JeezLuiz Posted December 26, 2014 Posted December 26, 2014 I might make a post about the whole story of my breakup, but right now I have a question concerning my current situation and this paranoia I'm having about no contact. Me and my ex girlfriend were together for eight months and we're very passionate to the very end, really didn't have much issues and it happened to be a very enjoyable relationship despite the unfortunate end, which was a week ago. We had a mutual breakup over religious differences, I'm Christian, she's agnostic. This was something that sort of bugged me throughout the relationship and even (and I cringe every time I think and out this looking back) got to the point where I pressured her to convert. That part was 4 months ago. A week ago she said she couldn't be a Christian to which we both agreed raising children would be difficult with our apparent differences, however I was the only one who cared about the difference. She accepted me for my beliefs but I didnt. The night after our mutual breakup, I started realizing how wrong I was for judging her for her beliefs and I now truly feel I should respect her for who she is and not just based on her beliefs. I told her this the next day, but to no avail. She basically feels if we get back together this will happen again, but now I feel I should love her for who she is, not her beliefs. After begging and pleading, she kept refusing however she was reply to my begging lol and actually giving me legit responses but now I feel like crap for two reasons. 1. I now regret ever judging her and losing a great love and 2. The last thing I texted was something along the lines of saying "Sorry I annoyed you, I will give your space, thanks for everything we had bla bla bla and text me anytime, again thanks." Any thoughts on how I can show her that I respect her for who she is now and did I screw up the No Contact rule by sending that last text? I haven't contacted her in six days.
HurtGator Posted December 26, 2014 Posted December 26, 2014 I think there are a few differences in a relationship that may not be salvageable no matter how in love, passionate, and perfect a couple is: 1) Political view 2) Religion 3) Race 4) Culture I'm not saying those are always an issue. I'm saying if one or both feel strongly about any of those that neither one wants to budge, then I think its a justifiable reason to break it off with no hard feelings. Question: Why did you start dating an agnostic if it bothered you so much? If religion is an issue for me (which it is) I wouldn't have started anything with anyone who isn't compatible in that regard.
Author JeezLuiz Posted December 26, 2014 Author Posted December 26, 2014 That's the point..I wasn't thinking and couldn't make up my mind what was more important. The even worse part is I'm not even that devout. Do you think the no contact rule can work the way I started it with that last text?
batt Posted December 26, 2014 Posted December 26, 2014 I'll give you my pov, as a christian turned agnostic. I understand religious people are very devoted towards their religion, but as an agnostic it extremely pisses me off if people push their beliefs on me and then try to get me to convert. Speaking as an agnostic, it seems that we are able to accept other peoples religious beliefs, but when it comes to our beliefs it doesn't matter to some religious people. Yes, by trying to get her to convert upsetted her a great deal. You were basically saying I'm right, you're wrong. I completely understand her reasoning.
HurtGator Posted December 26, 2014 Posted December 26, 2014 That's the point..I wasn't thinking and couldn't make up my mind what was more important. The even worse part is I'm not even that devout. Do you think the no contact rule can work the way I started it with that last text? Honestly, if I was dating someone who was very strong in a religion I wasn't a part of and we broke up. Then they all of a sudden are saying their religion isn't important anymore, then I don't think i'd get back with them for the same reason that was said to you: you'll probably change your mind again. Do you go to church? Would she let you baptize your kids? Would she have prevented you from practicing your religion with your kids? I honestly don't think any of those things are negotiable. She is either going to let you practice your religion or not.
Author JeezLuiz Posted December 26, 2014 Author Posted December 26, 2014 Yes she wouldn't mind we talked about that sort of thing and no I haven't been to church in years but it's not that it's not important it's that I feel that because she was such a great person that if the only reason we broke up was because of religion I feel that I should be have judge her like that. I think the main reason why I at first made a big deal about it was because of how I believe non believers go to hell. It sounds rude I know, but that's what really bothered me Initially but does that give me the right to just say goodbye to her? I don't think so
Author JeezLuiz Posted December 26, 2014 Author Posted December 26, 2014 Is there any way I can try to show her I now respect her for her beliefs?
batt Posted December 26, 2014 Posted December 26, 2014 As a non believer, if you thought I will go to hell because I dont believe in the same thing as you its over.
HurtGator Posted December 26, 2014 Posted December 26, 2014 Yes she wouldn't mind we talked about that sort of thing and no I haven't been to church in years but it's not that it's not important it's that I feel that because she was such a great person that if the only reason we broke up was because of religion I feel that I should be have judge her like that. I think the main reason why I at first made a big deal about it was because of how I believe non believers go to hell. It sounds rude I know, but that's what really bothered me Initially but does that give me the right to just say goodbye to her? I don't think so Well, from a Christianity stand point, you actually have to believe that Jesus is our savior in order to be saved. So simply converting her to Christianity while she doesn't really believe in it isn't going to save her. Am I right? It has to really come from her. Anyway. Anyway, like I said religion can be one of those things that are non negotiable so I kind of understand where she's coming from. She doesn't know why you all of a sudden changed you stance on it. Right now she thinks that you are only doing it because you're afraid to lose her. I think you should sit down, write a really long letter/email and send it to her. This will do two things: 1) Allows you to move on because you would have done what you could to honestly express your stance and why you changed them. 2) Lets her understand your entire thought behind the change and will give her the space to think about it and to see if she will buy it. After you send the letter, don't contact her anymore. If she comes back, then you work on it.
Author JeezLuiz Posted December 26, 2014 Author Posted December 26, 2014 I understand Bratt and I'm sorry if I offended you, and Gator that's some good advice and I totally understand what you were saying when you said she probably thinks I'm just saying it to get her back. I'm strongly considering sending her a message maybe letting her know that I'm working on myself to make me more of a accepting person towards people in general?? T
Author JeezLuiz Posted December 26, 2014 Author Posted December 26, 2014 After 8 months of a strong, loving relationship, me and my ex broke up over reasons I now regret, that story has already been posted though. My question is about the No Contact rule. After begging and pleading for her to come back (surprisingly she would respond with very explanatory responses I might add) I than decided to give up on the begging and ended it with a text like this..... "Sorry I annoyed you, I will respect your space...thanks for a great relationship...however I'm not giving up, I still wanna be with you, text me whenever and thanks." That was the last of any communication exchanged between me and my ex and that was exactly a week ago. I'm going through no contact right now. The question that's been bugging me lately is did I make a mistake by telling her to "text me whenever" and "I will respect your space" and "but I'm not giving up, I still wanna be with you" I feel now if she texts me I won't reply since I plan on doing no contact for at least a month, but I feel that all those things I said beats the point of NC because I basically painted the picture that I'm TOO available. Will this decreases the chances of her REALLY missing me because of what I said and did I do the No Contact rule right???
Noproblem Posted December 26, 2014 Posted December 26, 2014 Going no contact is really about your self-control It's not about her It's about stopping calling her texting her looking at your old pictures with her looking at your old text together Checking her twitter, Facebook, Instagram Going to places that she might be at No contact is no contact! so if you did any of these you broke the rule your message showed you care about her still but it has nothing to do with the NO CONTACT
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