David_1 Posted December 27, 2014 Posted December 27, 2014 My partner has gone away for Christmas, and is basically saying that she's feeling suffocated by me - I find Christmas hard due to family loss, and turned to her for some sort of comfort even though she's hundreds of miles away. She told me in no uncertain terms that she was enjoying herself and that I was to leave her alone. We live together, and she starts work again soon but I am honestly quite worried that she won't come back. I have family, but I feel like they all get on with each other better than they get on with me - and due to the loss of my mum, I have no real family member that I can bond with, fully. I don't see my dad. I don't really have many friends. I have three friends altogether all of whom live pretty far away/live busy lives so we rarely see one another. I feel pointless in my existence, and the whole thing with my partner has just made it worse. I feel like she's going to leave me because I'm not 'happy' enough for her, because I 'bring her down' and - if she does, I don't know what I will do. I genuinely don't see the point in continuing to live. I sit in this flat day in day out on my own, and I feel like there is just no point. I feel like I have no-one. I don't know what to do about my life, about my partner, about anything. I feel like I'm just one big screw up and that everyone's lives would be better without me hanging around.
WonderWoman911 Posted December 27, 2014 Posted December 27, 2014 I can truly understand your reasoning for feeling alone. Needless to say, I think it's best for you to focus on your life and find things that makes you happy. Your girlfriend mentioned to you that she doesn't want to be in a relationship anymore,which can be a hard pill to swallow, but your life still has to go on and you have to stand tall and strong. She isn't supportive or giving you the comfort that you need as far you not having a real close knit family,loss of your mother,etc.So you don't need any extra negativity in your life,you know what I mean.You should find some hobbies or activities that makes you happy. That can help you take your mind off of the stress and you can possibly meet new friends. In addition, inspite of you feeling alone, know that you have a purpose in life.
Satu Posted December 27, 2014 Posted December 27, 2014 I feel pointless in my existence, and the whole thing with my partner has just made it worse. I feel like she's going to leave me because I'm not 'happy' enough for her, because I 'bring her down' and - if she does, I don't know what I will do. I genuinely don't see the point in continuing to live. I sit in this flat day in day out on my own, and I feel like there is just no point. I feel like I have no-one. I don't know what to do about my life, about my partner, about anything. I feel like I'm just one big screw up and that everyone's lives would be better without me hanging around. You do have someone - you have yourself. Ultimately, that's all any of us have, and that's why we have to take responsibility for ourselves and our wellbeing. Nobody can 'fix' you. Absolutely nobody. Not your girlfriend, not a friend - not even the best therapist. That leaves you. You have to fix yourself. Even though I've said that a therapist can't fix you, I think you should start long-term therapy because therapy can help. You should also see you doctor and arrange for a psychiatric assessment. Be there for yourself. Don't abandon yourself.
d0nnivain Posted December 27, 2014 Posted December 27, 2014 Her concerns do not arise from your unhappiness but from your attempts to smother her. You feel disconnected from most people & are clinging to her which is overwhelming for her. You have to find a way to stop. Whether you exercise, find peace within yourself or reconnect with your own family you can't put too much pressure on her. She is not solely responsible for your happiness & you will drive her away if you continue to act like she is required to make you happy. When she comes home make a concerted effort to be more independent. The holidays do make it harder because there is so much pressure to conform to somebody else's version of a happy family at Christmas but if you can chuck that social conformity out & build your own tradition . . . the thing that makes you happy, alone or with others, that will help shrink what you feel as a hole in your life & you will stop trying to force her into filling it for you.
Author David_1 Posted December 28, 2014 Author Posted December 28, 2014 Her concerns do not arise from your unhappiness but from your attempts to smother her. You feel disconnected from most people & are clinging to her which is overwhelming for her. You have to find a way to stop. Whether you exercise, find peace within yourself or reconnect with your own family you can't put too much pressure on her. She is not solely responsible for your happiness & you will drive her away if you continue to act like she is required to make you happy. When she comes home make a concerted effort to be more independent. The holidays do make it harder because there is so much pressure to conform to somebody else's version of a happy family at Christmas but if you can chuck that social conformity out & build your own tradition . . . the thing that makes you happy, alone or with others, that will help shrink what you feel as a hole in your life & you will stop trying to force her into filling it for you. This reply is spot on. I have been clinging to her... she talks about support so much, that I guess I expect a degree of it from her. I don't feel that she has been supportive. But yes, I do need to make myself happy. I struggle immensely with my own company, I find it horrible. What I'm also worried about is that we were supposed to be spending NYE together, but now we're not talking, so what do I do now?
d0nnivain Posted December 28, 2014 Posted December 28, 2014 What I'm also worried about is that we were supposed to be spending NYE together, but now we're not talking, so what do I do now? Assuming she comes home, you plan a kick ass NYE. You make it all about her. No clinginess, no what you want. Romance the woman If she doesn't you do whatever it takes to not call her. Since I'm sentimental -- one text at 12:01 that says: Happy New Year. I love you. Can't wait for you to come home. But nothing else.
Author David_1 Posted December 28, 2014 Author Posted December 28, 2014 Assuming she comes home, you plan a kick ass NYE. You make it all about her. No clinginess, no what you want. Romance the woman If she doesn't you do whatever it takes to not call her. Since I'm sentimental -- one text at 12:01 that says: Happy New Year. I love you. Can't wait for you to come home. But nothing else. I was supposed to be meeting her, but I will follow this advice. I like this advice, thank you.
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