SycamoreCircle Posted December 27, 2014 Posted December 27, 2014 Do you agree that as a "survivor" of selfishness, deceit, gaslighting, emotional dishonesty, anger, psychological projection, in short abuse, you are more sensitive to that trait in other people now? And if so, how would you deal with a new potential courtship where you recognize that? Specifically, I'm speaking of anger. I sense an anger in her, not directed at me, and not directed at any one in particular. It is a general dispersed anger, so so subtle. Completely harmless right now. 1
acrosstheuniverse Posted December 27, 2014 Posted December 27, 2014 If you've been on the receiving end of anger badly enough to consider yourself a 'survivor' then you're playing with fire getting involved with somebody who displays that trait to such an extent that it's visible very early on. I had a lot of anger in my house growing up, and I'm sensitive to it in other people now. I can handle it fine in my working life, in strangers, but when it's from someone I'm really close to like a partner, it really sets me on edge. Something as silly as a partner getting really bad road rage and acting irrational and aggressive can remind me of those traits in some of my family members. And it upsets me, because it reminds me of how scared and upset I used to feel back then, trapped. When I have had relationships with guys who've had anger issues it has been rocky, volatile, and full of horrible nasty frightening arguments. If I see it in somebody from the start now I simply won't proceed. Similarly, having had a parent with an addiction to substances, I can't even tolerate a partner smoking Cannabis or getting severely drunk on a regular basis, so I will halt dating if those traits appear. The crux of your question, yes I believe you're inevitably much more sensitive to something when you've been through it yourself. Question is, why would you continue dating someone who has issues with anger? 2
Author SycamoreCircle Posted December 27, 2014 Author Posted December 27, 2014 Your excellent answer confuses my question! When you brought up weed! I vape weed which encourages a more philosophical and loquacious me, so I wouldn't necessarily feel threatened by the prospect of a partner who used weed. So, does my sensitivity to anger in another person find a more leveled attitude? Do we wait to feel the pin prick?
acrosstheuniverse Posted December 27, 2014 Posted December 27, 2014 Your excellent answer confuses my question! When you brought up weed! I vape weed which encourages a more philosophical and loquacious me, so I wouldn't necessarily feel threatened by the prospect of a partner who used weed. So, does my sensitivity to anger in another person find a more leveled attitude? Do we wait to feel the pin prick? Well, your choice to smoke Cannabis is your choice, and if it's not a problem for you or any potential romantic partners it could be replaced just as easily with anything else. Anger, meanness, tightness, unfaithfulness. Only you can answer that, can't you? Although you're sensitive to anger, are you sensitive in the sense that it bothers, upsets, worries, or concerns you? Does it bring back bad associations? Or are you just sensitive in the sense that you can notice it, but it doesn't have a bad effect on you?
Diezel Posted December 28, 2014 Posted December 28, 2014 Are you asking if after being in a relationship with a BPD person, are you more susceptible to noticing BPD-like traits? Then yes. Anger isn't necessarily a bad thing, though. I have plenty of anger from instances earlier in my life, but I used that anger to fuel all the positive changes in my life. It became a positive thing. It's dangerous when the anger is a negative trait and it separates you from everyone else or more likely to criticize. It just depends.
SparklingandBroken Posted December 31, 2014 Posted December 31, 2014 I can't decide if I'm more sensitive to spotting it, or more confused thinking if I see a sliver of those traits that it's going to be another terrible situation.
Gloria25 Posted December 31, 2014 Posted December 31, 2014 Not everyone comes from perfect backgrounds, but if they start using you as their punching bag to let out all their frustrations at their past, present, future - whatever...I would launch. I mean, I think some people think that their SO is "supposed" to just "sit there and take it" cuz they're an SO...I call that abuse. I mean, it's good to be supportive of your partner - cuz duh, that's why we get into RLs, to get someone on our "team". But, IMO, you shouldn't abuse of your partner. IMO, with guy's "protective" nature and women's desire to "nurse/nuture" people. Some people have a misplaced sense of obligation to someone who IMO, uses alleged mental illness games to control and manipulate people.
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