kaylan Posted December 27, 2014 Posted December 27, 2014 Just looking to see what you folks do when you get urges to chat up other people while casually seeing someone. Lets say the situation is physical, no serious commitment, but you've only been seeing each other. We get on great, but only get to hang out once a week, so sometimes my hormones make me crazy.
Leigh 87 Posted December 27, 2014 Posted December 27, 2014 Just looking to see what you folks do when you get urges to chat up other people while casually seeing someone. Lets say the situation is physical, no serious commitment, but you've only been seeing each other. We get on great, but only get to hang out once a week, so sometimes my hormones make me crazy. I have a high sex drive too. The only way I stop getting urges to see others, is when I meet a guy that makes me want to stop. Certain guys I meet - I feel enough chemistry and enough excitement surrounding exploring them, that I just stop wanting to have sex with other people. You will meet certain girls Kaylan that make you stop wanting to get your rocks off with others.
PogoStick Posted December 27, 2014 Posted December 27, 2014 You will meet certain girls Kaylan that make you stop wanting to get your rocks off with others. Lies! Not true either! 1
Dallers Posted December 27, 2014 Posted December 27, 2014 haha so true. I have had this problem with the last two girls I have been seeing both are weekly to two weekly meets but I only like seeing one girl at a time and it is not enough for me. High sex drive is great and has lots of benefits to the body but I am not sure why you are worrying, you clearly want this girl so enjoy the high of wanting her. I totally love that feeling when you want someone so bad and cannot have them, once you finally see them you are always two steps above any other man in the bedroom because you have built up so much tension it makes you super human in bed. Keep looking about and don't stop casual is casual and I assure you that she will be looking about! Do not think she isn't, she is.
Rydo Posted December 27, 2014 Posted December 27, 2014 Just looking to see what you folks do when you get urges to chat up other people while casually seeing someone. Lets say the situation is physical, no serious commitment, but you've only been seeing each other. We get on great, but only get to hang out once a week, so sometimes my hormones make me crazy. I don't stop myself unless I have agreed to be exclusive. Could be ignoring my perfect girl just because I've been on a few dates with someone. 2
Rydo Posted December 27, 2014 Posted December 27, 2014 Huh? I know men who have fallen head over heels in love with a girl. Yes the girls were beautiful but not super models or even model material! One guy slept around every weekend before meeting my good friend! Sometimes a girl genuinely knocks a guys socks off. Early on too. The point is it will take the guy actually willing himself not to have sex with other people. Monogamy is not a natural state for a human, especially a man.
acrosstheuniverse Posted December 27, 2014 Posted December 27, 2014 I don't stop myself unless I have agreed to be exclusive. Could be ignoring my perfect girl just because I've been on a few dates with someone. This. Why are you even trying to keep your mind from wandering? If you're not committed or exclusive, you're single. You are free to do what you want. In the past I've even been more spurred on to see other guys while dating someone I like, almost a mentality of 'in a few weeks' time I could be in a relationship again for months or years so might as well have my fun now' and also as a way of avoiding getting too focused on one person when it might not work out. You shouldn't miss out on meeting the partner of your dreams just because you're FWB with someone or have been on a couple dates. You don't owe anyone anything until you're together. 1
Author kaylan Posted December 27, 2014 Author Posted December 27, 2014 (edited) The point is it will take the guy actually willing himself not to have sex with other people. Monogamy is not a natural state for a human, especially a man. Incorrect. Monogamy is natural for many humans, but its serial monogamy usually, not lifetime monogamy. Many men do just fine in relationships, and dont have to will themselves not to have sex with other women. I can tell you that when I was with my ex girlfriends I had no desire for other women.I don't stop myself unless I have agreed to be exclusive. Could be ignoring my perfect girl just because I've been on a few dates with someone. Well its sorta agreed upon, but not a serious commitment. We call it casual dating without outside distractions. I actually prefer it this way, and normally dont see more than one girl at a time if Im already physical with someone. Its just safer health wise, reduces drama, and I dont have the most time in the world.This. Why are you even trying to keep your mind from wandering? If you're not committed or exclusive, you're single. You are free to do what you want. In the past I've even been more spurred on to see other guys while dating someone I like, almost a mentality of 'in a few weeks' time I could be in a relationship again for months or years so might as well have my fun now' and also as a way of avoiding getting too focused on one person when it might not work out. You shouldn't miss out on meeting the partner of your dreams just because you're FWB with someone or have been on a couple dates. You don't owe anyone anything until you're together. I think you guys misunderstand me. Im not looking for a relationship or the partner of my dreams. Im basically saying that I get horny, and get in moods where I would simply just want to have sex with an attractive woman. Considering Ive built sorta a friendship with the girl Im seeing, Id figure it would be drama for either of us to go around banging other people. Now if we happened to meet someone really worth pursuing seriously, then that wouldnt be a big deal I dont think. But neither of us are looking for that....so simply screwing other people wouldnt be ideal...healthwise or in terms of keeping drama low. Edited December 27, 2014 by kaylan
acrosstheuniverse Posted December 27, 2014 Posted December 27, 2014 Newsflash... if you can't screw other people casually without it causing drama, you're not actually in a commitment-less FWB scenario there may be feelings on both or either side. And how are you going to find someone else significant, when you're ready to, without being free to meet, date, screw other people?
d0nnivain Posted December 27, 2014 Posted December 27, 2014 Your mind may occasionally wander. As your body doesn't follow & you are back on track shortly, it's no big deal. If you are only seeing somebody casually with no commitment or promise to be exclusive, both your mind & your body are free to wander. If you want exclusive & more time with someone, step up to the plate.
coolheadal Posted December 27, 2014 Posted December 27, 2014 Wandering minds for those who are dating currently. So most wander since they're not really into who their with. Like your looking for someone else to have a better time with. A backup plan. Wander all you want but remember to be fair on the girl your dating. She's connected to you but you still want to wander away from her when you have that backup plan with the wandering girl you have met. To me all this wandering around shouldn't be happening if you and the current girl are really in love with each other from the eyes, heart, mind, feeling deeply, emotionally, physically and spiritually. If you don't feel this way then you shouldn't be seeing the person you with if start wandering around with your eyes.
PogoStick Posted December 27, 2014 Posted December 27, 2014 I have yet to talk with a married guy friend who will tell me he has no desire to bang the hot waitress. They do not hold back because their wives have hypnotised them with amazing love and beauty, they hold back because they don't want to ruin the marriage. In other words, the desire is always there.
d0nnivain Posted December 27, 2014 Posted December 27, 2014 To me all this wandering around shouldn't be happening if you and the current girl are really in love with each other from the eyes, heart, mind, feeling deeply, emotionally, physically and spiritually. If you don't feel this way then you shouldn't be seeing the person you with if start wandering around with your eyes. I disagree. I am happy married. I have previously been in healthy long term monogamous relationships (10+ years). Every so often a handsome man will come into my purview. Of course I look. Not ogle. Not chase. Maybe flirt a little but nothing inappropriate. The momentary infatuation rarely lasts more than an hour or two. It's harmless & in no way a threat to my marriage. Looking is one thing. Acting is something else. Here the OP is in a casual relationship with his partner. There is nothing wrong with his mind wandering. Yes, there may be a problem if one's partner cannot routinely command the bulk of their attention but an occasional roving eye is not the end of the relationship, as long as only the mind/ eyes are the only things that wander & it's only once in a while. 1
Author kaylan Posted December 27, 2014 Author Posted December 27, 2014 (edited) Newsflash... if you can't screw other people casually without it causing drama, you're not actually in a commitment-less FWB scenario there may be feelings on both or either side. And how are you going to find someone else significant, when you're ready to, without being free to meet, date, screw other people? I'm free to talk to other people... She is to. I think we just have an understanding on limiting the physical stuff. I think most people would agree sleeping around is rarely without drama especially when you have a consistent fwb. At least my experience has taught me that. So along with the health risk and increased pregnancy risk (condoms aren't 100%) I usually sleep with one woman but keep it open if I wanna casually talk to other people. Then if I decide to pursue someone else I cut things off. Not saying I wanna do that... Just that's what I've done in the past Though I'll admit I'm not 100% clear of the parameters of my current situation. Edited December 27, 2014 by kaylan
Gloria25 Posted December 27, 2014 Posted December 27, 2014 I don't know, but I've heard that some guys - when they are cheating, they sometimes want "more" sex with the person they are cheating on. Which sorta doesn't make sense, right? Why would you want more sex with your SO when you're getting sex on the side? I've heard that it has something to do with testosterone...Like, since you got one woman "igniting" flames that haven't been ignited much, now you're burning and thirsty. Genders aside, I think that when we're seeing someone that's doing "something" for us (sexing us, making us feel confident/desired), we sorta emit that feeling. We get cocky, confident, and sorta want to "spread our wings" if you will. I think we all get those feelings, but maturity steps in when you don't act on those feelings (i.e. cheating on your SO). You said you and this chick agreed to a casual thing, so if she and you are not exclusive, I don't see why you'd feel bad about chatting up other chicks.
Recommended Posts