Volcke Posted December 27, 2014 Posted December 27, 2014 Ok so quick backstory before I go into my tirade of issues. Throughout middle school I was a social and sexual wreck, I sat in the back of class reading books and blurting out random words or phrases that I found funny. Of course none of my classmates found anything I said funny so I continued my hermitage. I was one of very few guys in the eight and ninth grade yet to kiss a girl, mostly due to my awkward demeanor and ... Less than stellar features(think awsome legs skinny arms and massively broken nose on a long bespectacled face with awful hair...like is snape ever got in a few fights). So I decided I'd use freshman year and the rest of high school to try to rewrite myself more or less, I'm still introverted and paranoid and odd looking as ever but now I hae a better grasp of society and it's comedy. For the first few months of school I was unknowingly being pursued by a girl ... I flirted with her a bit jokingly because I didn't actually think she was into me. This happened with another girl as well but then I met her , my Bailey. My little southern belle. At a art meeting prior to my football game. I was awkward as ever, so I was surprised when I actually got a number at the end of the meeting without even asking for it. And to skip the middle, we wound up dating, losing our virginities and falling in love... The problem is.. After being with a girl for so long and never having even dated another girl,let alone kiss or otherwise one, my curiosity as begun to appear again, and I'm beginning to fear that I may have fallen for her to quickly without actually knowing what else exists. Is it love I'm feeling, or teenage attachments based on time spent together ... I'm considering asking her if while were in college(same or other) we open up the relation ship a bit and check to make sure we've chosen correctly... I'm not sure if I'm being ridiculous or horny or whatever but it's really confusing and frightening, primarily due to the fact that she doesn't believe in divorce.. Which means life is life. And I don't want to make her and my life a living hell because I was afraid to look around... But if I do I'm afraid she'll leave and never forgive me. I'm sorry this was so long, but it's just kind of more confusing than anything i've ever felt before. I feel like an ass everytime. I talk to girls now because over the course of high school I apparently developed an attractive personality and girls get interested for what seems to me no reason( ie secret Santa I ask around a bit and get them a good present because that seems normal to me). And I can't say whether I like it or not.
acrosstheuniverse Posted December 27, 2014 Posted December 27, 2014 It's quite normal to have concerns over whether or not your partner is the right one for you, if it's a first love that has dragged on and you've never had chance to see what it's like to be someone else. It's especially common in scenarios such as yours, where you didn't have many options with women, got with your girlfriend, but then found out you were suddenly more appealing to the opposite sex once you've committed to somebody. However, if you're concerned enough that you're contemplating actually asking her whether you should open the relationship up or not, I have to say I don't think it's going to work. I don't think she's the girl for you, if you're able to contemplate allowing her to be with someone else, and interested enough in being with others that you would risk your relationship. You should know that 99% of the time, if you ask your partner to be more open to seeing others, in order to 'check' you made the right decision, you will destroy what you have. She will probably be so horribly upset that you could even imagine being with someone else that she will end it, or stay with you and be so hurt it's hard to get past it and you don't get what you feel you need anyway. On the rare chance that you do end up both agreeing to open up the relationship, you probably don't feel strongly enough about each other to resist falling for someone else, and to reunite at the end of the period of experimentation. Especially when you know what else is out there. My advice? Either leave her, and go explore, or put the idea to bed and focus on what's good about your relationship and why you're so lucky to have such a solid relationship. I doubt your suggestion of the middle ground will work out. It's okay for first loves to fail. The absolute vast majority do. It's part of life and a learning process.
coolheadal Posted December 27, 2014 Posted December 27, 2014 Doubts are starting to come to your mind. You sound not ready to commit anyone right now in long-term relationship the might turn into marriage with a girl who doesn't believe in divorce. This would trap you in where there is not place to escape too! Play the field a bit too see others women first.
Author Volcke Posted December 27, 2014 Author Posted December 27, 2014 (edited) Thanks for the answer guys, I forgot to mention a/some weird flaws I have. I'd rather this girl be happy than be with me(meaning I'd be willing to give her up to make her happy) this directly ties to a mental/emotional issue I've always had. My emotions aren't as acute as I feel they should be. When people get sad or happy about stuff it confuses me. When my parents divorced a year ago I just shrugged and said saw it coming.my emotional thing was I saw it coming. Like my great grandmothers death. Anything with even a hint of warning doesn't bother me. It might be because I lived over half my life without friends and I've moved so much that relationships are a commodity that doesn't bother me. I'm hard to make laugh or sad or anything really. It's almost like I'm a sociopath, minus not understanding consequences. I appreciate little things in life, the birds sky, nature and some peoples natures. But it's just not emotional. It's hard to explain now that I Think about it...but it could be one of the problems in my relationship. Any tips or if you've heard anything else about this would be awsome.. I know it's off topic . But thanks Edited December 27, 2014 by Volcke
preraph Posted December 27, 2014 Posted December 27, 2014 It's completely normal how you're feeling. In my opinion, college years and the 20s are a great time of expansion when you should be changing and meeting different types of people than you've ever known before and changing accordingly. It's hard to do that while staying with your high school sweetheart. I'm sure there are couples who managed to stay together while each went to college, but I don't think that's the norm. I think college and just being 20 and changing environment makes people change in different ways and it's not usually toward each other -- but it can be if you truly share a lot in common as far as interests, long-term goals, etc. Your girlfriend may envision you getting married right away and starting a family, while you see yourself having some freedom in college. I find it hard to believe you're going to be okay with her taking up with some other guy. I think no matter what's going on, that's going to put you into a tailspin of possessiveness. Most guys would like their freedom while keeping their thumb on their old girlfriend, which isn't fair. Is she going to the same college at the same time as you or do you not know yet? Do her goals include a college education and a career, or does she not seem definite about what she wants, or does she just talk about being anxious to marry and have kids? I fear she may just be waiting for you to pop the question. If she has her own goals and isn't just priming herself to be your wife, then your chances of finding some freedom without wrecking her are greater because she might want some as well. Why don't you stay away from the specific subject of freedom for now and just find out what her goals are, then see who goes to school where, and then you'll both have to face some choices when that time comes. If you feel you truly love her and get along well with her and haven't wanted to leave her until now, it might be foolish to let her go, something you might regret. But most people outgrow their first love, though they always hold a special place in their heart for them.
Author Volcke Posted December 27, 2014 Author Posted December 27, 2014 (edited) She want to be an occupational therapist, the reason it would destroy her is because she's had less than good luck with other boyfriends, abusive sexually, physically and mentally. And she's extremely clingy due to finally not being beat by someone. It's a long story, by if she's ever thinks I'm near breaking up with her she breaks down and has a panic attack and gets really depressed. And she has also already started looking at dresses, honeymoon spots etc. Edited December 27, 2014 by Volcke
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