How Am I Handling Things?

[Rejected Rosebud]

I enjoy writing my dating life down. I just do.

 

It's not "writing your dating life down" it's total wildly whacky jumping to conclusions and making up all kinds of bizarre scenarios that have absolutely zero to do with the actual events that are taking place! If you won't stop doing this or get help to stay on track and in reality why bother dating at all? A person needs to live their life and let things unfold and to actually pay attention and quietly observe and get to know another person! Since this is NEVER a possibility with you why do you even date!! I have read a lot of your threads and what another person is like and what went down is NEVER even a part of them, it's all what is going on in your imagination and then your other friend who had love at first sight, and then some stuff about what you look like.

[Rejected Rosebud]

I didn't think a guy was into me. So I thrashed it out and got some very good and honest opinions. It was cool how he turned into the exception to the rule and and rang to apologize and also to set up anothe date two days later.

But … wouldn't it have been more appropriate and positive to have just gone on the date and then carried on with your life and learned as you went along what was going to happen with that guy, or not happen? It is what's going on inside of your head that will stop a relationship with a healthy guy from happening, not initial attraction.

[goodgirlturnedbad]

And I met a guy months ago at a concert who I had the extreme and instant physical fireworks with and who has also turned out to have become a good friend. We cannot be together sadly because he has severe personal issues. But this guy is the one in a million where u have the instan passion that's also teamed with a genuinely wonderful friendship.

 

Leigh, has it occurred to you that this instant chemistry with might only be YOUR OWN perception? I also get easily excited when I meet guys that match my criteria for attraction but I'm also aware that the other person may be less attracted initially. They may simply need time to develop feelings for you!

 

I was in a long-term relationship where the guy had known me for a year before we became a couple. We didn't actually date, just met casually from time to time, and once he even cancelled a meeting last minute for a very trivial reason - he had to pick up a cousin from a train station or something along these lines. But after we became exclusive, he told me he'd liked me from the very first meeting it's possible with some men to be into a girl even if it's not apparent.

Edited December 29, 2014 by goodgirlturnedbad

[idoltree]

No. I enjoy talking about my dating life.

 

It is what it is.

 

This thread isn't about your dating life. It's about what you think about your dating life, which reveals that you obsesses and over-think.

 

You have a six page thread after one date. That is somewhat terrifying.

 

I'd really suggest facing your fear of being alone and your need to feel in control, or you could scare off someone really wonderful. From now on, every time you feel nervous, say "I'll be okay no matter what happens. I'm okay on my own and I'm okay living in uncertainty and letting this play out. This guy will either be a positive addition to my life, or he won't be in my life. Either way, I'm okay."

 

Also, take some of that over-thinking and put it to some good. Research anxious attachment styles and strategies to self-soothe. You need to be secure, and you need to look within yourself for it, rather than looking to guys to provide it for you.

[Leigh 87]

This thread isn't about your dating life. It's about what you think about your dating life, which reveals that you obsesses and over-think.

 

You have a six page thread after one date. That is somewhat terrifying.

 

I'd really suggest facing your fear of being alone and your need to feel in control, or you could scare off someone really wonderful. From now on, every time you feel nervous, say "I'll be okay no matter what happens. I'm okay on my own and I'm okay living in uncertainty and letting this play out. This guy will either be a positive addition to my life, or he won't be in my life. Either way, I'm okay."

 

Also, take some of that over-thinking and put it to some good. Research anxious attachment styles and strategies to self-soothe. You need to be secure, and you need to look within yourself for it, rather than looking to guys to provide it for you.

 

 

Huh.

 

I'm not afraid of being alone.

 

I have decent guys offer me relationships. I decline. I could been a relationship if I wanted to. I choose not to because I want to feel excited about a guy that I meet a rather than indifferent.

 

If i hated being alone I would just get into a relationship with one of the men who regularly ask me to.

[Leigh 87]

Leigh, has it occurred to you that this instant chemistry with might only be YOUR OWN perception? I also get easily excited when I meet guys that match my criteria for attraction but I'm also aware that the other person may be less attracted initially. They may simply need time to develop feelings for you!

 

I was in a long-term relationship where the guy had known me for a year before we became a couple. We didn't actually date, just met casually from time to time, and once he even cancelled a meeting last minute for a very trivial reason - he had to pick up a cousin from a train station or something along these lines. But after we became exclusive, he told me he'd liked me from the very first meeting it's possible with some men to be into a girl even if it's not apparent.

 

No I can tell when a guy is very attracted to me.

 

I don't date men who aren't that attracted. I go for men who are naturally attracted to me appearance from the outset. And then grow more attracted to me over time.

 

It's still too early to tell if the chemistry was mutual with current guy. All I have to go on is that he seems to love kissing me. A lot. And he has said that I have a very strong affect on him insofar as how turned on he gets around me.

 

He has also thrown a few compliments around : he said I had nice eyes yesterday, and he's complimented my body several times.

 

We haven't had any contact since a last night when the date finished.

 

At this stage I'm not sure if he'll contact me again or if he'll do the slow fade or what. It's just too early to know anything.

 

And I don't know him enough to determine whether or not he's a very nice person or that he's even a person I'd want to to be in a relationship with.

 

I'm looking forward to college starting soon. I have a long road to either becoming a podiatric surgeon ( equivalent to a medical doctor) or if I don't get too marks, a plain old podiatrist.

 

I meet new friends and lovers at college or in one of Australia wide trips I'll take to let of steam.

 

It's always nice when a guy contacts you again but when guys haven't done so after a second date, I haven't been upset as I felt as though I have plenty of options due to my age.

 

The other month I had a date with a guy whom I felt decent chemistry with. We had a second date. He texted after the date a stating that he had a fantastic time and wanted to do it again. Then I never heard from him again. Yes I did text him back. He just disappeared.

 

I didn't care. So I'm at the stage where I don't care if a guy looses interest after a few dates and disappears.

 

This is a huge deal for me as a year ago I would have absolutely cared. I would have assumed it was because I just wasn't atractive enough.

 

I will do the right thing and only pursue the Italian guy if current guy disappears.

 

What's funny is.... A guy from my last texted me the other day and accused me of disappearing ON HIM when really, he didn'tset up dates and show he was serious so i just stopped texting him.

 

Isn't it pathetic when a guy who clearly wasn't into you texts you out of the blue, stating that he had hoped we could date with the hope of it becoming a relationship, and then asked you why you supposedly disappeared?

 

That guy^^^ who came out of the wood works gave me too many red flags and ultimately after we first met, we didn't set up dates despite calling me and talking for hours.

[Leigh 87]

Apologies about the gramma mishaps in my prior posts, I was on my old smart phone that keeps changing words and doing funny things.

 

On laptop now and will only write post whilst on it.

 

I have a feeling I will meet a life partner at college since we will both be going through the same life stages and in as similar mindset (studying a set topic extensively for years in order to better ourselves and obtain a respectable job).

 

I have only ever dated a fellow Uni student once.

 

Do you think life stages matter much? I don't really but it could be a bonus if they also were going through the late night study sessions - it would be a lovely thing to go through together with a person.

 

I am really excited about studying this February that is for sure, I am really looking forward to that lifestyle - studying all day (I prefer chilling at home and then relaxing evening).

 

I will certainly be so distracted with studying given the nature of my degree *podiatry , that as soon as college starts I am fairly sure I will not have time to think about dating or the men I date, since I will be so consumed with passing and/or doing well. Hopefully the latter!

 

I certainly wont have time to write all about my dating life for fun anymore when I am studying!

 

I enjoy writing and reading a lot when I am not studying but yeah, that is why I think I have such a keen interest in writing about my current dating life, as it stands.

[Elle1975]

Thinking about it, I realize that texting is a great tool for men or women with controlling issues. You don't answer fast enough and they shower you with guilt trip texts, "where are you", "who are you with", kind of deal.

 

Anyway, I'd rather have a man call me and text me here and there. Too much texting gets to be.. too much indeed.

[Leigh 87]

Thinking about it, I realize that texting is a great tool for men or women with controlling issues. You don't answer fast enough and they shower you with guilt trip texts, "where are you", "who are you with", kind of deal.

 

Anyway, I'd rather have a man call me and text me here and there. Too much texting gets to be.. too much indeed.

 

Ideally I would most enjoy a daily phone call.

[Leigh 87]

I've updated my gallery with more recent pics. My new look is red lip and I'm wearing pretty can't age dresses every day.

 

I'm feeling confident about myself and i notice that more guys are staring. I think I'm looking ggood and I'm also feeling good about myself since I'm about to start my own clothing business ( pretty dresses II will buy from the source where I once lived and my mum still lives).

 

I'm also studying to be a podiatrist. it's nice that when your llooking and feeling good about yourself, that this is when you appear most attractive; you just like the way you look and confidence is appealing.

 

I can't wait to start college very soon and to go on my first buying trip for my new business. I truly do believe that I'll eat a guy I have the instant excitement and attraction for, it will be mutual and that's I'll date long term. I am sure of it.

 

I know what I want and I'll very sure it'll happen for me in the next year or so.

[Rita86]

Didn't you say a while ago that you would remove your pictures from this website?

Why come back on your word?

[aggie382]

TL;DR the thread, just came straight to the end.

 

You're studying to be a podiatrist, but not yet in school, and are going to open a new business, and are going to eat a guy you find attractive?

 

No wonder this thread is so long!

[Leigh 87]

TL;DR the thread, just came straight to the end.

 

You're studying to be a podiatrist, but not yet in school, and are going to open a new business, and are going to eat a guy you find attractive?

 

No wonder this thread is so long!

 

 

 

I sometimes use a really rely hard to type on smart phone like now. I don't intend to eat anyone. ....

[Diezel]

 

I have a feeling I will meet a life partner at college since we will both be going through the same life stages and in as similar mindset

 

 

Do you think life stages matter much? I don't really

 

 

Huh? That must be a world record for "World's Fastest Contradictory Statement".

[Leigh 87]

Life stages don't matter necessarily, I am open to dating a diverse bunch. I believe true love is more important PROVIDING you have aligning values.

 

However it would be NICE if, you know, someone were to be going through a similar thing to you. An added bonus if you will. Just like not being too short - not necessary but a bonus.

[Leigh 87]

I met an Irish guy on the Train last night.

 

I am really into him. I have lost all interest in the other guys.

 

Instant passion and chemistry - I tend to find it often with men who seem very attracted to me and vice versa. THIS is no biggie, at least for me...

 

What won me over was this guys personality.

 

His super cheeky demeanour. It was so fun talking to him.

 

So yeah. Case closed about the guy I started the thread about. I was only really looking for guidance as to how to deal with him.

 

I don't need further advice as I really adore this new guys personality and things just feel mutual and easy.

 

Thanks for the advice.

 

I have still gone for not only instant passion and chemistry - but also, in this case, a guy that won me over with his personality. On a train of all places when I was just not looking to meet anyone.

[Detectingfreak]

Sound like player to me.

[Rejected Rosebud]

I have still gone for not only instant passion and chemistry - but also, in this case, a guy that won me over with his personality. On a train of all places when I was just not looking to meet anyone.

You have "gone for" him? Didn't you just meet him on a train within the last few hours?

 

Leigh, you started this thread 3 days ago when you had "gone for" the other guy to the extent that you took down your dating profile, in the middle there was an Italian, and now you are committed firmly to your relationship and passion with a guy you just encountered in a train.

 

I don't think this is stable behavior. Are you OK?

[Leigh 87]

Sound like player to me.

 

 

I don't get that feeling from him but you're right you never know. I don't have a bad gut feeling at this stage.

[Leigh 87]

You have "gone for" him? Didn't you just meet him on a train within the last few hours?

 

Leigh, you started this thread 3 days ago when you had "gone for" the other guy to the extent that you took down your dating profile, in the middle there was an Italian, and now you are committed firmly to your relationship and passion with a guy you just encountered in a train.

 

I don't think this is stable behavior. Are you OK?

 

 

 

I had good sexual chemistry with guy 1 and I enjoyed chatting on the phone.

 

The recent guy I like better. His personality was adorable.

 

I am not committed per say - I am committed to the IDEA - of not sleeping with others until I let this run its course - for better or for worse - with the Irish guy.

[Leigh 87]

and look, I am not winning any beauty contests but I have a certain allure - I just always attract men in real life and also I have used online on and off.

 

The combination of all the men I meet in real life IN ADDITION with the online thing was too much for me to handle.

[Leigh 87]

I am not lying you can look at my pictures I recently put up - I am not everyone's cup of tea and I am average to most but you can probably see why I have a certain market out there and I always attract men - as many people in their 20's do.

 

I guess I grew up fat and ugly and pimply so if I feel chemistry I always tend to give men a chance providing I feel chemistry and attraction, and they aren't at all unpleasant.

 

This new guy is a rarity in that, chemistry aside, his personality is what won me over by a long shot.

 

Where as lately, as a newly single adult, I have been spoiled for choice when it comes to men ( I am friendly and outgoing but not overbearing - I meet a lot of men I dunno why they like me honestly but this could be it)

 

So yeah, the latest Irish guy is someone that has made me totally closed off to being open to even meeting other men at all. Looking back, I was still open to meeting my dream guy when I was considering the original thread guy....

 

I think about him a lot - the latest Irish..... Where as I didn't think about the original guy the thread was about a lot besides when I wrote about my dating life on here.

 

Anyway, I know things end fast and I am know all good things usually come to an end but I am enjoying getting to know this Irish guy immensely.

 

He fly's out tomorrow and he wants to spend his last day with me, and we talked on the phone today once I had left him. We talked all night after meeting. He knew he wasn't getting sex. He seems very okay with getting to know me before that stuff. Although I cannot help the kissing part. Not with someone like him.

 

As it stands I am committed to not seeing other people 100% until it all plays out with the Irish guy.

 

Sometimes you meet someone who makes you realise that the others all paled in comparison.

[Leigh 87]

And looking back on my dating life.

 

I have only ever met one other man who I had instant passion with.. a very natural and instant chemistry and stellar attraction - and ALSO - on a personal level we connected immensely.

 

The guy had depression and wasn't any good to any woman even his dream girl - which I believe was me at the time. He is the only guy I have had a connection on the physical and emotional level with.

 

It is too soon to tell with the latest guy, however; I get along with him and adore his personality even more so than the only other guy I had a true connection with yet who I couldn't be with for unrelated reasons ( namely his medical issues and depression).

 

I am really excited to see how this plays out but I have no idea. I still enjoy feeling this way. Even if it is fleeting.

 

I realise that a true physical and mental connection I rare hence why I have only had it once.

 

Lets just see how this shapes up.

[Rejected Rosebud]

I am not lying you can look at my pictures I recently put up - I am not everyone's cup of tea and I am average to most but you can probably see why I have a certain market out there

 

.

I would love it so dearly if you would just completely stop posting about what you look like! We get it already!

[newlyborn]

may i ask why instant chemistry is so important to you? and, by chemistry, do you mean that feeling of instantly knowing someone that people sometimes get when meeting others or just intense physical attraction?

 

for many people, attraction builds in the early stages of getting to know someone, and those feelings sometimes deepen into love. so why do must everything be instant for you?

Edited December 31, 2014 by newlyborn