How Am I Handling Things?

[Leigh 87]

Guys!

 

I honestly just enjoy talking about my dating life!

 

And in the past I HAVE come off as needy or weird. I genuinely need people to help me with these basic things. I really do.

 

I am not consumed by any of the guys I talk about - when things haven't worked out I don't care more than normal. Even Berlin guy I had liked for well over a year, when I stuffed it up again, I was ok after a couple of days. I didn't cry or anything. And I had liked from for over one year....

 

So after he cancelled our date, and I said : " ok" and " relax don't worry about it I am still keen to see you again some other time" He texted not long ago.

 

He said about 5 texts:

 

Him: " I still want to see you too

Him: " Met up with some of mums friends while we were out and she went dancing with them"

Him: "ended up coming out to the boys house and having a BBQ"

Him: Have to pick mum up later on or tomorrow"

Him: " Soo so sorry about today"

 

I replied with: " Cool. Well just give us a call if you feel like chatting"

 

 

 

I do think it is likely they he is full of crap but at the off chance that he's not, have I come across ok?

[candie13]

I think you came across ok. Just don't seem too detached, or it'll appear artificial. I'd make fun of his mom's friends hitting on him .

 

anyway, let him initiate the next move for sure. And make sure to be busy - not just act busy.

 

Like... busy dating another bloke. It'll matter a lot less to you how you come across... because you wouldn't actually care that much, if you know what I mean. Keep those options open, girl.

 

cheers

[Leigh 87]

I think you may find talking about this reassuring. I like your posts, you make me smile .

 

ok, I've just skimmed through your posts, here are a few thoughts:

 

- no matter how amazing a man seems, I will never agree to take my online profile down after one two or three dates. sorry. if a guy agrees to that, that means he's lying. let's be real here, in all honesty, he is not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. this is just a line... I hate liars. The moment I spot them, I cross them out, no matter how cute they are. I play clean, easier that way.

 

- always always multiple date. Until you find that rare gem that asks you to be exclusive. this way, you are going to be a lot less disappointed when and if they fade out.

 

- keep sex out of the equation.

 

- have loads of fun and say to yourself "most probably, this is NOT the man that I will end up marrying". it reminds me to have fun and takes off the pressure from my shoulders.

 

that's about it. oh and do ask questions, do be yourself and do your best to find out how the other person is.

 

cheers

 

 

Yes he is probably lying. It is why I am single - the men I have the hots for and feel excited about/chemistry with, have never ended up wanting me.

 

The thing is - I HAVE offers off men wanting to be exclusive - the thing is, they don't excite me and I don't feel enough chemistry with them to compel me to settle.

 

But yeah those are good points - I will definitely not be knocking back another guy if say, I meet him tomorrow and I also feel excited about him too.

 

It is just not every day that we tend to meet those people who we feel the immediate attraction and chemistry for.

[Leigh 87]

I think you came across ok. Just don't seem too detached, or it'll appear artificial. I'd make fun of his mom's friends hitting on him .

 

anyway, let him initiate the next move for sure. And make sure to be busy - not just act busy.

 

Like... busy dating another bloke. It'll matter a lot less to you how you come across... because you wouldn't actually care that much, if you know what I mean. Keep those options open, girl.

 

cheers

 

 

It is not every day I meet a guy I am actually into. Sorry but I am not going to date other men I am less into. I go for gold - the men I feel great chemistry and attraction towards.

 

However - there is an Italian guy I am talking to who I met in person through my work and he seemed excited about meeting me, he was attractive so I will just set a date and time to meet him I guess.

 

Plus the long distance guy - the guy who is genuinely messed up and cannot be in a relationship at all (yes it is legit, his parents both have severe clinical depression and he has inherited it).

 

Long distance guy and I did fall for one another and had that instant fireworks and sparks I often speak of - even though a relationship is off the table, we talk daily and if I am down he is happy to call me and chat to me for hours to make me feel better which is nice.

 

So the long distance guy has turned more into a friend - who I call and chat to in times of need, and in general.

 

 

 

I guess I will open my dating account back up and continue?

[Leigh 87]

Thanks guys for your wise words.

 

See this is precisely WHY I have to write about my dating life!

 

At the time, it FELT like the guy was very attracted to me, and that he felt I was different from other girls he'd met; he made it feel like he had a wonderful time, and that he was excited about me. That he was into me.

 

When I put it out in black and white, in writing; it is great that I have people here to remind me that hey - he just isn't that into me. Men who are into a girl after a first date don't screw up plans, they don't cancel, they reply to your texts fast and they offer alternative plans for a date if they ever cancel.

 

And they CALL to cancel NOT text.

 

SO you know. Just one of those things - he probably did enjoy himself, he probably was attracted (we ate each others faces off for hours so he obviously was attracted enough to enjoy kissing)

 

But that was it I guess! Another guy who enjoyed kissing me and had a fun time chatting.

 

I am going to respond to his texts but I will let it fade out.

 

There are always those 1 in 1000 exceptions to the rule - where the girl doesn't think the guy is that into her when HE IS - hence why I will reply to his texts still.

 

But yes guys and girls - I am well aware that I am 99.9% likely NOT the exception to the "rule".

 

I will be dating others. Thanks again guys for knocking some sense into me.

[acrosstheuniverse]

Curious - is there a possible correlation here in that it's not that the men you get most excited about text you the least, but that the men you get most excited about are the ones who actually talk to you over the phone / in person more? Because that would make sense to me.

 

I was going to say this too! Just a wonder.

 

I believe that in general, the amount of contact does relate to the level of interest, but you shouldn't necessarily worry if he's not texting much as long as he's getting in touch in other ways (calling for example). It's not enough for me to just have contact during a date and not on the days between, as part of getting to know somebody is that daily contact.

 

But there are outliers. My current boyfriend, together since January, wasn't a huge texter initially. He would initiate but it'd only be a few texts per day, whereas the guy I was dating before him was texting me multiple times per hour, the entire day. I was replying just as much and enjoying it, but I think it made me feel a certain level was more normal than it really is, so my boyfriend seemed he hardly texted me at first!

 

A month or two into being together, I felt he was hardly getting in touch throughout the day, which bummed me out because I thought if he was into me, he'd be wanting to hear about my day, my plans, my thoughts and so forth. Actually, there was one day where he didn't text me all day, sent one reply to my text in the evening, and that was it. I was sure he had lost all interest so I texted him late in the evening saying if he had lost interest that was fine, we hadn't been seeing each other long, but to be honest so we can both part on friendly terms. He rang me desperate for me not to dump him (he thought I was), saying that he is not a huge texter in general, and after a year of being single he was just getting used to what it's like to be able to share his life with someone every day.

 

He's the most invested, interested, loving partner I've ever had. Introduced me to the parents quickly, informally practically moved in after a couple months, and wanted to move in formally after six months. Introduced me to all of his friends quickly, wanted to be public with me on social media. And now we've been together nearly a year, I see he does barely text anyone, even his Mother! He's terrible and keeping in contact with people and I now know it's nothing to do with his interest level in me. The longer we've been together the more texty/snapchatty he's been, to the point that now even though we live together it's primarily him initiating throughout the day.

 

So don't write someone off straight away... but don't be afraid to do what I did and confront it if it doesn't make you happy, and find out what he really thinks/feels. At least my boyfriend did make an effort after I brought it up to text me more because he knew it was important to me. Not hourly, or anything, but a few times throughout the day, every day.

[Leigh 87]

I was going to say this too! Just a wonder.

 

I believe that in general, the amount of contact does relate to the level of interest, but you shouldn't necessarily worry if he's not texting much as long as he's getting in touch in other ways (calling for example). It's not enough for me to just have contact during a date and not on the days between, as part of getting to know somebody is that daily contact.

 

But there are outliers. My current boyfriend, together since January, wasn't a huge texter initially. He would initiate but it'd only be a few texts per day, whereas the guy I was dating before him was texting me multiple times per hour, the entire day. I was replying just as much and enjoying it, but I think it made me feel a certain level was more normal than it really is, so my boyfriend seemed he hardly texted me at first!

 

A month or two into being together, I felt he was hardly getting in touch throughout the day, which bummed me out because I thought if he was into me, he'd be wanting to hear about my day, my plans, my thoughts and so forth. Actually, there was one day where he didn't text me all day, sent one reply to my text in the evening, and that was it. I was sure he had lost all interest so I texted him late in the evening saying if he had lost interest that was fine, we hadn't been seeing each other long, but to be honest so we can both part on friendly terms. He rang me desperate for me not to dump him (he thought I was), saying that he is not a huge texter in general, and after a year of being single he was just getting used to what it's like to be able to share his life with someone every day.

 

He's the most invested, interested, loving partner I've ever had. Introduced me to the parents quickly, informally practically moved in after a couple months, and wanted to move in formally after six months. Introduced me to all of his friends quickly, wanted to be public with me on social media. And now we've been together nearly a year, I see he does barely text anyone, even his Mother! He's terrible and keeping in contact with people and I now know it's nothing to do with his interest level in me. The longer we've been together the more texty/snapchatty he's been, to the point that now even though we live together it's primarily him initiating throughout the day.

 

So don't write someone off straight away... but don't be afraid to do what I did and confront it if it doesn't make you happy, and find out what he really thinks/feels. At least my boyfriend did make an effort after I brought it up to text me more because he knew it was important to me. Not hourly, or anything, but a few times throughout the day, every day.

 

 

That is really sweet.

 

But yeah. You are probably the exception to the rule!

 

This guy just isn't that into me in all likeliness.

 

Too many red flags - like cancelling the date via text and not offering an alternate date.

 

Yes he did text me after a few times after wards and he did apologise 2 or 3 times saying " I am soo so sorry", un prompted, but yeah. I am not the exception to the rule.

 

Welcome to loveshack ! haha.

 

I will still reply to his texts but I will date others I feel decent chemistry with.

Edited December 27, 2014 by Leigh 87

[acrosstheuniverse]

Yup probably the exception. Although to be fair, it was the lack of texting that was niggling a bit, but otherwise he was arranging dates, seeing me lots, and all of that. And he was texting me daily. It's that one time where he didn't speak to me all day and night apart from one reply to a text I initiated (and then not again to my reply) where my niggling feeling of worry about his losing interest got to me and I decided to put it on the table and give him an out if he wasn't into me anymore. Turns out, he was.

 

Your guy doesn't sound that into you based on the fact he didn't rearrange the date. Dating 101: if you HAVE to cancel a date, you immediately arrange a new time to meet and apologise. You told him you'd still like to see him but he didn't arrange another date, so he's not interested.

 

Is there any point still replying to his texts, now you know that he isn't into you? It's a waste of time, and gives him the impression you've got nothing better to do. Far better to gather up your self respect and tell him 'it's been nice meeting you but this isn't working for me, all the best and I hope you find what you're looking for!' surely? Ironically, that may be the one thing that spurs someone into seeing that you're not just there for the taking whenever he fancies it, and perhaps he'll buck up. It's a one in a million chance, but I always preferred walking away with my head held high anyway as opposed to continual pointless texting, although I didn't do it with a view to getting the guy interested in me, I just did it for my own self respect and esteem.

[Leigh 87]

The reality is - I am not that desirable or attractive to a great number of the guys that I find cute OR to guys in general.

 

I have to stop assuming that just because a guy SEEMS really attracted to me - due to kissing me non stop for an hour at a time and acting generally very sexually attracted to me - the thing is, it is probably just because our kissing styles matched up nicely and I wasn't a hippopotamus and therefore he seemed attracted.

 

I take dates that seem awesome with a grain of salt. I really do guys.

 

Chances are - if I am questioning his interest levels, it is because he isn't making it known enough for an intelligent adult to believe that he is.. well, interested.

 

Thankgod for Loveshack! Or I would be one of those ladies who is all.... like.. " oh gosh we had an amazing connection, it was amazing, why isn't he acting interested "

 

I realise it is all too easy to project your own feelings onto men - if YOU felt they were really into it.. if YOU felt they had a great time.. Yeah well it rarely means THEY had a great time - most guys you find to be cute and feel the chemistry with seldom usually work out.

 

Ultimately, the men we feel no spark for are the ones who adore us. I have learnt.

 

Ah well maybe in the next few years I will find a guy I feel excited about seeing again and one who actually reciprocates my level of excitement!

[Leigh 87]

Yup probably the exception. Although to be fair, it was the lack of texting that was niggling a bit, but otherwise he was arranging dates, seeing me lots, and all of that. And he was texting me daily. It's that one time where he didn't speak to me all day and night apart from one reply to a text I initiated (and then not again to my reply) where my niggling feeling of worry about his losing interest got to me and I decided to put it on the table and give him an out if he wasn't into me anymore. Turns out, he was.

 

Your guy doesn't sound that into you based on the fact he didn't rearrange the date. Dating 101: if you HAVE to cancel a date, you immediately arrange a new time to meet and apologise. You told him you'd still like to see him but he didn't arrange another date, so he's not interested.

 

Is there any point still replying to his texts, now you know that he isn't into you? It's a waste of time, and gives him the impression you've got nothing better to do. Far better to gather up your self respect and tell him 'it's been nice meeting you but this isn't working for me, all the best and I hope you find what you're looking for!' surely? Ironically, that may be the one thing that spurs someone into seeing that you're not just there for the taking whenever he fancies it, and perhaps he'll buck up. It's a one in a million chance, but I always preferred walking away with my head held high anyway as opposed to continual pointless texting, although I didn't do it with a view to getting the guy interested in me, I just did it for my own self respect and esteem.

 

 

Good idea.

 

What do I say?

 

Next time he texts I will just say:

 

" hey, it was nice getting to know you I enjoyed our date a lot but this isn't working for me, if you weren't that interested I would have preferred it if you hadn't continued to text me. All the best"

 

 

 

I won't send "the text" until you guys guide me as to what to write.

 

 

Would rather cut it off now rather than getting strung along by a guy who is only lukewarm and mildly attracted to me.

[Leigh 87]

Yup probably the exception. Although to be fair, it was the lack of texting that was niggling a bit, but otherwise he was arranging dates, seeing me lots, and all of that. And he was texting me daily. It's that one time where he didn't speak to me all day and night apart from one reply to a text I initiated (and then not again to my reply) where my niggling feeling of worry about his losing interest got to me and I decided to put it on the table and give him an out if he wasn't into me anymore. Turns out, he was.

 

Your guy doesn't sound that into you based on the fact he didn't rearrange the date. Dating 101: if you HAVE to cancel a date, you immediately arrange a new time to meet and apologise. You told him you'd still like to see him but he didn't arrange another date, so he's not interested.

 

Is there any point still replying to his texts, now you know that he isn't into you? It's a waste of time, and gives him the impression you've got nothing better to do. Far better to gather up your self respect and tell him 'it's been nice meeting you but this isn't working for me, all the best and I hope you find what you're looking for!' surely? Ironically, that may be the one thing that spurs someone into seeing that you're not just there for the taking whenever he fancies it, and perhaps he'll buck up. It's a one in a million chance, but I always preferred walking away with my head held high anyway as opposed to continual pointless texting, although I didn't do it with a view to getting the guy interested in me, I just did it for my own self respect and esteem.

 

 

After just once date are you sure we can conclude that he 100% isn't into me?

 

And do I just wait until he next texts me, and respond with a " it has been nice talking to you but this isn't working for me, I can tell you're not that into it which is fine but no use txting each other. All the best"

[Leigh 87]

Thanks guys for not sugar coating things.

 

And one thing that amuses me is. .. why do guys who aren't that into us call us and talk for 3 hours at a time ?

 

Lol. So they enjoy talking to us? Or they just have nothing better to do ?

 

It appears that a guy can talk to you for hours and act like he is attracted to you and yet not actually be that into you:lmao:

 

Without Loveshack I'd be so clueless and naive! Men really can "act" into you by acting super attracted to you in person as well as wanting to talk to you for hours on the phone.

 

Ah well i had an awesome date and I'm excited about meeting other men whom i also have good chemistry with and who i am just as excited about.

[acrosstheuniverse]

Well to be honest, generally I wouldn't personally even bother messaging someone telling them it wasn't working and I was moving on, when it's clear they're not interested. The way he's acting would be enough for me to move on without bothering to tell him. I'd just stop or drastically reduce contact and it would dwindle from there mutually. But you seem like the kind of person who needs an 'ending', i.e. if you didn't text him it wasn't working you'd be hanging on waiting to hear from him and overanalysing it. So perhaps a final text would help you to move on. Also, as it's only been a single date, I wouldn't say 'if you weren't interested I would have preferred it if you hadn't continued to text me'... he didn't owe you anything either way. It just makes you sound hurt or offended.

 

If you're really stressing out and wondering whether or not you can be sure he's not interested, set yourself a mental deadline, say two days from now. And tell yourself, if he hasn't arranged another date by then, you will simply stop responding to his casual 'passing the time of day' texts.

 

Some people have nothiing better to do than pass the time of day chatting to or texting people. It doesn't mean anything unless he's taking you out on dates and getting to know you in person.

 

I'm sure I've come across really interested with guys before but then for whatever reason, I haven't been interested in taking it further to more dates or a relationship. Maye I wasn't in the mood for an exclusive relationship with him, maybe I liked someone else more, maybe I had problems at home I needed to attend to, maybe I was sick. But usually, it's because I don't like the guy enough. With the right guy, nothing else gets in the way and I go for it.

[GemmaUK]

And one thing that amuses me is. .. why do guys who aren't that into us call us and talk for 3 hours at a time ?

 

Lol. So they enjoy talking to us? Or they just have nothing better to do ?

 

It appears that a guy can talk to you for hours and act like he is attracted to you and yet not actually be that into you:lmao:

.

 

 

 

It's the 'getting to know' part though.

Al kinds of things can come up during getting to know a person that either makes someone want to continue or to pull away if they feel that they wouldn't be compatible in some way.

[Leigh 87]

Well to be honest, generally I wouldn't personally even bother messaging someone telling them it wasn't working and I was moving on, when it's clear they're not interested. The way he's acting would be enough for me to move on without bothering to tell him. I'd just stop or drastically reduce contact and it would dwindle from there mutually. But you seem like the kind of person who needs an 'ending', i.e. if you didn't text him it wasn't working you'd be hanging on waiting to hear from him and overanalysing it. So perhaps a final text would help you to move on. Also, as it's only been a single date, I wouldn't say 'if you weren't interested I would have preferred it if you hadn't continued to text me'... he didn't owe you anything either way. It just makes you sound hurt or offended.

 

If you're really stressing out and wondering whether or not you can be sure he's not interested, set yourself a mental deadline, say two days from now. And tell yourself, if he hasn't arranged another date by then, you will simply stop responding to his casual 'passing the time of day' texts.

 

Some people have nothiing better to do than pass the time of day chatting to or texting people. It doesn't mean anything unless he's taking you out on dates and getting to know you in person.

 

I'm sure I've come across really interested with guys before but then for whatever reason, I haven't been interested in taking it further to more dates or a relationship. Maye I wasn't in the mood for an exclusive relationship with him, maybe I liked someone else more, maybe I had problems at home I needed to attend to, maybe I was sick. But usually, it's because I don't like the guy enough. With the right guy, nothing else gets in the way and I go for it.

 

I will just let it dwindle.

 

It will fade out mutually.

 

I do enjoy the attention from men I'm attracted to.

 

Can I just start dating other guys and still respond the times he texts me? I get to enjoy the attention of his texts.

[Leigh 87]

I haven't texted him at all since I want to let it just fade out.

 

He, however, is texting me. He sent me a selfie and then a few mins later he texted " I'm soo sorry for letting you down tonight"

 

I enjoy attention from men I'm attracted to and feel good chemistry with.

 

I do enjoy receiving texts from him so I will definitely enjoy replying to them and subsequently getting more.

 

Like him, I also enjoy texting and chatting. I am very single and he just isn't into me so I'll move on to date better prospects whilst still enjoying his texts until things fade.

[acrosstheuniverse]

Do you honestly enjoy the attention from his texts? Surely part of the reason people enjoy this kind of attention is because you're also enjoying what it's leading up to? Attention from guys I'm into feels horrible and hollow when I know that that's exactly where it begins and ends, a few texts. If you genuinely do like the attention then you're doing nothing wrong allowing it to continue... but you're a stronger woman than me if you can enjoy it without allowing your feelings for him to deepen.

[Leigh 87]

So i stopped texting him.

 

He then texted that he was so sorry again. He kept apologizing. All I said in response was " OK". He then freaked out and called me, trying to apologize even more, saying that he didn't want to to screw it up with me because he's really interested in getting to know me.

 

He said that he knows he effed up and should have called me and arranged another date.

 

When we said our goodbyes he said " I promise to text you first thing when I wake up and see what's happening"

 

He alluded to wanting to see me tomorrow.

 

When I told him I was working tomorrow he asked me honestly if I was just blowing him off in order to see another guy - he said that he really wanted to get to know me as he feels there is something definitely something there.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yes I know - he is likely bored with nothing better to do than have a friendly chat to a woman he finds somewhat attractive.

 

I have nothing to lose by enjoying him. I do realize he probably isn't that into me a day I'm not putting much stock in him actually being honest.

[Leigh 87]

Do you honestly enjoy the attention from his texts? Surely part of the reason people enjoy this kind of attention is because you're also enjoying what it's leading up to? Attention from guys I'm into feels horrible and hollow when I know that that's exactly where it begins and ends, a few texts. If you genuinely do like the attention then you're doing nothing wrong allowing it to continue... but you're a stronger woman than me if you can enjoy it without allowing your feelings for him to deepen.

 

You're right.

 

I guess I still feel that there's a remote chance that he is into me and that his excuse is legit.

 

He is such a good actor:lmao:

 

We met only once. He cancelled. He's apologized like 50 times even though I never acted annoyed.

 

I guess I felt excited enough about getting to know him to overlook a very sure sign that he just isn't that into me.

 

So far the canceling of the date is the only sign he isn't into me. But he's called me and suggested a date tomorrow. He seemed extremely apologetic haha.

[GemmaUK]

He apologised 50 times?

 

 

Crikey! Run!!

 

 

That's nuts!

[idoltree]

You're right.

 

I guess I still feel that there's a remote chance that he is into me and that his excuse is legit.

 

He is such a good actor:lmao:

 

We met only once. He cancelled. He's apologized like 50 times even though I never acted annoyed.

 

I guess I felt excited enough about getting to know him to overlook a very sure sign that he just isn't that into me.

 

So far the canceling of the date is the only sign he isn't into me. But he's called me and suggested a date tomorrow. He seemed extremely apologetic haha.

 

Leigh,

 

Reading through this thread, I kept shaking my head. You seem a nervous ball of energy, including disclaimers in every post about how you know he's lying and not into you, then a smiley face. It's ... bizarre.

 

Nothing I've read tells me this guy isn't into you. If you have unspoken expectations about communication, you need to know you run a high risk of sabotaging yourself. Additionally, you ARE playing games. You told him canceling was ok, but now that he's apologizing profusely, you're being pouty and pedantic and replying with an "ok."

 

Early dating is full of uncertainties, because it involves two people with preferences and free will. I get the sense that you want to know his feelings so badly that you absolutely ARE projecting your insecurities onto him (you reference projecting attraction onto someone, but don't seem to realize it can be the opposite, too.)

 

The truth is, you don't know. Don't send crazy texts (sorry, taking actions based on assumptions comes off really unbalanced) about how he's not interested. Sit back and become okay with uncertainty. Mirror his level of communication and let him initiate for awhile. And don't set him up to be a player in your unfair game; you're trying to come off all "cool girl" to him, like "oh, it's ok you cancelled." But you're not okay with it. You've read into it and you're punishing him now that he's showing you he's sorry, because you're not being honest with him or yourself. And it seems to be a little power trip for you. Those "crazy" girls you describe, who flip out when a guy cancels? Sorry, but you're doing it. Your style is different, but the anger and entitlement are the same.

 

Be confident in yourself and be true to yourself. Keep busy and stop obsessing over signs, because you will not know any guy's true interest (nor will he know yours) without time and consistency. It is what it is, and you'll be okay no matter what happens. Stop looking for a fairy tale, start coping with reality in a healthy way.

[anne1707]

He apologised 50 times?

!

 

I suspect this was a slight exaggeration on Leigh's part.

[Leigh 87]

I don't literally mean 50 times!

 

 

 

 

He's very normal seeming. He doesn't go over the top with compliments or anything alarming. He seems like the type to only say things when he means them, but then again I could very easily be wrong.

 

 

I awoke to more texts - he texted: battery dying until tomorrow I have 1% left and wanted to say that I can't wait to see you again.

[Leigh 87]

Leigh,

 

Reading through this thread, I kept shaking my head. You seem a nervous ball of energy, including disclaimers in every post about how you know he's lying and not into you, then a smiley face. It's ... bizarre.

 

Nothing I've read tells me this guy isn't into you. If you have unspoken expectations about communication, you need to know you run a high risk of sabotaging yourself. Additionally, you ARE playing games. You told him canceling was ok, but now that he's apologizing profusely, you're being pouty and pedantic and replying with an "ok."

 

Early dating is full of uncertainties, because it involves two people with preferences and free will. I get the sense that you want to know his feelings so badly that you absolutely ARE projecting your insecurities onto him (you reference projecting attraction onto someone, but don't seem to realize it can be the opposite, too.)

 

The truth is, you don't know. Don't send crazy texts (sorry, taking actions based on assumptions comes off really unbalanced) about how he's not interested. Sit back and become okay with uncertainty. Mirror his level of communication and let him initiate for awhile. And don't set him up to be a player in your unfair game; you're trying to come off all "cool girl" to him, like "oh, it's ok you cancelled." But you're not okay with it. You've read into it and you're punishing him now that he's showing you he's sorry, because you're not being honest with him or yourself. And it seems to be a little power trip for you. Those "crazy" girls you describe, who flip out when a guy cancels? Sorry, but you're doing it. Your style is different, but the anger and entitlement are the same.

 

Be confident in yourself and be true to yourself. Keep busy and stop obsessing over signs, because you will not know any guy's true interest (nor will he know yours) without time and consistency. It is what it is, and you'll be okay no matter what happens. Stop looking for a fairy tale, start coping with reality in a healthy way.

 

I wasn't pouty.

 

I didn't just say OK.

 

I also said " all good. Relax. I am still keen to see you again "

 

And when he called me I was open and honest. I did tell him that yes I was a little disappointed that he didn't call me to cancel and to then arrange another date - but that I'm glad he's now taken the time call and apologize.

 

I didn't pretend to not care. He knows I was disappointed. It is what it is. I don't pplay games. I plainly tell guys how I'm feeling. I communicate in a very honest and straight forward way.

 

He even retorted with " I like it how you're so honest in how you express yourself....you're not crazy at all when things go wrong yet you still make it known you're a little let down without going over the ttop and yet still without trying to act too cool for school, either"

 

So yeah. I did convey my true feelings on the matter butI didn't carry on too much. We only just met. Although I was really feeling it with him and therefore it did mean a lot the way in which he called me to apologize and set a other date for today.

 

There are ways that one can express that yeah, they were disappointed all the while not being too melodramatic.

[losangelena]

Could it be that he's actually interested in you?

 

Perhaps I'm reading this incorrectly, but do you think that maybe all your talk about him not being into you was a form of self-protection on your part?

 

Listen, people make mistakes and they don't always do what we want them to do. Him texting you to cancel was not ideal, sure, but that doesn't definitively mean that he's not into you. You started this thread YESTERDAY, and by the middle of it, you were so sure that he wasn't into you that you were ready to text him and write him off. Slow your roll, girl. Sit back and see how this plays out. Right now you don't know either way. Yes, it's true that dating is a risk—liking someone is a risk, because it's true, we don't know if they're gonna like us back. But don't read into every little thing he does as proof of how he feels.

 

Also, who cares if you're not what "most guys" find attractive. I'm not conventionally attractive either, and I oftentimes feel like I don't deserve to be happy because of it, but the truth is there ARE guys out there who do find you attractive, and they're not at all "settling."