Chahy377 Posted December 27, 2014 Posted December 27, 2014 Now that I've moved on from the guy I was seeing, I'm feeling very lonely. There was a guy I met a few weeks ago, but I didn't pursue things because I didn't think it was a good idea to...but I've found myself thinking about him and thinking of reaching out...just need someone to tell me straight up Positives He's everything I want physically He's very intelligent/socially aware Great sense of humor Will take care of a female Has his own apt/job Can be very attentive Negatives He has a girlfriend He cheats on girlfriend Has tried to cheat with me He's obsessed with Instagram Continuously adds and likes sexy pics of girls Has had sex with over 100 girls Plays video games all day Soooo...I think it's bad idea. But I can't get him out of my mind and we connected as far as conversation, intellect...at least I thought so. I would never have sex with him while he has a gf....but I was thinking of becoming friends and seeing if he'll like me enough to give it a chance. I know this sounds incredibly stupid....but I know this can possibly happen...I'm being very honest, and it's what I'm struggling with right now. It's why these forums have helped me so much because I can be completely honest.
bachdude Posted December 27, 2014 Posted December 27, 2014 Is a relationship with this guy worth a broken heart to you? Because you know an alley cat like him isn't a one girl type of guy. Unless you can date him without any expectations at all of him being committed and faithful, just know right out of the gate you will be hurt. And I wouldn't think you'll be the one that finally gets him to abandon his player ways and be devoted to you. Someday he may grow up and be content with one woman at a time in an adult relationship. But what are the odds that will happen now, with you? A: Second to none. He's just to busy sowing his wild oats right now. The choice is yours 1
Country_Girl Posted December 27, 2014 Posted December 27, 2014 I can see both the appeal and lack of appeal. Do what feels right, but often, lust/passion will lead us in the wrong direction. Should you pursue it, I think you'll be hurt. My concern is if you go the 'friend' route, you might become more attached and more willing to go back on your word of not pursuing things while he is Ina relationship. Maybe he'll try to convince u he will break up with her in the future, to let your moral compass temporarily slide. I was once friends with a guy that had a gf, I never did anything inappropriate other than secretly crushing on him. And to be fair, he didn't have a gf when I first met him. I held on to the friendship, still secretly pining. A month after they broke up, he started kissing me and we slept together. We hooked up occasionally for 3 months. Stupid me thought it was going somewhere, not only had we know eachother 3 years but he invited me away to his family's cabin Labor Day weekend. I ended up being just a rebound/fwb for him. It did not end well, I haven't talked to him in 2 months now. That's why I say don't do it, don't allow yourself to be a form of back up option for him. Go out and date others. Chances are he knows you have some kind of feelings. If he truly cares, the thought of you going out and dating might prompt him to make a change if he is truly unhappy in his relationship. 1
Author Chahy377 Posted December 27, 2014 Author Posted December 27, 2014 I can't seem to get him out of my mind. The only time we officially hung out was he had asked me to the day before last minute. I couldn't so the next day I asked him if he was busy, he said it was his intention to hang out with me today. So he came to my place, I decided it would be better if we went out. He drove me to a bar, and told me how he kicked his gf out of his house that morning...making it seem like they had ended things. I knew that it probably was just a fight so I played it cool, and talked about it with him, talked about her perspective etc etc....I didn't try to hit on him. he acted weird the whole time, and just wasn't very responsive. After half an hour he wanted to go home and play video games. He apologized for the way he was acting and said next time he would be more fun. It just threw me way off because up until that point our conversation had been awesome. It was such a let down Needless to say the next day, they were back together and he seems to have taken some of the advice I gave him. He posts more pics of her on Instagram and it's very clear now that he has a gf on there (one of the reasons they fought) He's probably not a good guy because he cheats on his gf, he's lacking in character and morals. I don't know why he is still appealing to me. I need to meet other guys...not sure how
Diezel Posted December 27, 2014 Posted December 27, 2014 Not sure how to meet other guys? Just make an online profile, it's way easier and way more guilt-free than trying to bang someone else's lying boyfriend. 1
Redhead14 Posted December 27, 2014 Posted December 27, 2014 I can't seem to get him out of my mind. The only time we officially hung out was he had asked me to the day before last minute. I couldn't so the next day I asked him if he was busy, he said it was his intention to hang out with me today. So he came to my place, I decided it would be better if we went out. He drove me to a bar, and told me how he kicked his gf out of his house that morning...making it seem like they had ended things. I knew that it probably was just a fight so I played it cool, and talked about it with him, talked about her perspective etc etc....I didn't try to hit on him. he acted weird the whole time, and just wasn't very responsive. After half an hour he wanted to go home and play video games. He apologized for the way he was acting and said next time he would be more fun. It just threw me way off because up until that point our conversation had been awesome. It was such a let down Needless to say the next day, they were back together and he seems to have taken some of the advice I gave him. He posts more pics of her on Instagram and it's very clear now that he has a gf on there (one of the reasons they fought) He's probably not a good guy because he cheats on his gf, he's lacking in character and morals. I don't know why he is still appealing to me. I need to meet other guys...not sure how It is very likely that you are missing the guy you say you've moved on from and this guy showed you at least a little bit of attention and that felt good. I would say that you are truly not over the other guy and you should spend a little more time and not date for a bit. This guy will be bad news for you and another broken heart right now will create more issues for you. Give yourself a break, do some fun things for yourself and with your friends. When you've truly gotten over all this, you will begin to relax and be more open to being approached by men. They can sense when a woman is tied up in knots. Get happy with being single again and then just go out and have fun. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted December 27, 2014 Posted December 27, 2014 Yep, it's a bad idea. You're putting yourself in a position to get hurt if you think he's suddenly going to realize he likes you more than his girlfriend and leave her. Yes, it happens. But there's no guarantee and the risk is your emotional well-being. I would cut him off and date other guys who are actually available to date you. Also, he's crap boyfriend material and you know it - he's a cheater. You're kidding yourself if you honestly count "taking care of a female" among his positive characteristics if he clearly disregards his current female's feelings and cheats. That's him taking care of his own needs above of anyone else's. Wake up, girl. 3
Country_Girl Posted December 27, 2014 Posted December 27, 2014 The other thing to note is, let's say he breaks up with his girlfriend tomorrow and starts dating you. If you two were to start having problems would he run to another female for advice/options? Sounds like this guy is playing it safe, ensuring a backup plan should things go south. Like another poster said, try online dating, there are many free sites. That way you can pick and choose who to respond to. But chances are, once u start receiving attention from other people you will forget all about this guy. The good thing is, you've already created a positive/negative chart, which means you haven't placed him on a pedestal. That's half the battle right there.
Author Chahy377 Posted December 27, 2014 Author Posted December 27, 2014 The other thing to note is, let's say he breaks up with his girlfriend tomorrow and starts dating you. If you two were to start having problems would he run to another female for advice/options? Sounds like this guy is playing it safe, ensuring a backup plan should things go south. Like another poster said, try online dating, there are many free sites. That way you can pick and choose who to respond to. But chances are, once u start receiving attention from other people you will forget all about this guy. The good thing is, you've already created a positive/negative chart, which means you haven't placed him on a pedestal. That's half the battle right there. I really want to forget about this guy...in my head I keep thinking what if. And I enjoyed the attention he was giving me. You're right about the whole cheating thing...I would always wonder about it...even now I'm sure there are other girls he's talking to besides me. I've tried online dating and have had some pretty awful experiences. It's like the guys have so many options they just cant focus on anything or anyone. I've decided to give it a rest for now, maybe pick it up again when I feel better about myself.
preraph Posted December 27, 2014 Posted December 27, 2014 Ask him if he knows anyone like him in every way except the cheating. Don't get romantically involved with him unless you too consider it a transient relationship -- and yes, there are times one knows they're not looking to grow old together, and that's okay. But if you're the type who gets overly attached to guys you know are transient, then don't even get involved. Only do it if you can keep from getting attached, which by your post, doesn't sound like it since you already can't stop thinking about him. He will do the same to you. Time better spent dating a new person.
d0nnivain Posted December 27, 2014 Posted December 27, 2014 Use him as a fantasy but don't go anywhere near him in reality. Think about the positive qualities you like & look for them in an available man.
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