just talking about it now. But she made me feel bad for even getting hurt in the first place, so then we got back together. I started to gain my trust and respect back for her, and i of course loved her, but yesterday we got in an argument because i was paranoid she would cheat on me. i havent seen her for a week now because she is with her family for the holiday, but i was just being paranoid. she tells me she would never cheat on me, so i believe her. im satisfied with her response probably stupidly, afterwards i bring up the things ive told you about and said i havent gotten over it still, and she said she was sorry for all of it. and she tells me that her talking about sex with my brother is just who she is, and that if she does it its just talk. i tell her "dont do it period" (we are texting because she is with her family) and then she says "fine." It seems to anger her that i wont let her do that. she shouldnt be angry about it. then i tell her "i shouldnt have to tell you not to" and then we get in an argument and she says im bitching and that i dont talk enough, but i do talk enough she just doesnt notice. (im shy as well) During the argument she mentions she has cheated on every guy she has been with, so i get startled and surprised, and i say "i must be lucky" and you know what? she agreed with me. im lucky she hasnt cheated on me already basically, so you can bet that just makes even more paranoid than i already am.

 

This wraps up just about everything im worried about in this relationship.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

-sincerely, mc117

Edited December 28, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[d0nnivain]

I only skimmed your post but I am going to comment on the relevant parts that jumped out at me, with the caveat that you should know I'm probably older than your mom.

 

 

First the only sex advice I'm going to give a 16 year old child is NOT TO HAVE SEX.

 

 

Second, since you have only known her for about 6 weeks slow down. I don't care how old you are. That advice stands.

 

 

Based solely on the title of your thread, talking about sex is healthy. If you can't talk about sex, you have absolutely no business having sex.

 

 

Finally, any comment 18 year old children have about always doing anything has to be taken with a grain of salt. It's a relevant term. That said, her admission that she has cheated on every guy she has ever been with is a huge red flag. Do not give your heart away to someone who will be cavalier with it. If you do have sex use a condom & get tested for STDs.

[AVarma]

 

 

First the only sex advice I'm going to give a 16 year old child is NOT TO HAVE SEX.

 

 

 

Why exactly can a 16 year old not have sex? I knew people who had sex when they were 13/14 and are now pretty successful. What is the right age in your opinion to first have sex?

[d0nnivain]

Why exactly can a 16 year old not have sex? I knew people who had sex when they were 13/14 and are now pretty successful. What is the right age in your opinion to first have sex?

 

 

Sex is a mental exercise. You need a fully developed brain to understand the nuances of what is happening. Yes it is a physical act but it changes everything. It should not be rushed. At a minimum, I'd encourage people to wait until at least 18 & find somebody they have been connected to for at least one year before giving in to hormones. If we discouraged kids from being on the fast track to adulthood things would be better.

 

 

You can't legally sign a contract until 18. You can't enlist until 18. You can't drink in the US until 21. You can't drive a car until 17 & there are various restrictions about what time you can drive & who can be in your car until 18 in my state. All of those limitations are in place because of the consequences associated with those privileges & the maturity needed to handle the responsibilities. Sex is no different. Children having sex too young is a path to disaster, biological ability notwithstanding.

[AVarma]

Sex is a mental exercise. You need a fully developed brain to understand the nuances of what is happening. Yes it is a physical act but it changes everything. It should not be rushed. At a minimum, I'd encourage people to wait until at least 18 & find somebody they have been connected to for at least one year before giving in to hormones. If we discouraged kids from being on the fast track to adulthood things would be better.

 

 

You can't legally sign a contract until 18. You can't enlist until 18. You can't drink in the US until 21. You can't drive a car until 17 & there are various restrictions about what time you can drive & who can be in your car until 18 in my state. All of those limitations are in place because of the consequences associated with those privileges & the maturity needed to handle the responsibilities. Sex is no different. Children having sex too young is a path to disaster, biological ability notwithstanding.

 

To be fair the age of consent in most states is 16, which means most states have accepted that once you reach 16 you are mature enough to have sex. In many countries around the world the age of consent is even lower, it's 14 in Canada.

 

And while I do think waiting can be nice I don't think having sex early affects people all that negatively, unless they were molested of course. I know a few guys who had sex at 14 and they weren't exactly respectful to the girl afterwards, and they are all now pretty successful and even happily married.

 

Besides wait too long and women might start to think of you as an oddball. Having sex too early is better than having it too late.

[Tayken]

Why exactly can a 16 year old not have sex? I knew people who had sex when they were 13/14 and are now pretty successful. What is the right age in your opinion to first have sex?

 

You will hope they are using protection, but ideally no parent would want their little bob or jo to be banging someone at that age. Instead they will prefer they concentrate on school...last thing you need is a kid being distracted as they get close to finishing high school.

 

The rules are simple...work hard whilst young, so you don't have to while you are old, or worse still start looking for someone to leech off because you wasted your life away. I can honestly say once my child is 18, I am cutting that cord. I left home at 18 to backpack round Europe, came back and went onto University, paid my way and never went back home.

 

It only made me stronger and independent, as opposed to having my parents cooking for me and doing my laundry well into my 20s or 30s like some people Parents that do this aren't doing their kids any favours

 

That said, her admission that she has cheated on every guy she has ever been with is a huge red flag

 

An understatement...talk about the village bicycle and a ho

[Satu]

To be fair the age of consent in most states is 16, which means most states have accepted that once you reach 16 you are mature enough to have sex. In many countries around the world the age of consent is even lower, it's 14 in Canada.

 

And while I do think waiting can be nice I don't think having sex early affects people all that negatively, unless they were molested of course. I know a few guys who had sex at 14 and they weren't exactly respectful to the girl afterwards, and they are all now pretty successful and even happily married.

 

Besides wait too long and women might start to think of you as an oddball. Having sex too early is better than having it too late.

 

No, they haven't. They have made it legal, that's all. There's a difference between being old enough, and being mature enough.

 

Best not to confuse those two issues.

[mc117]

d0nnivain, i have read your post where tou replied to the relevant parts of my post, and i agree with all but one of your comments. Although sex is natural, and talking about it is natural too, i would not like my girlfriend to talk about it with other men. To me it is not a matter of naturality, it is a matter of respect, and loyalty. That is why i told her not to do that.

[Omei]

To be fair the age of consent in most states is 16, which means most states have accepted that once you reach 16 you are mature enough to have sex. In many countries around the world the age of consent is even lower, it's 14 in Canada.

 

And while I do think waiting can be nice I don't think having sex early affects people all that negatively, unless they were molested of course. I know a few guys who had sex at 14 and they weren't exactly respectful to the girl afterwards, and they are all now pretty successful and even happily married.

 

Besides wait too long and women might start to think of you as an oddball. Having sex too early is better than having it too late.

 

Its 16 years in Canada

And I agree with D0nn teach kids not to have sex till legal age imo because the thought they are mature enough to grasp the life changing situation at 16 has proven time and time again to not be true, when I had my child at twenty I didn't even have the comprehension of just how life altering and for how long you must put dreams on hold, I knew that it was hard and a life commitment but I never considered the big picture and I never considered ending up on my own ither if anything my head was filled with only the positive thoughts of being a parent I didnt ever truly understand how hard it is till I was doing it lol

 

At those younger ages in life my view of love and relationships was very naive I think thats true to almost any young person while we would like to believe we're super mature and wise in our teen years by the time one hits 30 nearly everyone realizes their thoughts back then are nothing like they are now.

Edited December 31, 2014 by Omei