warrenorabbits Posted December 28, 2014 Posted December 28, 2014 A few weeks ago, this woman I've been acquaintances with for years started talking to me on Facebook out of the blue. We'd been talking by text/Skype every day since then and today was the day I was finally going to see her. Well, on our date today I discovered I wasn't nearly as attracted to her as I'd thought, either physically or personally. The whole affair was just really awkward, probably because we'd sort of been flirting with one another but neither of us really had the guts and/or drive to act on it in person. Plus, I think we realized we'd fallen in love with disembodied online shells of one another. So this should be the end of it, right? Wrong. Thanks to my imagining what a wonderful day this was going to be, with us passionately kissing and confessing our "love," I've been on the verge of tears all day and checking my phone/Facebook for texts incessantly. For this woman I'm not really that attracted to, if I strip away the emotions. When will I learn? I've done this before and gotten hurt just like today. But it's hard to avoid for me; I have a wild imagination and as soon as someone shows they're attracted to me they're a character in the romance novel of my mind. I don't really have a question, just want to vent and get some thoughts/commiserate.
Tayken Posted December 28, 2014 Posted December 28, 2014 When will I learn? I've done this before and gotten hurt just like today. But it's hard to avoid for me; I have a wild imagination and as soon as someone shows they're attracted to me they're a character in the romance novel of my mind. It's OK to vent, I do a lot of it myself on here However, you are either a masochist or living the definition of insanity. Do yourself a favour for your own health and sanity, and stop allowing yourself to be dragged in like this.
toscaroscura Posted December 28, 2014 Posted December 28, 2014 I think you might be mourning the death of the fantasy. It's hard to let go of that. This is why I'm not a believer in "falling in love" purely online. You just can't know chemistry and attraction over a computer screen. As you have unfortunately learned. 1
Author warrenorabbits Posted December 28, 2014 Author Posted December 28, 2014 I think you might be mourning the death of the fantasy. It's hard to let go of that. This is why I'm not a believer in "falling in love" purely online. You just can't know chemistry and attraction over a computer screen. As you have unfortunately learned. I think that that's exactly it. I've been asking myself why I'm getting sad if I truly wasn't attracted to her. As for not being a believer in that kind of love, neither am I. The logic is clear to me; the emotions, which are what I tend to go by, are a bit more complex ...
Gloria25 Posted December 28, 2014 Posted December 28, 2014 This is why I push to meet in person ASAP when doing OLD....cuz, it's too easy to look "good on paper". I think you can only find out if there's chemistry if you meet in person. Even though this isn't an OLD situation, people change. Someone you may have been high school sweethearts with might now be popping pills. Don't feel bad, you're not the only one. Now and then people call into my fav podcaster about reconnecting with someone and they have this whole grandiose fantasy based on what they "knew" or "thought they knew" about that person. Worst, this chick you're referring to - in your words - was an acquaintance....which, IMO, is someone you don't know intimately - even as a friend. So, chalk this up as a learned experience and to push for a meet in person ASAP - before building up all these fantasies about someone.
preraph Posted December 28, 2014 Posted December 28, 2014 I'm glad you realize you were just in love with an image in your head. So yes, you were disappointed. Love comes from inside you. It's so much easier to fit a person online into that ideal mold most of us have in our head and get carried away. You even Skyped, which will ordinarily give you a clue before you get in too deep that the person is not what you thought. So I guess this is the perfect example of how powerful face-to-face chemistry (or the lack thereof) is. Maybe more time on Skype would have eventually revealed it. You did everything right, so don't give up. Skype right away in the future, though, so the image doesn't have as much time to take hold.
shoegal4 Posted December 30, 2014 Posted December 30, 2014 (edited) Plus, I think we realized we'd fallen in love with disembodied online shells of one another. warren - I am going through something so completely similar with someone I met on Tinder. I am completely in love with this image I've made up in my head - I'm not so sure I'm in love with the actual person. I haven't even MET him yet and I'm like a sad little puppy dog. Like your situation, he's nice and we get along both on a friendship and flirtatious level but I know deep down I'm in love with the fantasy. I don't know this person from a hole in the wall and yet, I get butterflies when I speak with him and I get overwhelmingly happy when we talk during the day. Just seeing his name pop up on my phone gets me giddy. It is the saddest thing. And I do this to myself often, so you aren't alone. Edited December 30, 2014 by shoegal4
Redhead14 Posted December 30, 2014 Posted December 30, 2014 We've all done it. It's a learning process and the more you get out there and just go out on dates for the sole purpose of enjoying it and not projecting or having expectations, the easier it will get. Don't let fear get in the way. It's ok to have hopes, just manage expectations.
shoegal4 Posted December 30, 2014 Posted December 30, 2014 It's ok to have hopes, just manage expectations. Yes, perfectly said!
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