avoforastig Posted December 26, 2014 Posted December 26, 2014 (edited) I've been dating a beautiful, sweet woman for several months. She's kind of the plain Jane type. She never acts shallow or bitchy. She makes corny jokes which I often don't find funny but I know she tries. She is very responsible and holds a professional job. Despite all these great qualities that I look for in a mate, her straight laced lifestyle just kind of bores me at times. This seems to be a touchy topic as no one wants to be labeled "boring" or "too nice" but what is it about certain women( or men) that makes them seem unattractive despite being great people? Is there something insincere or difficult to relate to when a person never "bends the rules"? Edited December 26, 2014 by avoforastig 1
oldshirt Posted December 26, 2014 Posted December 26, 2014 I've been dating a beautiful, sweet woman for several months. She's kind of the plain Jane type. She never acts shallow or bitchy. She makes corny jokes which I often don't find funny but I know she tries. She is very responsible and holds a professional job. Despite all these great qualities that I look for in a mate, Those are great qualities in a mate as long as he/she is hot. What you are describing above is a good, decent person. The vast majority of the people on earth are good, decent people. What makes our special someone special is attraction. Attraction/chemistry comes first, then we date to determine if someone is a decent person and someone who we are compatible enough for something long term. 7
Diezel Posted December 26, 2014 Posted December 26, 2014 Why aren't you spicing up her life rather than expecting her to bring all the action to the table? 2
WomenWubber Posted December 26, 2014 Posted December 26, 2014 Why aren't you spicing up her life rather than expecting her to bring all the action to the table? I'm guessing because that would be one-sided and boring.
Author avoforastig Posted December 26, 2014 Author Posted December 26, 2014 Why aren't you spicing up her life rather than expecting her to bring all the action to the table? I try to but it gets tiring trying to inject energy into every situation. She just never seems very excited about doing anything. I always have to make all the social plans, dinner plans, etc. Otherwise, I think she'd just sit at home reading all day.
Halcyon Posted December 26, 2014 Posted December 26, 2014 I try to but it gets tiring trying to inject energy into every situation. She just never seems very excited about doing anything. I always have to make all the social plans, dinner plans, etc. Otherwise, I think she'd just sit at home reading all day. So basically you are dating an introvert but want someone who is out there.
DivorcedDad123 Posted December 26, 2014 Posted December 26, 2014 Have you dated in the past with those that bring or create drama? When you date someone like that, it makes normal, healthy people appear boring? She sounds like someone who's content in life.
most_distant_galaxy Posted December 26, 2014 Posted December 26, 2014 I've been dating a beautiful, sweet woman for several months. She's kind of the plain Jane type. She never acts shallow or bitchy. She makes corny jokes which I often don't find funny but I know she tries. She is very responsible and holds a professional job. Despite all these great qualities that I look for in a mate, her straight laced lifestyle just kind of bores me at times. This seems to be a touchy topic as no one wants to be labeled "boring" or "too nice" but what is it about certain women( or men) that makes them seem unattractive despite being great people? Is there something insincere or difficult to relate to when a person never "bends the rules"? Yes, I think you're spot on! It's hard for me to trust "too nice" people because I never know what they're really thinking or feeling. You just can't have a deep relationship with someone "too nice" because they avoid expressing emotions they consider "bad". Or if they do, they'll express them in a very passive aggressive way because they don't want to appear mean (even though the result is mean). They usually seek praise or something else in return, and that is shallow. Being too nice is nothing more than being pleasant, and I don't see how being pleasant brings things on the table. Now, I'm not saying that people should be rude a**holes, but some people think that being cordial and nice is a deeper virtue. No, that's a shallow way to think.
Halcyon Posted December 26, 2014 Posted December 26, 2014 Yes, I think you're spot on! It's hard for me to trust "too nice" people because I never know what they're really thinking or feeling. You just can't have a deep relationship with someone "too nice" because they avoid expressing emotions they consider "bad". Or if they do, they'll express them in a very passive aggressive way because they don't want to appear mean (even though the result is mean). They usually seek praise or something else in return, and that is shallow. Being too nice is nothing more than being pleasant, and I don't see how being pleasant brings things on the table. Now, I'm not saying that people should be rude a**holes, but some people think that being cordial and nice is a deeper virtue. No, that's a shallow way to think. Or they could be genuinely content and there is no reason to be pissy over nothing. She sounds like a well adjusted person who is pretty happy with who they are... 3
most_distant_galaxy Posted December 26, 2014 Posted December 26, 2014 Or they could be genuinely content and there is no reason to be pissy over nothing. She sounds like a well adjusted person who is pretty happy with who they are... Yes, indeed, I don't know this lady. She may not be "too nice", she may be just a calm content person, or too introverted for avoforastig.
Halcyon Posted December 26, 2014 Posted December 26, 2014 Yes, indeed, I don't know this lady. She may not be "too nice", she may be just a calm content person, or too introverted for avoforastig. Probably the later. The reason I say that is I fall into that category myself, I've heard this all before. Content with the simple things in life, give me a pile of books and I'll be happy for some time. Not someone who seeks danger or excitement because I don't need it. If you aren't happy dating an introvert or at least been the driver for "exciting" things then it isn't going to work out.
Ninjainpajamas Posted December 26, 2014 Posted December 26, 2014 She sounds good to me...wtf are you complaining about? are you listening to yourself? Furthermore, what are you bringing you to the table? It sounds like you are expecting her to bring into this situation something more appealing for you, like she has the responsibility to win you over...rather than you actually finding out more about her and seeing what is beyond the surface than you're taking at face value. So what if she's responsible and holds a professional job...that says nothing about her personality other than she is a responsible and capable adult. You sound like the type of guy that underestimates women a lot, and then you treat them according to your perception and you think and you judge quickly only to at the end of the day tell them that's what they're all about because you put them in that box rather than who they actually are. Let's say you do find her boring...what have you done to make your dates more interesting? are you just sitting back waiting for her to making it more interesting? You're the man, call me old-fashioned but you're the one driving, she's the passenger. If you want something and you have some kind of expectation then lead the way, be confident in yourself and fill the gaps by finding something in common there and make it interesting. I've dated very different type of women, and yes sometimes I am not interested but that's usually attraction/chemistry based rather than personality, but there's always something interesting about that person and something in common if you are truly interested in them...however if you're not feeling that way, and it feels like more work and effort than pleasure...then you're with the wrong person. 3
Halcyon Posted December 26, 2014 Posted December 26, 2014 I would be all over wanting to know what she is reading but that's just me. But yes I agree, what exactly are you expecting for her to do? What exactly is it that is missing?
Tayken Posted December 26, 2014 Posted December 26, 2014 I've been dating a beautiful, sweet woman for several months. She's kind of the plain Jane type. She never acts shallow or bitchy. She makes corny jokes which I often don't find funny but I know she tries. She is very responsible and holds a professional job. Despite all these great qualities that I look for in a mate, her straight laced lifestyle just kind of bores me at times. This seems to be a touchy topic as no one wants to be labeled "boring" or "too nice" but what is it about certain women( or men) that makes them seem unattractive despite being great people? Is there something insincere or difficult to relate to when a person never "bends the rules"? I'll personally take all this over some in your face, loud mouth, obnoxious, non-professional career, cigarette smoking, drinking extrovert to be honest...sounds to be like she has more going for her, and I'll definitely have no problem creating some fun for US BOTH in and out of the bedroom. This might wake up the inner naughtiness in her i.e. act a catalyst to get her going. Compared to much of the pap/rubbish out there now, I'll take what you described in a heartbeat. Just saying, and be careful what you wish for in the not so "plain Janes" 1
Grego Posted December 26, 2014 Posted December 26, 2014 Yes, I think you're spot on! It's hard for me to trust "too nice" people because I never know what they're really thinking or feeling. You just can't have a deep relationship with someone "too nice" because they avoid expressing emotions they consider "bad". Or if they do, they'll express them in a very passive aggressive way because they don't want to appear mean (even though the result is mean). They usually seek praise or something else in return, and that is shallow. Being too nice is nothing more than being pleasant, and I don't see how being pleasant brings things on the table. Now, I'm not saying that people should be rude a**holes, but some people think that being cordial and nice is a deeper virtue. No, that's a shallow way to think. Was surprised to see him complaining about a too nice girl. Have rarely heard guys complain. On the other hand girls run as fast as they can from too nice guys. 1
preraph Posted December 26, 2014 Posted December 26, 2014 People who are interesting, you'd probably never be temped to describe as "plain." If someone is interesting, they aren't dull. They have a little color to them, a little personality. Yes, plain nice people make nice dull mates - if being compliant is all you care about. Nothing wrong with that, but leave them to those who are also plain, nice and dull because they'll get along better and not bore each other to death. I like someone with a little fire and some opinions myself, and yes they are more trouble. 1
Tayken Posted December 26, 2014 Posted December 26, 2014 Was surprised to see him complaining about a too nice girl. Have rarely heard guys complain. On the other hand girls run as fast as they can from too nice guys. If the OP is still skeptical...pls pass this said woman my particulars. I know what to do with her
losangelena Posted December 26, 2014 Posted December 26, 2014 OP, what about her do you like? What I mean by that is, why, if you're describing her as boring, have you continued seeing her? Certainly there must be something that's keeping you around—beyond the sex (if you're having sex). When you say she just wants to sit at home and read, are you saying she actually does this or that is just her stated preference? When y'all do go out, what do you do? Is she a fun person when you're out? Does she laugh and make conversation?
Danda Posted December 26, 2014 Posted December 26, 2014 Sounds like you're just lacking chemistry with each other. I'm pretty nerdy and introverted, and also a rabid fan of chess. If I found a partner who was also kickass in chess and enjoyed it, then I can imagine making very naughty wagers based on the victor of each match. Being introverted, nerdy, straight-laced, etc is not what makes a relationship dull, in my opinion. If your personalities simply aren't jiving and you're not experiencing any primal attraction, then it would probably grow old fast even if you're both manic meth heads. 2
Tayken Posted December 26, 2014 Posted December 26, 2014 Sounds like you're just lacking chemistry with each other. I'm pretty nerdy and introverted, and also a rabid fan of chess. If I found a partner who was also kickass in chess and enjoyed it, then I can imagine making very naughty wagers based on the victor of each match. Being introverted, nerdy, straight-laced, etc is not what makes a relationship dull, in my opinion. If your personalities simply aren't jiving and you're not experiencing any primal attraction, then it would probably grow old fast even if you're both manic meth heads. Check mate
Author avoforastig Posted December 26, 2014 Author Posted December 26, 2014 I would be all over wanting to know what she is reading but that's just me. But yes I agree, what exactly are you expecting for her to do? What exactly is it that is missing? I'd have to say her generally sour attitude toward socializing is a concern about her. She never initiates any plans with her friends. Rarely to never hangs out with anyone except me or me and my friends. Gets invited to parties only to act like they are a chore to attend and while at the party is the first to want to leave. She always frequently declined invitations to socialize, and was recently chastised by her friend for doing so. I guess it's her lack of enthusiasm for wanting to do things most people consider fun that is missing. She also just tends to be a "no" person, declining my attempts to get her excited about anything. I can't even get her to slip in quickie here and there.
Halcyon Posted December 27, 2014 Posted December 27, 2014 (edited) Man your girlfriend sounds a lot like me. Let me give you some advice (if you are interested in staying with her). Introverted people generally have very rich internal world's and are for the most part quite content in their own company. That is not to say I hate socializing, no I enjoy it however it's very draining and that is mostly because I find most people boring because they focus on incredibly superficial things. I hate small talk with a passion, it's fine with people I know and care about but with strangers it's tells me nothing about who they actually are. Talk to me about philosophy, science, technology, politics, literature hell maybe even something actually about yourself and no not what you do for a living. I mean who you are under all the bull **** and I would be all over you. I've dated women like your girlfriend almost exclusively and found if you stimulate them intellectually they are anything but "straightlaced" and are generally rotten closet perverts. Two of my ex's were in to public sex and the other was into bondage as examples. They were the very definition of "nice, boring, plain Jane's". If you don't challenge them in that regard they probably would rather read a book (as would I). Edited December 27, 2014 by Halcyon 3
Woggle Posted December 27, 2014 Posted December 27, 2014 People these days are attracted to drama because they don't have any real and healthy excitement in their lives. It is a cheap way to get some dopa mine instead of actually having a full and balanced life.
AVarma Posted December 27, 2014 Posted December 27, 2014 Was surprised to see him complaining about a too nice girl. Have rarely heard guys complain. On the other hand girls run as fast as they can from too nice guys. I know right? When did men start complaining about nice girls? 1
Tayken Posted December 27, 2014 Posted December 27, 2014 I know right? When did men start complaining about nice girls? Perhaps it's a female masquerading as a guy????
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