newlyborn Posted December 27, 2014 Posted December 27, 2014 (edited) is it emotionally dysfunctional to be drawn to people who push the boundaries of others a bit? i realize that i find it exciting when someone pushes me to go a bit farther than i had intended, and i give in: whether saying more about how i feel in a moment, jumping into the deep end of the pool, going to the second bar in a row. i guess because i am generally reserved and guarded, i appreciate it when friends and romantic partners push me to risk more. and i find people who push others more exciting, too. it occurs to me, though, that this may not be healthy and that it may be evidence that something is wrong with my picker. any thoughts? thanks! Edited December 27, 2014 by newlyborn
Country_Girl Posted December 27, 2014 Posted December 27, 2014 is it emotionally dysfunctional to be drawn to people who push the boundaries of others a bit? i realize that i find it exciting when someone pushes me to go a bit farther than i had intended, and i give in: whether saying more about how i feel in a moment, jumping into the deep end of the pool, going to the second bar in a row. i guess because i am generally reserved and guarded, i appreciate it when friends and romantic partners push me to risk more. and i find people who push others more exciting, too. it occurs to me, though, that this may not be healthy and that it may be evidence that something is wrong with my picker. any thoughts? thanks! That's a really good question. You know, I think it's situational. Jumping in the deep end of the pool, sounds more adventurous to me- maybe someone trying to get you to break out of your shell, sounds healthy to me. Bar hoping- could be risky, depends, how many drinks did u have at the first bar? You have to take these things on a case by case basis. Are you breaking morals you have established for yourself- then yeah, probably a problem. Is it something you've wanted to do but lacked a little motivation (partner in crime)- might not be a boundary depending on what it is. Breaking Boyndaries- Breaking morals, goals, things you stand for, things you wouldn't do sober, things you have to be repeatedly talked into. Adventurous- things you have thought of doing but maybe lacked the confidence without another.
acrosstheuniverse Posted December 27, 2014 Posted December 27, 2014 Nah, most women want a leader, not a follower, it's attractive. As long as those boundaries are fun, safe ones (like having an extra couple drinks, jumping into a pool) and not red flag ones (drug-taking, law-breaking, moral-violating) then it's all good and understanding. We generally want a partner to be exciting! 1
Author newlyborn Posted December 27, 2014 Author Posted December 27, 2014 Nah, most women want a leader, not a follower, it's attractive. As long as those boundaries are fun, safe ones (like having an extra couple drinks, jumping into a pool) and not red flag ones (drug-taking, law-breaking, moral-violating) then it's all good and understanding. We generally want a partner to be exciting! yes, this makes a lot of sense. there is also usually the insinuation that you can go ahead, relax, and have a little fun and still be safe because that person is around. i guess i was just wondering about the audacity of people who insist on something beyond a person's first no. (not talking about drugs, sex, illegal behavior, just nervous preferences.) i never really insist if a person seems hesitant or says no initially. so i find it intriguing to be around people who do.
acrosstheuniverse Posted December 27, 2014 Posted December 27, 2014 yes, this makes a lot of sense. there is also usually the insinuation that you can go ahead, relax, and have a little fun and still be safe because that person is around. i guess i was just wondering about the audacity of people who insist on something beyond a person's first no. (not talking about drugs, sex, illegal behavior, just nervous preferences.) i never really insist if a person seems hesitant or says no initially. so i find it intriguing to be around people who do. Well, sometimes a person declines to do something based on nervousness, or insecurity, but when you gently push them to do it they find out they have a great time doing it after all. There's a fine line, and you must always take someone's final 'no' as a no, don't push people into something they feel really uncomfortable with or blunder ahead whatever their wishes are... but it's definitely attractive when someone tries to help you expand your boundaries. There's nothing wrong with trying to persuade someone to do something as long as it's not like you say, drugs, illegal behaviour, sex. And as long as you respect someone's firm boundaries when they make it clear.
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