AVarma Posted December 27, 2014 Posted December 27, 2014 Sounds like you're just lacking chemistry with each other. I'm pretty nerdy and introverted, and also a rabid fan of chess. If I found a partner who was also kickass in chess and enjoyed it, then I can imagine making very naughty wagers based on the victor of each match. Being introverted, nerdy, straight-laced, etc is not what makes a relationship dull, in my opinion. If your personalities simply aren't jiving and you're not experiencing any primal attraction, then it would probably grow old fast even if you're both manic meth heads. Naughty chess wagers? I have to say Danda I envy the virgin who ends up with you.... I just wonder if you might be too much for him
elaine567 Posted December 27, 2014 Posted December 27, 2014 I've been dating a beautiful, sweet woman for several months. She's kind of the plain Jane type. She never acts shallow or bitchy. She makes corny jokes which I often don't find funny but I know she tries. She is very responsible and holds a professional job. Despite all these great qualities that I look for in a mate, her straight laced lifestyle just kind of bores me at times. This seems to be a touchy topic as no one wants to be labeled "boring" or "too nice" but what is it about certain women( or men) that makes them seem unattractive despite being great people? Is there something insincere or difficult to relate to when a person never "bends the rules"? She may be a bit boring. It may be a simple personality clash or she may be mirroring you. She is perhaps hiding her personality because to her, YOU are very straitlaced... You also have to look deep inside yourself and ask yourself why you are not interested in a nice, stable, well educated person like this? Why do you want "excitement", heated discussions, arguments or even fights. Why is her contentment not attractive? Could you even be addicted to drama? Why Relationship Drama is Addictive, and What To Do About It * Hooking Up Smart : Hooking Up Smart
SomeDude16 Posted December 27, 2014 Posted December 27, 2014 Have you asked her, what do you want to do?
spanishchick00 Posted December 27, 2014 Posted December 27, 2014 Sounds like she's not right for you, even though she seems like a nice, pretty lady, you guys just aren't compatible and maybe she isn't right for you. 1
spiderowl Posted December 27, 2014 Posted December 27, 2014 It sounds like she is a hard person to please. Is that what you mean OP or is she just boring to you? Being hard to please and complaining or sulking all the time does not make her a nice person.
AVarma Posted December 27, 2014 Posted December 27, 2014 It sounds like she is a hard person to please. Is that what you mean OP or is she just boring to you? Being hard to please and complaining or sulking all the time does not make her a nice person. Nowhere in the original post is there any mention of whining and sulking. Honestly I think the OP is being a bit too hard on her. She seems like a girl one would marry. If she's too "boring" for the op just break up with her and move on although I would warn that if he gets a girlfriend who brings a lot of drama to the table he may miss the "nice", boring girl he has now. 2
Author avoforastig Posted December 27, 2014 Author Posted December 27, 2014 Man your girlfriend sounds a lot like me. Let me give you some advice (if you are interested in staying with her). Introverted people generally have very rich internal world's and are for the most part quite content in their own company. That is not to say I hate socializing, no I enjoy it however it's very draining and that is mostly because I find most people boring because they focus on incredibly superficial things. I hate small talk with a passion, it's fine with people I know and care about but with strangers it's tells me nothing about who they actually are. Talk to me about philosophy, science, technology, politics, literature hell maybe even something actually about yourself and no not what you do for a living. I mean who you are under all the bull **** and I would be all over you. I've dated women like your girlfriend almost exclusively and found if you stimulate them intellectually they are anything but "straightlaced" and are generally rotten closet perverts. Two of my ex's were in to public sex and the other was into bondage as examples. They were the very definition of "nice, boring, plain Jane's". If you don't challenge them in that regard they probably would rather read a book (as would I). I could see an aversion to small talk. However, small talk is the gateway to learning about other people and getting to a deeper conversation. I also think regularly seeing friends enriches life dramatically. If you don't see or talk with them regularly, how can you be able to have these convos? It's hard for me to see things from her point of view when it seems to be in direct conflict with my own. Does anyone not view it as concerning that she has little to no social life outside me?
Halcyon Posted December 28, 2014 Posted December 28, 2014 (edited) So I'm going out on a limb here and guessing you have never dated an introvert? I suggest you go do some reading on dating an introvert plenty of information on that from Dr.Google you need to understand introverts operate very differently from extroverts (which I'm assuming you are). We have a limited amount of energy we can expend before we are exhausted and need some time alone to recharge. I see my friends on a regular basis and if I can't I keep in regular contact and that is enough for me in most cases. I don't know how other introverts deal with small talk but generally I will entertain it for a short time and then quickly get bored of the conversation if it doesn't progress. I've become quite good at spotting people who feel the same way and can generally skip over it all together which is so nice when that happens. I understand the purpose of small talk, I just don't like it. It's a waste of time and energy for me at least. What you really need to understand is that introverts gain energy from solitude and that is why it is conflicting with your personality because you get energy from being around people right? Do you know she has no social life or just no shared social life with you? What do you define as a social life? Going out to parties and getting pissed or something similar to that? Ultimately I suggest you go do some reading on the subject, I'm sure your GF would be appreciative, hell she may even open up to you more if you talked to her about it in a civil manner. Either way you need to decide if that's for you or not. If you want someone who is a massive social butterfly and the life of the party you are probably dating the wrong person. Ultimately you have got to decide what is best for you. Edited December 28, 2014 by Halcyon
Recommended Posts