Author melancholy123 Posted January 1, 2015 Author Posted January 1, 2015 Sex with ex happened in the past and it is not the thing you think of when you meet them socially. There is a reason they are exes. Don't put any thoughts into her head over what is probably nothing. The guy did not do anything to deserve being dumped. I am all for cutting it off with exes and all, but not in all cases. I have one ex that I see every other year just to catch up because we spent 7 years together and were good friends. We are not interested in each other and nothing would happen even if we stayed together at a deserted island for 30 years, so I do not feel guilty or anything over seeing him. My bf has an ex like that too. One the other hand, I broke up one relationship because my bf at the time was not over his ex. He told me later he just needed time to process her out of his life, but I was not ready to give him that time and stick around. There is a big difference between exes, they are not some evil species but they are people, and people are different. Maybe if you weren't depressed and oversensitive to things, he would have told you back then. Maybe he tried to protect you. It didn't come out when it should have, and later it started looking to him like he is hiding something so he might have gotten scared of your reaction and finally he could not live with thinking about it every day for a year so he told you. Whatever you do, do not let this poison your thought process and don't get paranoid over things if you care for your relationship. Hear him out, talk to him and let it go at some point. As I told you in previous post, this guy seems trustworthy to me. I met some lying people in my life and those will never volunteer an info like that. Men sometimes need to be told things that are 'obvious' to us. I did it reluctantly before and it worked. Bottom line: if everything else is fine with this guy ask yourself if you are willing to dump someone nice because he was watching a movie in public with someone he used to date and did not tell you right away, perhaps to not upset you. Maybe your depression did something to him too... it is contagious. Be careful and do not do something you might regret. This is not a such major fault to throw everything away. Most of the people will lie to you, many will cheat, many will not be willing to give up on contact with exes, many will drink too much, have some latent psychological problem, etc etc, list goes on. Place it in a context, have a talk and ask all the questions you need to ask of him about that ex, and learn to forgive. Thank you so much for this perspective! This helps a lot... I'm just trying not to get so paranoid. He didn't have sex with this ex - so I'm glad that wasn't in the picture. They weren't that serious about each other. I do overreact, and in the past I have threatned to break up with him numerous times when all this ex-stuff came in the picture. He did tell me a while ago that he felt scared to be open about certain things because my moods and reactions are so unpredictable - which I do agree with, but hey I don't react over nothing? Something DOES trigger my reactions. Anyway, he's said he went to the movies with her as he would with any friend. It wasn't a date or anything as such. I asked him if there was anything else he lied about, and he said no. I asked him if she ever tried to be physical with him, and he told me that he had once tried to hug her but he refused the hug. After he stopped talking to her, she tried to message him a couple of times, but he didn't respond to those either. He doesn't hang out with any female one on one ever since I told him that I didn't find that acceptable. You've put things into perspective though. Maybe watching a movie isn't AS bad as things could have been? And maybe I'm blowing things out of context?
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