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Blown off over a meaningless football game

Trenton100

By Trenton100
in Dating

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KatZee Established Member

KatZee

Posted
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Trust me, just let me know how old you are and the last time you were in a relationship. I'm asking for your trust....

 

OP is 40. He was married for 14 years. He has a 7 year old kid. Has dated several people since his divorce.

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SomeDude16 Established Member

SomeDude16

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I'm curious about why that matters.

 

You are 40. The fact that you've been in relationships tells me you're not an idiot. Because of your age And experience id peg the woman in her 30's. You really think a woman of that age cannot control her drinking habits? You really think that she cannot look out for herself? What do you have to lose by asking?

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SomeDude16 Established Member

SomeDude16

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Ok ready?

 

The topic is about watching a game over seeing me.

 

It isn't about her coming here. It never was.

 

Does that compute?

 

So you want her to ask you out then?

Zahara Established Member

Zahara

Posted
Posted (edited)
Oh I don't know...because having a girl at my place and mixing alcohol with it this early in the game is probably a bit too much?

 

Especially at 1pm when she would have to drive home?

 

Or how about I have a 7 year old I need to watch over?

 

Ya know, responsible sh#t.

 

No one needs to get hammered. If she knows she has to drive, she should be smart enough to control her alcohol.

 

You said you have nothing going on all day and can see her -- who would have been watching your kid then? If you had all day free to see her, guessing someone would have been watching your child, you could have suggested meeting her halfway somewhere so she's not driving all the way. No harm in putting it out there.

Edited by Zahara
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xXMarlboro_ManXx Established Member

xXMarlboro_ManXx

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The Patriots already have the #1 seed locked up I see this as a red flag ;)

Anderlie Established Member

Anderlie

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OP you're being super defensive about this and I'm not sure why. Honestly you haven't given this woman any options because you've shot them all down before they left the gate yet you're angry you didn't get anywhere? All she said was the game was on, it seems very self defeating. Give it another try and take the bull by the horns a bit, maybe that's what she wanted.

  • Like 5
Diezel Established Member

Diezel

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Posted

Or how about I have a 7 year old I need to watch over?

 

Ya know, responsible sh#t.

 

I don't understand then why you are upset that she didn't meet you at the last second. I mean, I understand WHY, but soon after you are saying you had a 7 year old to watch over, but you are also trying to go out with this girl?

 

"The game" isn't on all day, and I get that it's the Giants/Eagles game, but why not follow up with "Drinks after the game"?

 

You seemed to indicate availability ALL day but are also now indicating limited availability because, ya know, responsible junk.

 

I get that you are frustrated, but you need to approach this from a steadfast mentality of 100% confidence. When you ask in the way that you ask, it indicates uncertainty.

 

There is a world of a difference between "What are you up to tomorrow, I could see you." vs "Beer, wings, and maybe the 7 PM football game tomorrow".

  • Like 2
Trimmer Established Member

Trimmer

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"Great, beer, wings, and football at my place!!"

 

Why did you not follow up with this? She wins, you win. Relationships are about compromise.

 

Oh I don't know...because having a girl at my place and mixing alcohol with it this early in the game is probably a bit too much?

 

Especially at 1pm when she would have to drive home?

 

Or how about I have a 7 year old I need to watch over?

 

Ya know, responsible sh#t.

Arrrgh! Aside from your troubling reflex to spew reasons why something won't work (instead of looking for ways to make it work...), by focusing in on the minor technicality of the alcohol, you are missing the very important big picture of jab's comment. (And others followed you down that rabbit-hole distraction, arguing about age and drinking responsibly, etc.)

 

The issue isn't whether or not you're going to serve beer. The issue is: why didn't you respond with something like: "Great! <some kind of drinkable liquid>, <some kind of agreeable food>, and football at my place!"

 

Don't duck the issue by getting lost in the irrelevant detail of the beer. The point you missed is that you could have responded with a nice, easy-going suggestion to get together, and it would have been perfectly in pace with the conversation and her comments that (a) she didn't know what she was doing and that (b) the game was on. This was an opportunity that you missed, and that's the issue - not whether the drink you suggested serving was beer.

  • Like 5
Rydo Established Member

Rydo

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Posted

^^ exactly that. Maybe its just me but your posts come across a little whiney and entitled. After two dates you shouldn't expect her to use all her free time seeing you, excited or not.

ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

Posted
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^^ exactly that. Maybe its just me but your posts come across a little whiney and entitled. After two dates you shouldn't expect her to use all her free time seeing you, excited or not.

 

Yes, this. Take a step back, OP. You're getting offended after two dates - that's a bit dramatic. And no, you didn't ask her out. I'm a woman too and didn't get that sense anywhere in your question to her. If you want to ask her out, suggest a specific time and place. Asking her what she's doing is not asking her for a date. No need to get defensive about it.

  • Like 4
JuneJulySeptember Established Member

JuneJulySeptember

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Posted (edited)
I'm not expecting her to drop everything. We both get plenty of downtime as it is. My point is with our busy schedules we hardly have time as it is.

 

You know, I've heard so much complaining from girls about men putting sports above everything. What about vice versa? What if she asked me what I was doing and I came back with that? I guarantee I would be getting hammered with "a football game shouldn't be more important".

 

Not only that, its the freaking eagles-giants game are you serious? Do you even know their records?

 

That's the way women are man.

 

They won't be excited about you unless you really stand apart.

 

You've gotta work some in the beginning.

 

In my mind, at least that woman agreed to go on a date with me (for now). So, that's better than the many women who have rejected me straight up.

 

Also. Keep in mind, if she's TOO apathetic, then she loses out on you.

Edited by JuneJulySeptember
d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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My alma mater was playing yesterday & I watched the game. While I would have been OK with watching the game with a new guy, I would not have given it up for him. Heck, I didn't even give it up for my husband. You don't have to drink alcohol while watching Football & it might have been a nice date for you, her & your 7 year old. But hindsight is 20/20

 

 

Don't give up on her just yet. It was a miscommunication, a blip on the radar.

 

 

Try again if you like her. If you don't like her or you can't get past this, move on.

lauren13 Member

lauren13

Posted
Posted

Personally, I would probably reply similar. You were only implying you had no plans & were fishing for a suggestion to do something instead of actually suggesting a date. If you suggested something concrete; I'd reply with a different suggestion that wouldn't coincide with game time. :) ..If you did that you would also have a clearer answer to whether or not she actually likes you - if she just dismisses the suggestion without coming up with something else - then she's probably not that into you.

 

(that being said - I work in sports so might be slightly different)

  • Like 1
toscaroscura Established Member

toscaroscura

Posted
Posted
Arrrgh! Aside from your troubling reflex to spew reasons why something won't work (instead of looking for ways to make it work...), by focusing in on the minor technicality of the alcohol, you are missing the very important big picture of jab's comment. (And others followed you down that rabbit-hole distraction, arguing about age and drinking responsibly, etc.)

 

The issue isn't whether or not you're going to serve beer. The issue is: why didn't you respond with something like: "Great! <some kind of drinkable liquid>, <some kind of agreeable food>, and football at my place!"

 

Don't duck the issue by getting lost in the irrelevant detail of the beer. The point you missed is that you could have responded with a nice, easy-going suggestion to get together, and it would have been perfectly in pace with the conversation and her comments that (a) she didn't know what she was doing and that (b) the game was on. This was an opportunity that you missed, and that's the issue - not whether the drink you suggested serving was beer.

 

Agreed! You don't even have to serve any alcohol at all.

 

And if you were worried such an offer would seem too forward, just be cool about it if she decides to watch the game by herself.

 

To provide another perspective: I'm introverted, and while I don't know this woman from Eve, I know that for me, sometimes I just want to do my favorite "unwinding" activities by myself. It's not anything personal. Maybe she just wanted to enjoy her game alone in her cozy house with some snacks and a glass of wine or something.

 

It's not proof that she's not into you. Now, if this sort of thing becomes a pattern, it can mean that. But I wouldn't judge upon one occurrence.

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Trenton100 Established Member

Trenton100

Posted
  • Author
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^^ exactly that. Maybe its just me but your posts come across a little whiney and entitled. After two dates you shouldn't expect her to use all her free time seeing you, excited or not.

 

Ok, all her free time? Where do I say all of her free time?

losangelena Established Member

losangelena

Posted
Posted
Seriously, here I am thinking she's excited about me. I ask her what she's up to tomorrow and that I have nothing going on. What do I get?

 

"I don't know, the game is on".

 

Really? I like football like anyone else. Hell, I'm even a NE fan. But if I was excited about someone, I wouldn't put that ahead of a girl that I was genuinely interested in.

 

To me that might be it. Here's the thing about sports fanatics...they love a team that never loves them back.

 

Whatever.

 

I don't know, man.

 

This is simply an observation, but from the start with this woman, it seems like you're running quite hot and cold. At first you were upset because she was "multi-dating," but by your next thread you seemed very excited about her and even called her a unicorn. Now she SEEMS to be prioritizing football over seeing you and you're ready to call it quits? Why the extremes? What exactly are you expecting of this woman you hardly know (and really like)? If I were her, and ever knew you were feeling so capricious, I'd be backing away right about now.

 

You asked in a previous thread if you should let her make all the moves—unequivocally, no! You've gone out twice—now is the time for you to be making the moves.

  • Like 3
JBlackstone Member

JBlackstone

Posted
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So what did you end up doing? I'm a woman and personally if a man mentioned he was free and from that I am supposed to derive that he wants to see me? You have to be direct, especially at this point in the game. I would have sent the same response as she did. That's how women are. By her saying the game is on was, my guess, a subtle hint for you to suggest something. Women, or at least I do, prefer a man to be assertive.

  • Like 1
aggie382 Established Member

aggie382

Posted
Posted
I don't know, man.

 

This is simply an observation, but from the start with this woman, it seems like you're running quite hot and cold. At first you were upset because she was "multi-dating," but by your next thread you seemed very excited about her and even called her a unicorn. Now she SEEMS to be prioritizing football over seeing you and you're ready to call it quits? Why the extremes? What exactly are you expecting of this woman you hardly know (and really like)? If I were her, and ever knew you were feeling so capricious, I'd be backing away right about now.

 

You asked in a previous thread if you should let her make all the moves—unequivocally, no! You've gone out twice—now is the time for you to be making the moves.

 

This is totally the case!

smg15 Established Member

smg15

Posted
Posted
Seriously, here I am thinking she's excited about me. I ask her what she's up to tomorrow and that I have nothing going on. What do I get?

 

"I don't know, the game is on".

 

Really? I like football like anyone else. Hell, I'm even a NE fan. But if I was excited about someone, I wouldn't put that ahead of a girl that I was genuinely interested in.

 

To me that might be it. Here's the thing about sports fanatics...they love a team that never loves them back.

 

Whatever.

 

 

I need a girl like that, I take you don't like football

TigerLilly78 Established Member

TigerLilly78

Posted
Posted

Ive done dating hard out sports fans and I found it frustrating as well all mines free time was devoted to thinking about it talking about it or watching it. I tried to share that love with him but in the end I just couldn't as much as he needed/wanted so things didn't work out. Relationships have to have a give and take when it comes to such things and alot of the die hard sports fans ive met dont get that...

smg15 Established Member

smg15

Posted
Posted
Ive done dating hard out sports fans and I found it frustrating as well all mines free time was devoted to thinking about it talking about it or watching it. I tried to share that love with him but in the end I just couldn't as much as he needed/wanted so things didn't work out. Relationships have to have a give and take when it comes to such things and alot of the die hard sports fans ive met dont get that...

 

did you try to see him while the game is was on?

TigerLilly78 Established Member

TigerLilly78

Posted
Posted
did you try to see him while the game is was on?

I would hang out with him and watch the games together it seamed ok I figured I was doing the right thing. Even tho I had other interests in the end we ended up living together. And tho I always tried to be there for him he never tried to really share any of my interests so the one way street just got worn out after a while I guess..

guest569 Established Member

guest569

Posted
Posted

It sounds like you're not really interested in this woman. Or you are but you are making excuses to avoid asking her out.

 

I actually "blew off" my boyfriend for a football game early in the relationship. I basically said "the football is on. Get me a beer" he found it amusing, we rescheduled. I guess he wasn't particularly fragile.

 

I think she is basically waiting for you to ask her out. She didn't say "I'm busy blah blah" she said "i dont know, what have you got to offer?"

  • Like 1
BeholdtheMan Established Member

BeholdtheMan

Posted
Posted
But if I was excited about someone, I wouldn't put that ahead of a girl that I was genuinely interested in.

 

Son...you done answered your own question

Trimmer Established Member

Trimmer

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Posted
I think she is basically waiting for you to ask her out. She didn't say "I'm busy blah blah" she said "i dont know, what have you got to offer?"

Exactly my thoughts. The OP seems somewhat reactionary (in my field, we call it "high gain...") in that he took a non-committal, open-ended response as a "blow off" and walked away in frustration, when he could have parried with a response.

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