How Am I Handling Things?

[Leigh 87]

may i ask why instant chemistry is so important to you? and, by chemistry, do you mean that feeling of instantly knowing someone that people sometimes get when meeting others or just intense physical attraction?

 

for many people, attraction builds in the early stages of getting to know someone, and those feelings sometimes deepen into love. so why do must everything be instant for you?

 

I don't want a guy who thinks oh she's plain or average and then have to grow to think I'm pretty or attractive.

 

I prefer them to find me gorgeous upon first site. Just like how you have your own preferences.

[newlyborn]

I don't want a guy who thinks oh she's plain or average and then have to grow to think I'm pretty or attractive.

 

I prefer them to find me gorgeous upon first site. Just like how you have your own preferences.

 

oh, i see. it is understandable to want to be perceived as attractive by the people who are pursuing you.

[Diezel]

So the gist of the last 6 to 7 posts is: Thanks for your advice, but I never really need advice, I think I know what I am doing, so I'll just stick to that.

 

Correct?

 

Want to ask us again how you are handling things?

[Leigh 87]

So the gist of the last 6 to 7 posts is: Thanks for your advice, but I never really need advice, I think I know what I am doing, so I'll just stick to that.

 

Correct?

 

Want to ask us again how you are handling things?

 

 

 

Guy 1 stopped taking to me it just faded out. I don't care. So clearly I was sincere when I explained that I enjoy documenting the men in my dating life. That's all it is. I honestly don't care if they we just stop talking unless I feel a rare connection which clearly doesn't come about often.

 

I think it's fine that I'm wanting to date the Iris guy. I am really excited to see how it plays out. I do realize he could be a piece of crap liar which is always dissapointing.

[Rejected Rosebud]

I think it's fine that I'm wanting to date the Iris guy. I am really excited to see how it plays out. I do realize he could be a piece of crap liar which is always dissapointing.

But how can you date him, isn't he flying back to Ireland today or has he left already? This is gonna be like the legendary "Berlin guy" right? where you meet once have what you perceive to be a huge connection and then obsess over him for a year? There is nothing wrong with having a fling with a vacationer!! I'm happy you are having fun, but I am not seeing "dating" or anything going anywhere in this story. That doesn't make him a piece of crap liar, either, I'm sure he finds you attractive and desirable!!

[Leigh 87]

But how can you date him, isn't he flying back to Ireland today or has he left already? This is gonna be like the legendary "Berlin guy" right? where you meet once have what you perceive to be a huge connection and then obsess over him for a year? There is nothing wrong with having a fling with a vacationer!! I'm happy you are having fun, but I am not seeing "dating" or anything going anywhere in this story. That doesn't make him a piece of crap liar, either, I'm sure he finds you attractive and desirable!!

 

 

He lives in Australia.

 

 

He's in Western Australia. I live in the East Coast.

 

 

He visits his sister once a month near to where I live.

 

 

He has enough money to fly me know extra times as do I ( occasionally)

 

That's if he's for real when he's confessed time that he really wants to make things work.

[Rydo]

I am not lying you can look at my pictures I recently put up - I am not everyone's cup of tea and I am average to most but you can probably see why I have a certain market out there and I always attract men - as many people in their 20's do.

.

 

How to not be rude... No I don't see it. You go on about your looks too much, there is a fine line between confidence and over confidence. I'm glad you are at least confident but sometimes the way you go on about your looks it is as if you are constantly looking for some kind of validation.

 

You have a quirky personality and I'm sure that attracts some guys but you need to try to focus more and not jump from one instant connection to another.

 

For the record the instant connection you go on about I have never had with anyone and I dated an underwear model. It just doesn't happen the way you like to think, but lots of guys are good at making you think that it has happened. Trust me on that.

[Leigh 87]

How to not be rude... No I don't see it. You go on about your looks too much, there is a fine line between confidence and over confidence. I'm glad you are at least confident but sometimes the way you go on about your looks it is as if you are constantly looking for some kind of validation.

 

You have a quirky personality and I'm sure that attracts some guys but you need to try to focus more and not jump from one instant connection to another.

 

For the record the instant connection you go on about I have never had with anyone and I dated an underwear model. It just doesn't happen the way you like to think, but lots of guys are good at making you think that it has happened. Trust me on that.

 

Well I am attractive enough to have the luxury of seeking out men who at least find me pretty from the outset.

 

And to me instant connection means the instant chemistry and attraction while also liking their ppersonality.

[Rydo]

There is someone for everyone. Every girl should be looking for someone that finds them pretty from the outset, not just those above a certain level of attractiveness.

 

Instant attraction and liking personality isnt the same as instant chemistry.

 

Tbh I dont think you know how the chemistry will work til it gets physical. Unless I have the wrong definition of chemistry.

[GemmaUK]

He lives in Australia.

 

 

He's in Western Australia. I live in the East Coast.

 

 

He visits his sister once a month near to where I live.

 

 

He has enough money to fly me know extra times as do I ( occasionally)

 

That's if he's for real when he's confessed time that he really wants to make things work.

 

 

You are kidding here right?

 

 

You met him what 2 or 3 days ago and he is talking 'make things work' ???

 

 

Huge red flag there!

That's not normal behaviour even with instant chemistry (which I have had in the past).

 

 

I suspect he is a charmer, says all the right things and has all the same values as you..no doubt...

 

 

Seriously, watch your back here Leigh. Trust your instincts.

[Leigh 87]

You are kidding here right?

 

 

You met him what 2 or 3 days ago and he is talking 'make things work' ???

 

 

Huge red flag there!

That's not normal behaviour even with instant chemistry (which I have had in the past).

 

 

I suspect he is a charmer, says all the right things and has all the same values as you..no doubt...

 

 

Seriously, watch your back here Leigh. Trust your instincts.

 

yeah I am not expecting him to be genuine but he didn't carry on about making it work, he just said that he'd like to continue seeing me and that he'd make the time despite living across the country.

 

There are no alarm bells yet insofar as my instincts as concerned. Too early for that.

[Leigh 87]

yeah I am not expecting him to be genuine but he didn't carry on about making it work, he just said that he'd like to continue seeing me and that he'd make the time despite living across the country.

 

There are no alarm bells yet insofar as my instincts as concerned. Too early for that.

 

But I know men and I certainly know that the majority of them that come on sort of strong tend to not mean what they say and only view you as attractive enough for sex yet not someone they want to date.

 

I'm not expecting much haha. I half expect to never hear from him again; guys that have seemed very attracted to me and who said that they had a fantastic time with me have disappeared. Often. They had their fun, realized I wasn't going to have sex, and had no need to continue dating me despite being attracted to me. I never care since I guess I must not have invested in them or been that into them.

 

With this Irish guy I will be a little perplexed if he just stops talking since I ddid feel that he genuinely really liked mee. However, I won't be surprised. It happens a lot. ..guys whoseem to be into you dissappear often, after all.

[GemmaUK]

..guys whoseem to be into you dissappear often, after all.

 

 

No they don't, not usually, they stick around.

The sane ones also just 'show' they are into you rather than say things that are way to forward.

[Leigh 87]

No they don't, not usually, they stick around.

The sane ones also just 'show' they are into you rather than say things that are way to forward.

 

 

Well I've gone on mere second dates with men who have then just disappeared in the last two months. I thought it was just normal after two dates.

 

So if the Irish guy just stops talking to me I won't exactly be surprised. Guys who have seemed really into me have disappeared twice in the past, last year, so I almost expect it.

[Leigh 87]

Irish guy rang me today and asked me if I'd like to come with him to the airport. He paid for my rather expensive return ticket of course.

 

We hung out for a few hours.

 

 

He said he would love me to come visit him for my birthday. Western Australia is the only part of my country that I have not yet visited. I absolutely love traveling to new destinations so it would be a great present ( the trip is the kind of present I tend to give myself anyway). The fact it's to see him is a real bonus.

 

So far I feel more intense chemistry with him than I have with other men. I also love spending time with him. I really adore bus personify that I've gotten to know so far which, admittedly, isn't much. Two dates albeit lengthy, is still nothing.

 

I date guys primarily in the late 20s or beyond. They seem to have had girlfriends and know if they meet someone different or with potential.

 

I hope I can continue getting to know this guy and see what happens.

 

He also comes in February. He flies here once a month.

[GemmaUK]

yeah I am not expecting him to be genuine but he didn't carry on about making it work, he just said that he'd like to continue seeing me and that he'd make the time despite living across the country.

 

There are no alarm bells yet insofar as my instincts as concerned. Too early for that.

 

 

Just going back to this and your last post - it's too early for your instinct to kick in but not for him to have said something (even if he didn't 'carry on' about 'making things work') and already wanting a basic stranger to visit and to want to pay for their trip?

 

 

I hope he calms down but is sincere but please be careful. Someone so full on like that when he doesn't know you, you don't know him, neither of you have known each other long enough to earn each other's trust is going very very fast and isn't a good sign of a healthy future relationship at all.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Also, on another note, I saw your other thread about your plans and with so much coming up dating someone long distance is likely to be off the agenda isn't it if you want to save some pennies to get through Uni?

Full time study, running a website once it's set up and the long days and early starts of being a market stall owner are going to be pretty exhausting as it is I would have thought.

Plus to make money from the market idea you'll need to bear in mind initial outlays, a vehicle for shifting stock, hangers, a marquee, rails and signage, pitch rent, storage costs for stock, stock itself and the shipping of stock plus travel costs of sourcing that stock from Hong Kong.

[Rejected Rosebud]

About the "Irish guy." Just try to see the identical parallels between your reactions to the first guy from last week and this guy. You just met them, you don't know them at all, you are instantly attributing all kinds of characteristics to them and projecting about your "relationships" when there is NO foundation. Basically they are strangers to you.

 

That is a problem!!! I know your passion for the guy last week has gone out, but you can still learn from the experiences you have.

 

If this latest passion you have doesn't play out into the fairytale you are expecting I hope you will take a look at the actual things that happened instead of just what's happening inside your head! Happy new year!

[FitChick]

Full time study, running a website once it's set up and the long days and early starts of being a market stall owner are going to be pretty exhausting as it is I would have thought.

Plus to make money from the market idea you'll need to bear in mind initial outlays, a vehicle for shifting stock, hangers, a marquee, rails and signage, pitch rent, storage costs for stock, stock itself and the shipping of stock plus travel costs of sourcing that stock from Hong Kong.

 

Don't talk sense!

[Leigh 87]

I really don't know how it will play out. I also don't go in expecting a fairy tale ending.

 

I love travel to places I haven't yet seen. The trip to visit him will be done with my frequent flyer miles so I'm not paying for the flight.

 

We are just strangers who met on a train. I fell for his personality and I also happened fo feel a high degree of chemistry.

 

I'm just enjoying getting to know him. So far, I like the fact that it was his personality that I fell for initially a day the great sexual chemistry just happened to come along with it.

 

I have a lot going on this year so the fact he's only here once a month suits me just fine. ....If we miss each other unbearably and we need more contact then next year I can just transfer to the university in western Australia and move to him or he could get a new job and come here.

 

This is purely hypothetical.

 

 

 

 

On a side note - I had a long distance relationship before. I was 17. We lasted 2.5 years. He ended up moving to be with me.

 

My parents were also in a long distance marriage for several years.

 

My recent ex (shudders) lived 4 hours away from me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I have a lot of experience with men. I know what I'm looking for. ..When I find a man who makes me feel a certain way after first meeting him then I explore it.

 

It's all good people. I'm not expecting anything at this stage. Life is short and I explore things that I feel could potentially be worthwhile. I'll be fine if it doesn't amount to anything and I would have made sure to have had fun in the interim.

 

 

 

 

 

Both me and Irish have a busy schedule ahead. He is project manager at a mining site with 12 hour days minimum. I'll be studying full time and workin two days a week at markets.

 

Absence either makes the heart grow fonder or....not.

 

The plus side is that we cannot run the risk of taking things too fast when it comes to moving in and the frequency at which we opt to see one another.

 

Due to our schedules we will only make things work in the long term if we are really sure about things.

[Rejected Rosebud]

 

Due to our schedules we will only make things work in the long term if we are really sure about things.

So this is exactly the same situation as that drummer guy from a couple of weeks ago isn't it! Did you and he make the decision together that you both were not fully passionate and committed to make a long term relationship work? I remember you posting about that but then you got swept up about a few other guys between that time and this! You move real Fast!!

[Leigh 87]

So this is exactly the same situation as that drummer guy from a couple of weeks ago isn't it! Did you and he make the decision together that you both were not fully passionate and committed to make a long term relationship work? I remember you posting about that but then you got swept up about a few other guys between that time and this! You move real Fast!!

 

 

Oh. I thought drummer guy was really hot. He is. He did end up texting me two weeks or so later wanting to hang out. We hooked up. There was no connection beyond the physical.

 

I didn't talk to him again again and then he sent me a happy new years text. He then texted me again wanting to hang out. Asked if I wanted to have some fun . I texted no sorry, that I wasn't keen on having anymore fun and that I was interested in someone who I wanted to focus on.

 

He texted a few more times saying that he thought I was really attractive but I haven't responded. I'm over fun and I'd rather find love.

 

I upgrade to guys who I like more than the last... I have had a string of guys where we had great chemistry but not much else. Our personalities didn't mesh well enough. Now, I'm only interested in the guys who personalities I feel are more compatible with mine. Still with plenty to of natural attraction and chemistry.

 

Since being single I've also noticed that some of the guys whom you " feel" you would get along with really well- don't feel the same way. ..As is the case with Berlin guy and also the guy this thread originated from. .. we just didn't get along as well as I had hoped for. I can see that in retrospect, I just got excited about them and the sort of just wanted us to get along well since they excited me without really seeing how well we connected on multiple levels.

 

In my life I've met one guy I connected well with on all levels - I still talk to him daily and we call each other to talk when we are down. He is the guy I met at a concert a few months ago. He has clinical depression and needs to sort himself out before he's able to be fit for a relationship. That's why we are not together.

 

That guy is the only one where I've had strong attraction that was instant for both parties AND who I can laugh with and who I connect with on a personal level. Hence why we still talk daily about everything.

 

The other guys I can now see I merely had excitement and chemistry with, which I believe was mutual, yet we didn't have much... A few fun conversations on the phone..that's it.

 

So I'm getting less excited about new guys I meet whilst at the same time. .. shooting for higher and higher than the last. I mean, now I'd rather wait out for guy who have personalities that really win me over in addition to the instant attraction.

 

What I mean by getting less excited, is that I don't expect things to work out since I've wrongly latched on to guys who I had great sexual chemistry with yet not much else.

 

I am focusing more on personality now in addition to the instant chemistry and attraction.

 

I just don't expect to get it right straight away although I feel I have learnt more about how to select better dates and I can sooner pick up on whether or not we have a genuine connection.. Imean...It took me two dates to realize that me and the guy this thread was based on, we're just not into each other for more than our sexual chemistry.