LDR bf left me for someone else

[SoLonely73]

Hi everyone,

 

I'm new here. I'm 20. I just signed up just to see different people's opinions and to vent. Sorry this is so long and i hope you can answer my questions.

 

I'm gonna write my questions first.

1. Do you think he will ever take me back?

2. Is it a good idea to stay friends?

3. Do you think it's ok for me to call or text him?

4. Why wasn't i mad at him for leaving me?

 

Ok, my story is just what the title says. My LD bf left me for someone else. I met him on Xbox while i was in a relationship. My first relationship in fact. First for everything actually.

 

In my first relationship my bf and i were depressed. Not cuz of the relationship but we both went through alot before we started dating. So when we started dating we were trying to help each other not be depressed but he lived an hour away and couldn't always spend the night cuz i lived with family and they said no. Plus, it seemed like he didn't really like me. Stopped talking to me and didn't want to come over even when he could spend the night. We dated for 6 months.

 

Last year, right around this time is when i was playing the Xbox with my ld bf while i was in a relationship. On the Xbox i usually except all friend requests but i don't really talk to any of the people. I actually think i had sent him a friend request months before cuz he was really good at zombies in Cod: bo2. We had played but never really talked much until the 2 week Christmas break. I don't kno why but i was having fun sexting with multiple guys on the Xbox. He was one of them. Except we would actually talk about different things and stuff. He knew i had a bf too. I didn't think he actually liked me liked me tho. I never used a mic even tho i had one but i* was shy. But i decided that was stupid. I eventually gave him my number. He couldn't have a cell tho. (He wasn't a kid, he was 25, the law didn't allow him to have a cell and other things, i don't want to get into his personal stuff tho). He called me off his house phone tho. Before this i was only getting on the Xbox just to talk to him. Now we talked even more. Then he told me he loved me one day and he could tell i loved him too. He knew i had a bf but we kept talking telling him i had a bf tho and that i did care about him and he made me really happy. I didn't feel depressed anymore i didn't even tell him how was depressed tho. Just talking to him made me forget about it. Before we even got together we started making future plans. Like me moving to live with him. I didn't feel right while doing that while i had a bf. But me and my bf weren't even talking. So i broke it off and it caught me by surprise cuz at first he was cool and then he wanted me back. I told my Xbox friend over the phone that my bf wanted me back and i feel like an ass. Then he broke down and started crying cuz he didn't want me to feel hurt or to leave him. I told him that i really did love him and want to be with him and that i am gonna be with him i just feel really bad for dumping my other bf. He felt really bad cuz he said he didn't want me to feel bad. Afterwards i agreed to be his gf. I still feel bad about breaking it off with my other bf but i never told him. I still feel like an ass to this day.

After we started dating i already knew before we started dating that we couldn't Skype and other stuff. He is in Ohio and I'm in Illinois. We knew it would be awhile before seeing each other cuz we both got bills and i would have to go see him and i barely make any money. We were happy just talking to each other over the phone everyday. Saying i love you and everything. We never had an argument. I understood how he didn't want me hanging out or getting close to guys so i didn't. And i told him as long as he doesn't do the same. We would always call each other or text through Xbox even tho i lost internet and was really tight on money. It didn't seem like we were falling apart or anything, i couldnt get so many days off so in September i told him i saved up enough to come see him but we had to wait till Christmas break cuz i couldn't get the days off i wanted to go so i decided i would come for the whole second week of the break.

 

Everything was fine us still missing each other, nothing unusual. But then comes last week Sunday, when i had a really bad feeling in my stomach cuz he didn't call me. He called me from his car Saturday saying he was spending the night with his friend since he was about to hang out over there anyway and that way he doesn't have to pick him up for church on Sunday. That wasn't new he did that sometimes. He didn't sound suspicious or anything either. So we said i love you and he said he would call me Sunday. Sunday came i was really busy but still waiting for his call. The later and later it got the more i had a horrible feeling in my stomach. It wasn't like this was the first time he didn't call me. I just had the most horrible feeling. So Monday morning i called him thinking that he probably fell asleep and forgot to call. He answered but he sounded like something was wrong. I asked him and he started crying saying the relationship is making him depressed and that he didn't get any sleep. I didn't kno what to say i was holding back my tears. I could only think of saying i was gonna try to come out there more often. I was trying to make him feel better but then his dad started calling him cuz they were in the middle of something already. He had to go we both said i love you and he said he would call me later. After the phone hung up i couldn't stop thinking what i could do and then the thought of him wanting to break up cross my mind and i was thinking that he cheated. So i called him back barely able to speak and asked him if he was thinking about breaking up. He didn't answer so i started crying and he started crying saying cuz we're so far away. I asked him if he felt that way for a long time and he said no. So i asked him what made it come up all of a sudden. He hesitated and said he didn't want to lie to me cuz he wasn't that type of guy anymore. He told me how about a month ago he met a girl at the waffle house he always goes to. He wasn't trying anything and didn't think nothing of it but they started talking and he found out that she was actually a friend of the family or something like that. He could tell that she liked him tho. I asked him what was his plan to break up with me and then just go ask her out. He said he didn't have a plan. I said i still wanted to go see him next week tho. He asked me why and was saying he was an ass and didn't deserve to see me and that it would be a waste of a trip. I said i still loved him and wanted to see him. Then he said he might not even be there next week. I asked him why and he went silent. So i asked him did he make plans with the girl. He said if he said no then he would be lying. I started crying which made him start crying saying he being honest and how he's such an ass for doing this to me and that i shouldn't want to see him cuz he's douchebag, he said he didn't cheat on me tho. I said i still love him and that he's not that much of an ass cuz he didn't cheat and he's being honest. He said he the biggest jerk in the world for hurting me and he started crying again saying he didn't want to lose me as a friend. I told him i don't want to lose him either and that he won't lose me as a friend. He said he still loved and cared about me and asked me to keep one promise. He got a serious voice and said he wants me to promise him that i won't do anything stupid like cutting myself or trying to kill myself. I got quiet. So he said he said he wants me to promise him cuz if he finds out that i did something like that then he's gonna haunt me. I laughed a little and said I'll try, then his dad was calling him back again so he said he still loves and cares about me. I said the same and he said he'll call me back sometime. Afterwards i cried and took some sleeping pills to sleep. Not an overdose just more than i usually take.* They weren't working so i sent him some texts on the Xbox. I only remember giving him my sister's number saying it was just for emergencies and that i might miss his call cuz i took some sleeping pills to sleep and sorry if i freaked him out with my other texts. He didn't call me that night or Tuesday. Which was a funeral for my Grandma. I broke down at the funeral in front of everybody i couldn't stop crying. They thought i was crying cuz of my Grandma so it was fine with me. I couldn't stop thinking of him and the other girl. So i texted an old guy friend of mine every single detail. Even about how my ex helped me out of depression(i think i might have sent an Xbox text telling my ex too) and he helped me feel better. He said that he might change his mind and if i really love and care about him i should let him be happy. I was telling myself that i should let him be happy but i still couldn't stop crying. I felt better talking to my old friend and i decided that i would let my ex be happy but i still wanted to be his friend. My ex didn't call me Tuesday. When i woke up Wednesday i felt an extreme urge to just call him. I couldn't fight it. So i did. He picked up. I asked him what he was doin and he was helping his dad out again. I told him how i couldn't resist the urge to call him and i decided to let him be happy. It went quiet and i said sorry. He asked me why. I said i don't kno and he said i shouldn't be sorry he should be cuz he's the jerk and he was surprised that i even wanted to talk to him. I told him i still loved him. He said but he just put me through so much pain. I said i missed him and still wanted to talk to him and that i wasn't mad. He said i was. I told him that i wasn't mad i was just sad. He said i was sad and mad. Then i said maybe a lil mad. He said alot. It made me laugh a little. Then he started explaining to me how he wanted to be honest with me and he didn't want to hurt me and he started crying saying he was an ass and that he was so sorry. I was telling him i kno and its ok you're not an ass cuz he was honest and didn't cheat. He said he was an ass cuz he put me through so much pain and he was making plans with another girl and that he was so sorry. I told him i kno he's sorry i can tell. Then he started crying even harder saying that i don't kno how sorry he is over and over. I told him the reason why i still wanna be friends is cuz i can tell that he is extremely sorry. He said he didn't kno the distance would take such a toll on him and he didn't want to lose me as a friend. I told him he won't lose me as a friend and that i did want him back but there was nothing i could do if he loved the girl and wanted to be with her, and I'll just let him be happy. He stayed quiet. So i told him that i still loved him and that we could still be friends and that he could still call me cuz i still want to hear from him. He said he would. To idk ease the tension i had asked him if he thought that i was gonna cuss him out or something. He said yea he thought i would be screaming too and wouldn't want to talk to him cuz that's what other girls did, i said i was weird cuz i definitely wanna talk to him. He said i wasn't. I told him he wouldn't lose me as a friend and i didn't want him to just disappear. He said he wouldn't. Then his dad started yelling for him in the background. So he said he had to go but he still loved me and cared about me. I said i still love him and cared about him too. Then i told him I'd keep that promise about not hurting myself just for him. He said thanks and then he got serious and said that if he finds out i did do it he wouldn't wanna be friends(he hesitated to say it tho) he went on to say how he lost alot of friends that way and that alot of people thought that he would actually do something like that cuz of what he'd been through, so he really doesn't like that. I told him again that i would keep the promise just for him. He had to go now so he told me he still loved me and cared about me. I said the same about him and told him not to forget me. He said he wouldn't. I told him that he could still call me and that i did want to hear from him. He had to go now so we both said bye and he said he would call me sometime.

 

That was Wednesday. He didn't call me Thursday and today is Friday. I called him today but his dad told me he was helping a friend move and he didn't kno when he would be back. I tried to stop myself from calling him but i couldn't. I'm feeling somewhat better cuz of my friend but i still need help. If anybody can answer my questions that would be nice but I'm fine with just anyone's opinion of the whole thing or any advice. If you made it this far, i wish i had a prize for ya cuz wow.

Here's the questions again:

 

1. Do you think he will ever take me back?

2. Is it a good idea to stay friends?

3. Do you think it's ok for me to call or text him?

4. Why wasn't i mad at him for leaving me?

 

Also, i could only cancel my hotel reservations Not my tickets for the ride there. Any ideas of what i should buy would be nice. Or should i save it just in case he takes me back so i can come and visit. It's under 300 btw.

Edited December 26, 2014 by SoLonely73

[batt]

Paragraphs please. My situation isnt unlike yours. I met her on ps4. But to answer your questions. Yes, No, No, false hope. Unlike you I'm pissed the way it ended. Cancel everything.

[SoLonely73]

Paragraphs please. My situation isnt unlike yours. I met her on ps4. But to answer your questions. Yes, No, No, false hope. Unlike you I'm pissed the way it ended. Cancel everything.

 

Sorry to hear that and sorry for barely any real paragraphs. I'm typing on my phone cuz i don't have internet so it's hard to see and kinda annoying to go back and fix things. I tried to tho. I just was wondering why it's not a good idea to stay friends and what you meant by false hope.

 

Also, why do you think he would take me back?

Edited December 27, 2014 by SoLonely73

[batt]

At least every thing is somewhat more readable now lol. It seems he did the same thing you did to the guy you met before him. No, to everything. If I'm correct, you guys never actually met yet right? You cant have real feelings for someone unless you guys actually meet and start dating face to face, that's why you weren't mad.

[SoLonely73]

At least every thing is somewhat more readable now lol. It seems he did the same thing you did to the guy you met before him. No, to everything. If I'm correct, you guys never actually met yet right? You cant have real feelings for someone unless you guys actually meet and start dating face to face, that's why you weren't mad.

 

I guess i see what you mean but i do really really love him. I felt like i couldn't get mad at him cuz i was too sad idk. I do miss him so much. Wish he would change his mind. Also, idk i felt like karma hit me hard with this one. I think even when i spoke to him on the phone i said how weird it was that the same exact thing is happening around the same exact time. Also could you please explain your answers to the other questions like why i shouldn't be friends with him.

[almond]

You need psychological help. This is not healthy. Your depression, self-harm, and these online relationships with multiple strangers, who you were sexting while you had a bf. All of this indicates some issues within you that really need to be addressed if you want to grow into a happy, healthy human being.

 

 

Please see a professional to help you work through some of this stuff.

[Jenmarie]

1. Do you think he will ever take me back?

2. Is it a good idea to stay friends?

3. Do you think it's ok for me to call or text him?

4. Why wasn't i mad at him for leaving me?

 

1. Why would YOU WANT someone like this back? If he left you for someone else, he didn't love you enough to stay. You're obviously lacking self esteem and self worth if you feel like you still want someone who put you as an option and left you for someone else.

 

2. No. So you can be miserable and be put 2nd when he's your 1st? He's with someone else now. He CHOSE someone over you. Isn't that enough to stay away from this person? You deserve someone who wouldn't leave, especially over someone else. He made his decision. If he ends up regretting it, LET HIM DEAL WITH IT. Go find someone who is worth your love, because if he left you for someone else, then he isn't. Period. No matter how "special" you two were. That's over. You need to have the emotional strength to go NO CONTACT with this person. Be strong, do what is best for yourself- and I'm telling you, this guy isn't.

 

3. No. Do you want to seem desperate? He wants to "stay friends" and not be with you because he wants to have his cake and eat it too. He's taking you for granted. SHOW him what it's like to live without you and keep it that way. Get some self respect! You deserve a guy that would climb fences to be with you, not someone sitting on the fence to be with you.

 

4. Because you're in love and it makes you blind. You automatically forgive him due to your love and low self esteem. If you felt like you honestly deserved better, you would be upset. You would be mad. And you most likely wouldn't want him back or anything to do with him after he LEFT YOU FOR SOMEONE ELSE. He was clearly talking to someone else behind your back. Do you see the dishonesty here?

 

----

 

I've been through the stuff you went through when I was a teenager (I'm 24 now). I had self injury problems, depression, severe traumatic experiences growing up. I've had long distance/online relationships experience now. I actually met my boyfriend now on World of Warcraft. We met in real life and see each other, and we've been together for three years.

 

And the reason why you're sexting and texting other boys is because you like the attention. You like feeling wanted, etc. Well, sweetie. No guy will fill that hole in your heart for needing that. You need to fill it with love for yourself. Make yourself feel wanted and loved. All the things women crave, is something they need to give to themselves.

 

But you can't expect someone to be with you if you have absolutely no value for yourself. You can't expect someone to love you if you don't love yourself. I was very troubled for a really long time and it turns out I had untreated bipolar disorder for a long time. I got help. Now I'm happy, healthy and I haven't hurt myself physically in almost 5 years. (It's been since I was 19, and oh trust me, it was a struggle). So if I can find the inner strength to find love and confidence for myself, so can you. So get rid of this guy, cause sweetie I'm telling you, it's only going to be toxic to your life. Love yourself first before you jump into a situation like this again.

Edited December 27, 2014 by Jenmarie