lostsoul6486 Posted December 26, 2014 Posted December 26, 2014 I have been a lot better since my break up and I've kept no contact for almost 4 months now. I posted here a couple of days ago about a dream that I had and it's had me missing her since then. There have even been times I've thought about contacting her. The thing is, it would make no sense. Texting her now would just end up being an awkward conversation. I don't even know why I want to contact her on what I want to tell her. I guess what I'm trying to say is: be strong. NC at the beginning seems IMPOSSIBLE but it will get to the point where contacting your ex will just seem stupid after enough time passes. I never thought I'd get to this point, but I did. If I did, anyone can. Trust me. I was a wreck lol. 4
DontBreak Posted December 26, 2014 Posted December 26, 2014 Great advice well done Kept yourself busy ? 1
Josmatjes Posted December 26, 2014 Posted December 26, 2014 I wish I had your strength.... At this point I'm only 2 days again.... Just went 21 days and crashed, so I'm starting again..... This sucks 1
Author lostsoul6486 Posted December 26, 2014 Author Posted December 26, 2014 How long were you together ? A year followed by on-again-off-again for about 7 months. Kept yourself busy? Yeah, as much as possible. I graduated from my university and got a new job in my career field which has been super exciting among other things. I wish I had your strength.... At this point I'm only 2 days again.... Just went 21 days and crashed, so I'm starting again..... This sucks I feel you. I had A LOT of crashes and they suck. You contact that person hoping for some type of response but you either get something you don't want to hear or nothing at all. Whenever you feel like contacting your ex again, post here instead. There's a pinned thread dedicated to that. You could even PM me if you want and I'll try to talk you down Now that I'm feeling better, I know how hard it is to get to this point so I just want to help anyone in any way that I could. I'm not completely out of the woods yet, but I'm in a much better place than I was before. 1
RedButton Posted December 26, 2014 Posted December 26, 2014 I'm at nearly two months, feeling good but want to contact her due to Xmas season. Also just generally thinking about her more than usual because of the holidays. I managed to make it through Xmas day without sending her anything, so that's good.
DontBreak Posted December 27, 2014 Posted December 27, 2014 Well done Redbutton keep going Keep yourself busy I brought myself a guitar I've always wanted so she's keeping me busy 1
RedButton Posted December 27, 2014 Posted December 27, 2014 Well done Redbutton keep going Keep yourself busy I brought myself a guitar I've always wanted so she's keeping me busy I bought myself a weight set and I've been using it at least once every two days. I haven't been writing on account of the holidays (taking a break to relax) but I usually work on a book and more recently, comic I'm trying to write as well. Taking it one day at a time, I still feel like I should send her a text for her Birthday, but I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. Each day that passes I challenge myself on that notion a bit more.
Josmatjes Posted December 28, 2014 Posted December 28, 2014 How do you pm somebody? Also how do you find a pinned thing.... Whatever that means.... Looking for strength with no contact... 1
Author lostsoul6486 Posted January 3, 2015 Author Posted January 3, 2015 How do you pm somebody? Also how do you find a pinned thing.... Whatever that means.... Looking for strength with no contact... I tried to send you a pm, but I'm not sure if you got it. The pinned posts are at the top of the page. When they're pinned it just means they never leave the front page.
welshbambi Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 I'm nearly to the end of 5 weeks. I have thought often about sending a message but it's just that, a thought. I have never sat there writing it and then wondering if I should hit send. More than anything I seem to have a tight grip on dignity, and I suspect it's because I know deep down he wouldn't respond so what's the point? When you genuinely believe there is a chance for reconciliation I think that is when NC is harder. However, this week, having watched a particular set of films, I really wanted to message him. Not to try and start a dialogue but because I know he would be the only person that would get my interest and excitement at watching them. So I guess it's more that I was missing our common interests and having no one else to share them with. May god he is such an a$$ for getting rid of me. I actually am his perfect girl on paper. Yes, yes, I know if that was the case he would never have ended it, but seriously, he will be hard pushed to find someone like me that would be interested in him. **** that, the question I SHOULD be asking myself is why the hell did I lower my standards for HIM? RAAAAAHHHHH!!!! 2
blackcat777 Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 So I guess it's more that I was missing our common interests and having no one else to share them with. These are the little realizations that become the most important over time, because you separate what you like from the ex, and eventually come to realize you can still have what you like... without the ex... and maybe something even better. That's empowerment. Also, if a reconciliation is meant to happen, NC won't stop a thing; it will only protect you from lazy attempts at being used for the ex's gratification. 2
welshbambi Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 These are the little realizations that become the most important over time, because you separate what you like from the ex, and eventually come to realize you can still have what you like... without the ex... and maybe something even better. That's empowerment. Also, if a reconciliation is meant to happen, NC won't stop a thing; it will only protect you from lazy attempts at being used for the ex's gratification. Totally agree. I still enjoy those things just as much - in the first couple of weeks I shied away from them. But now if I start to get silly like that I just say to myself "you liked this before him" or "that place was there before he was" and carry on my merry way. I aim to put new associations with it now. Easier said than done sometimes but it will get better. Don't worry, I don't plan on giving in. He had his chance and I am not anybody's toy or second option. 2
proactivedreamer Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 It has been a few days for me, and I feel all mixed up about it. I guess I feel like this was the right thing, but force of habit and my love for him makes me want to reach out. The thing that keeps me from doing so is the fact that nothing changed, or will change in our relationship. He last told me that he had not given up on us, and hopefully this time apart will bring things into perspective. I kind of wanted to tell him that he is full of ****. It really makes no sense to say that sort of thing to me when he had nearly 3 years to "get it together." There is really nothing to "bring into perspective." That last conversation actually pissed me off, and just lets me know he is truly clueless, apathetic, and just off into some other realm of reality. It is truly hard to go NC, but it really helps. I honestly feel relieved to have ended the relationship, and not be talking. We were going back and forth so much these last 12 months, and I had to just come to terms that he isn't not dating material right now, and does not seem interested in getting help. That was the hardest thing to accept. The hardest thing! It was so stressful being with him, and trying to get him to do basic things for himself. So, Yeah I am having somewhat of hard time, but I feel relieved and like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I still love him, and wish it could have worked out. 1
erklat Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 He last told me that he had not given up on us, and hopefully this time apart will bring things into perspective. I kind of wanted to tell him that he is full of ****. It really makes no sense to say that sort of thing to me when he had nearly 3 years to "get it together." There is really nothing to "bring into perspective." Oh things are in perspective way more than you think while he is looking for another partner and luckily just trying to string you along.
Author lostsoul6486 Posted January 5, 2015 Author Posted January 5, 2015 These are the little realizations that become the most important over time, because you separate what you like from the ex, and eventually come to realize you can still have what you like... without the ex... and maybe something even better. That's empowerment. Also, if a reconciliation is meant to happen, NC won't stop a thing; it will only protect you from lazy attempts at being used for the ex's gratification. That is the part that took me forever to understand. She is the one who left me. The reason why we're not together is because she didn't want to be together anymore. She showed that by her actions. Whenever I thought about her, I used to get pissed because she cheated. That rage kept me from contacting her, but it was terrible for me. It made me miserable. It still hurts that she cheated because no matter what, I still care about her. It may sound stupid because she wronged me, but it's the truth. What keeps me from contacting her is no longer my anger, although it does manifest itself every once in a while. It's the fact that I've come to accept that what's meant to be is simply meant to be. If I contact her, I'll just seem pathetic and desperate and if she contacts me it would just be out of laziness because she thinks I would take her back no matter what. True reconciliation can only happen if we both completely let go of each other first. That means no contact which in turn shows why the chances of reconciling with an ex are slim to none. It's a big world out there and letting someone go means you'll probably lose them, but it's the only thing you can do for your own good. It's a tough pill to swallow, but it is the truth.
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