Superman2024 Posted December 27, 2014 Posted December 27, 2014 So I recently asked a female cousin of mine about one of her FB friends. She said she didn't know her really well but remembered her as being friendly and that I should send her a message. I sent this girl a message and after 5 days she replied saying it was extremely sweet with a smiley face and asked what I'd like to know about her. Basically I said I was curious if she was looking for a relationship at the moment if the right guy happened to come along (her relationship status is single). She read it with no reply. After 4 days I sent another message suggesting we chat so we could start learning about each other and asked her a couple of questions. Again, she read it with no reply. About 6 days later I sent her a friend request and she accepted it. My cousin offered to send her a message to put in a good word for me. A couple of days later all she got was this response: "thank you girl." We were both a little confused by this. That was just a couple of days ago. I know the holidays can be a little crazy and that she lost her dad not too long ago. I'm not sure if these are factors at all or if this is just a really nice way of her saying I'm not interested. I'm just going to wait a while and see what happens but her reactions are throwing me off a bit.
Country_Girl Posted December 27, 2014 Posted December 27, 2014 I would not pursue her anymore. I know this is not what you want to hear, but I think she accepted the friend request only because you know mutual people. It was a courtesy thing. I have accepted 'friends' of 'friends' on Facebook that I had no interest in, even though I know they were interested in me. I did it only as to not appear rude, since I run into these people at mutual get together's like holidays and bbq's and stuff. These are guys that are my best friend's husbands friends, so since I see them from time to time, and even though they expressed interest in me to her husband- I didn't want to be a jerk and decline due to lack of interest. I make sure I don't comment on their pages as I would never want to send a mixed message. You sent 2 messages in 10 days with no response. I hate to say it, but she is not interested. Don't read into the fact that she accepted the friend request, it was a courtesy thing. If she was interested you would have heard something by now. Don't send any more messages.
Ninjainpajamas Posted December 27, 2014 Posted December 27, 2014 I know you probably read some of the retard advice on the forum and see people say crap like... "Women like a man who's direct"... But that's not the way it works or plays out in real life, you have to "play the game" first...it's about timing, what you say, how you say it, when you say it and how the woman responds to it. You need to feel things out a little bit first...you needed to establish a foundation first. You started off pretty well it seems based on the first reply, you had a chance to get to know her on some level without showing all of your cards...but then you went straight for the throat without even knowing the girl...that directness could have very well scared her off and at this point cost you because you went he desperate route and sent her a follow-up message, and that's how women respond in reality..the more mysterious guy usually gets the girl versus Mr. straight and forward...it's off putting and boring to them and they get creeped out by your lack of tact in the situation. You've already shown how interested and available you are, and women don't like that unless you're a GQ model with a lucrative job...they've got to have the hots for you or it's got to be situational, if the setting is right. Guys who know what they're doing know how to create that out of thin air, but if you don't you'll end up being rejected over and over again. You need to stop looking at everything like it's a resume...it doesn't matter if she's single if she's not interested in you, the fact that her father died has nothing to do with her interest in you...that's you making excuses. You've got to think about what you're doing before you do it, and you need to let things flow at a normal and genuine pace...if you jump on her too soon she'll take off like a cat and then she'll give you that face from like 50 yards away as if you're a complete psycho and then casual continue on her way. This girl is very very likely not interested at this point, so nothing you're going to do will change that...the best thing you could do is pull off and just sit back, don't message her, don't contact her, and if you see her again act like it never even happened. If she considers for whatever girly reason to give you a chance..after maybe seeing you in real life, and noticing you aren't too creepy or ugly in person, she may reconsider. But if you're creepy, ugly and stupid then she's not going to be interested at all....and yes women will be very polite and sweet to you just to make sure you don't go creepy psycho obsessed rejected mode and start acting a fool or saying stupid things to her..they just want things to go away peacefully and they don't want to experience the awkwardness...they don't tell you when you're being rejected, if they don't get back to you, that's their rejection....you walk at that point, you don't think about it, you don't get butt-hurt over it, you just keep your cool and let it go like it never happened. 3
ExpatInItaly Posted December 27, 2014 Posted December 27, 2014 You moved way too fast here. The first question you asked her - before even speaking to her in person - is whether she's open to a relationship? That's so off-putting. Why did you not ask more about herself first? Anyway, she's not interested. She would've responded by now if she were. Take it as a lesson learned - slow down! 6
Satu Posted December 27, 2014 Posted December 27, 2014 She's made it clear that she doesn't have any interest in you without saying so directly. Turn your attention away from her.
toscaroscura Posted December 27, 2014 Posted December 27, 2014 Okay I have been hit on via Facebook out of the blue by men I have never even met before. It's uncomfortable and awkward. I don't log onto Facebook to date. It really has nothing to do with who he is; it's just that my mind isn't receptive to that via Facebook! Plus, with all the dating websites out there, Meetup and real life venues, it just seems kind of desperate to hit on a girl you've never met on Facebook. In fact, in my particular experience, it seemed like he was trolling for booty more than anything else. In the future, I'd suggest keeping the first message very brief and just like "hey, we know each other through Becky, can I add you?" Become friends, then use your cousin to arrange a group outing where you can actually meet this girl in the flesh if possible. But even then, it's a long shot. 2
Author Superman2024 Posted December 27, 2014 Author Posted December 27, 2014 I've actually had a couple of people tell me I moved too slow and should've asked her on a date! Trying to make a connection with people online almost seems more complicated than real life, but they are people you normally wouldn't have access to. OLD hasn't worked out too great so I'm seeing how FB works. I'm going through a mutual friend or family member so it doesn't seem completely random. I can be pretty direct since I don't want to waste time, so maybe she thought I was moving too fast. My first message was a little flirty and I mentioned that I noticed she was single, so I was pleasantly surprised when she gave me that good response. On dating sites you already know that someone is looking for a relationship so I was wondering if she was. I didn't intend to imply that we should be in a relationship right now but I think it came across that way. I'm definitely not going to send her any more messages and I think the only chance I'd have with her is to see her in person at some point.
ExpatInItaly Posted December 27, 2014 Posted December 27, 2014 I've actually had a couple of people tell me I moved too slow and should've asked her on a date! Trying to make a connection with people online almost seems more complicated than real life, but they are people you normally wouldn't have access to. OLD hasn't worked out too great so I'm seeing how FB works. I'm going through a mutual friend or family member so it doesn't seem completely random. I can be pretty direct since I don't want to waste time, so maybe she thought I was moving too fast. My first message was a little flirty and I mentioned that I noticed she was single, so I was pleasantly surprised when she gave me that good response. On dating sites you already know that someone is looking for a relationship so I was wondering if she was. I didn't intend to imply that we should be in a relationship right now but I think it came across that way. I'm definitely not going to send her any more messages and I think the only chance I'd have with her is to see her in person at some point. You cannot treat FB like OLD. It isn't the same. People on OLD sites go there with the express purpose of looking for a date. FB is a social network and you simply can't approach it in the same way. FB is full of peoplelooking for dates, admittedly, but I can tell you as a woman that getting such a message from a virtual stranger is generally a huge turn-off. In future, get to know someone first before asking anything about their status or relationships. 2
Author Superman2024 Posted December 29, 2014 Author Posted December 29, 2014 FB isn't OLD but I've read about other guys using it with some success. Since I'm getting tired of OLD, I'm trying it out to see what happens and so far most women don't seem to mind. I'm also getting a better response rate. When someone who's single shares their relationship status I don't think it's unreasonable to contact them, especially when there is a mutual friend. I know it's not for everyone though. I agree I shouldn't have asked that soon if she was looking for a relationship, but I don't think it was enough to be a deal breaker. I had no plans to send her another message, but I just thought of something. What if I said something like this: "Thanks for the friend add, though I doubt we could be more than friends anyway." Maybe it's a bad idea but the reverse psychology of it might work.
toscaroscura Posted December 29, 2014 Posted December 29, 2014 I agree I shouldn't have asked that soon if she was looking for a relationship, but I don't think it was enough to be a deal breaker. Apparently she did though. I had no plans to send her another message, but I just thought of something. What if I said something like this: "Thanks for the friend add, though I doubt we could be more than friends anyway." Maybe it's a bad idea but the reverse psychology of it might work. *Groooooaaan* no. How very awkward. I'd just be like, "ummm, ok?"
ExpatInItaly Posted December 29, 2014 Posted December 29, 2014 FB isn't OLD but I've read about other guys using it with some success. Since I'm getting tired of OLD, I'm trying it out to see what happens and so far most women don't seem to mind. I'm also getting a better response rate. When someone who's single shares their relationship status I don't think it's unreasonable to contact them, especially when there is a mutual friend. I know it's not for everyone though. I agree I shouldn't have asked that soon if she was looking for a relationship, but I don't think it was enough to be a deal breaker. I had no plans to send her another message, but I just thought of something. What if I said something like this: "Thanks for the friend add, though I doubt we could be more than friends anyway." Maybe it's a bad idea but the reverse psychology of it might work. Definitely do not send that. She couldn't be clearer that she isn't interested. Just leave her be now.
PinkCarnations Posted December 29, 2014 Posted December 29, 2014 Please do not send her that message. That's possibly the lamest thing you can send someone. If I received that message, I would be think, "WTF??? Wow, you're cool. Not."
JuneJulySeptember Posted December 29, 2014 Posted December 29, 2014 So I recently asked a female cousin of mine about one of her FB friends. She said she didn't know her really well but remembered her as being friendly and that I should send her a message. I sent this girl a message and after 5 days she replied saying it was extremely sweet with a smiley face and asked what I'd like to know about her. Basically I said I was curious if she was looking for a relationship at the moment if the right guy happened to come along (her relationship status is single). She read it with no reply. After 4 days I sent another message suggesting we chat so we could start learning about each other and asked her a couple of questions. Again, she read it with no reply. About 6 days later I sent her a friend request and she accepted it. My cousin offered to send her a message to put in a good word for me. A couple of days later all she got was this response: "thank you girl." We were both a little confused by this. That was just a couple of days ago. I know the holidays can be a little crazy and that she lost her dad not too long ago. I'm not sure if these are factors at all or if this is just a really nice way of her saying I'm not interested. I'm just going to wait a while and see what happens but her reactions are throwing me off a bit. That's really forward. But in reality, that's how things work. Females have to be attracted to you, and then you go from there, right? But... The way I'm thinking, you picked her out of a profile of a cousin's friends list. So, she must be quite attractive. So, she gets such forward requests all the time. You probably have to be REALLY good looking to pull such a thing off being so forward with any woman. But especially with attractive women.
bathtub-row Posted December 29, 2014 Posted December 29, 2014 I think you started out fine but once someone doesn't respond to you, I wouldn't keep pursuing or asking questions. It makes you look like a doormat. I'm the first one to tell a guy not to give up on someone that they're really interested in because women like persistence. But you can't do it in such a way that you come across as weak. When she didn't answer you the first time, after a few days you could've asked if she got your last message. If you got no response after that, I would've dropped it completely. Instead you kept trying to divert her lack of response by pushing in another way. This is not the way to be persistent.
elaine567 Posted December 29, 2014 Posted December 29, 2014 What you should have done is struck up a conversation with her, her cousin could have filled you in with the details of her relationship history or if she is looking for a relationship, asking her outright was just cringeworthy IMO. You should have been friendly and just let it flow, or not flow as the case may be. A few short comments on her posts, a few likes on her photos, a short message on something of mutual interest... As it was, the pressure was on immediately and that stinks of desperation on your part, desperate for a gf or desperate for sex, or it maybe shows you are some sort of player, chatting up loads of girls on FB, in the hope one takes the bait.
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