elaine567 Posted December 27, 2014 Posted December 27, 2014 I'm nearly 20 and I'm good friends with my friend's uncle who is twice my age. He's a child at heart and says it's because life is too short to take it seriously. He doesn't care what people think and he's really out going. I stopped talking to him last year around this time because I thought it was a bad idea n what not. Well early last month his family invited me to go bowling and he was there. We've been talking ever since and I could tell he liked me. When we'd ride in the car we'd touch hands and like a week later we started holding hands. I always thought he was kinda cute but thought nothing of it. He tells me he enjoys talking to me and that I never fail to make him laugh/smile. Here we are now and he really has it for me. He needs to call me every day to hear my voice. My family is so disappointed in me that I'm talking to him and even shunned me for a little bit. I called him saying we should stop talking and I nearly cried cause it felt like a break up. I told him he's too old and can't give me what I need. I have my whole life ahead of me. I need kids, a bf that I can bring around, and I don't want to die a widow. So we agreed to keep our distance. That didn't last long. We've cuddled and the farthest he's gone was to kiss my cheek and neck. I don't like kissing outside of relationships so we haven't done lips. Which seems kinda stupid I guess when we're all up in each others necks...lol. I'm a virgin until marriage too. So I don't know what to do. I know this has to stop but we kinda keep prolonging it. I feel bad cause it seems like he's more emotionally invested in this than me. I don't want to hurt him, but I need to do what's best. I need a normal relationship and this isn't it. I don't even know what we have. I'm not out looking for a bf and if he's around I for sure won't be open to the option. It's like we have a relationship, without the label and commitment.. I'm so confused and frustrated at all this. He's not in it for sex. He said even if I don't want to keep doing what we have, he said he still wants to be friends cause he loves talking to me. He's been respectful of me so far. It's just frustrating cause he can't give me what I need. What rubs many people the wrong way in this thread is not that she doesn't want to date some middle-aged creeper, it's that she was fine with him until the scandal of their relationship was made public. Then all the BS reasons came out. Poor judgement before the scandal; Poor judgement after. She stopped it last year, she stopped it this year and now she wants to dump him now. Nothing to to do with "the scandal" - her decision. He wants more, she wants out. A forty year old should know better than to start up a relationship with a young, very inexperienced girl and a virgin to boot - it is so wrong IMO. If he wants another notch on his bedpost, then he should go find a real woman, not use his young niece to provide innocent "victims" for his sleasy agenda. Ugh!
jeffmeyers Posted December 28, 2014 Posted December 28, 2014 You're only selectively bolding. The second paragraph clearly shows she picked up where she left off a year before. Cuddles, hand-holding, kisses... why? Her family/friend shunned her at that point and that's when she wants to end things. BS excuses followed and failed break-ups. He's persistent, that's for sure, but she's letting him in her life because, well, she kinda likes him. 1
AVarma Posted December 28, 2014 Posted December 28, 2014 You're only selectively bolding. The second paragraph clearly shows she picked up where she left off a year before. Cuddles, hand-holding, kisses... why? Her family/friend shunned her at that point and that's when she wants to end things. BS excuses followed and failed break-ups. He's persistent, that's for sure, but she's letting him in her life because, well, she kinda likes him. I kind of understand the concern. She's 19, a virgin, and seems to be a bit immature, but nevertheless they're both legal age and I don't really see a problem. The idea of grooming somebody who is an adult is ridiculous. She's 19 not 13. Besides it's obvious from the OP that her main concern is other people's reaction. Not a good reason to break up with somebody especially if, as it seems from the OP, you get a long with them and seem compatible with them.
jeffmeyers Posted December 28, 2014 Posted December 28, 2014 (edited) I kind of understand the concern. She's 19, a virgin, and seems to be a bit immature, but nevertheless they're both legal age and I don't really see a problem. The idea of grooming somebody who is an adult is ridiculous. She's 19 not 13. Though I have no kids that old, I wouldn't want my barely adult daughter to hang around some man child twice her age. I wouldn't be able to do anything about it except talk her out of it. But it would still be up to her. That's the thing about the OP, either she's a total push-over or more likely, she likes that guy. Because I wouldn't start hanging around a woman old enough to be my mom and let her cuddle and kiss me.... unless I somehow wanted to, Edited December 28, 2014 by jeffmeyers
SomeDude16 Posted December 28, 2014 Posted December 28, 2014 Besides it's obvious from the OP that her main concern is other people's reaction. Not a good reason to break up with somebody especially if, as it seems from the OP, you get a long with them and seem compatible with them. If the main concern is other peoples reaction, then end it and that problem is gone.
jeffmeyers Posted December 28, 2014 Posted December 28, 2014 If the main concern is other peoples reaction, then end it and that problem is gone. Until the next BF candidate shows up and he's not the perfect church boy.
SomeDude16 Posted December 28, 2014 Posted December 28, 2014 Until the next BF candidate shows up and he's not the perfect church boy. This is a one time excuse....
Author elizabeth21 Posted December 28, 2014 Author Posted December 28, 2014 We said our goodbyes tonight. We talked, cuddled, things got a tad heated and we did a half effort kiss. He said I'm the one that got away. He said he knows the cons out weigh the pros n he understands. He told me I was the 5th girl he's kissed n he doesn't go around doin stuff. He said I will have a huge part of him. We're gonna talk once he gets to his vacation spot then end contact til a call on New Years. Idk if we'll continue talking after that. I think we need space. He said if a woman comes along then so be it, but he thinks I was that woman. He came back into my life twice so if it's meant to be it'll happen agan. Either way we don't regret anythingz. Things just got more complicated when I started to like him back. We both hate the lieing n hiding from everyone.
SomeDude16 Posted December 28, 2014 Posted December 28, 2014 We said our goodbyes tonight. We talked, cuddled, things got a tad heated and we did a half effort kiss. He said I'm the one that got away. He said he knows the cons out weigh the pros n he understands. He told me I was the 5th girl he's kissed n he doesn't go around doin stuff. He said I will have a huge part of him. We're gonna talk once he gets to his vacation spot then end contact til a call on New Years. Idk if we'll continue talking after that. I think we need space. He said if a woman comes along then so be it, but he thinks I was that woman. He came back into my life twice so if it's meant to be it'll happen agan. Either way we don't regret anythingz. Things just got more complicated when I started to like him back. We both hate the lieing n hiding from everyone. Glad to hear you are making some sort of decision. The worst thing you could have done was be passive. That said, he made his intentions pretty clear, do you think you can really handle them? Be honest with yourself here, otherwise you will waste a lot of time and energy...
Author elizabeth21 Posted December 28, 2014 Author Posted December 28, 2014 I'm hopeful it'll work out. I just feel bad for him more than me. By ending this the stress will end, but I'll miss our hangouts. I keep thinking of stuff we'll never get to do together..How should I go about talking to him once the New Year starts n he's back from vacation? Only texts? Only calls? Once in awhile? He wants to hear from me but I want him to get used to this n move on. We both need to.
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