ThreeYearsDumb Posted December 25, 2014 Posted December 25, 2014 I spent the morning at my Ex's house so we could both spend Christmas morning together with our daughter. I gave her extra time with her today so the Ex and my daughter could have the best Christmas possible. If I would have taken my kid it just would have been back to my house, just the two of us. If she went with my Ex she would be surrounded by family, as it should be on Christmas. I got a pity invite to go with them, as my Ex found out I had nowhere else to go and was saddened that I would be spending the rest of Christmas alone. I politely declined as it's not my place anymore. She is getting serious with a new guy, so while on top of founding out they are more serious than I thought, she now pities me. I would do anything to get my family back and I left today still feeling we will be together again. The denial is strong in me and I can't seem to fight it off. The Ex had a bad Christmas last year so I am hoping that by letting her spend more of it with our daughter I contributed to her having a better one this year.
kenmore Posted December 26, 2014 Posted December 26, 2014 I saw my soon-to-be-ex yesterday, and though it was wonderful seeing her again, it made me feel a bit more empty today. It's not logical. I ask myself if it would have been better if we didn't see each other or communicate? We're still married and it just seems wrong to me not to at least communicate with one's spouse on a special day. I know from the psychological standpoint that seeing her yesterday, laughing, opening gifts, talking could and most likely would make me feel more lonely today, but logically as I said, not doing anything should be so much worse. I'd like to congratulate you on putting your daughter's and ex's needs above your own, that was the right thing to do, though I know it must have been painful for you. Like you, the denial still creeps in the fringe. It doesn't help that my wife has been sending mixed messages all along. One time she'll tel me we're done and to forget us, and another say one day maybe we'll be together again. Just yesterday she told me within ten minutes of each other that she wants to divorce me now because she's tired of the situation and that she's not sure if she actually wants a divorce, and may decide to stop it. While that is cruel, she doesn't mean to be. She is simply not really sure, but I must put myself in a safety zone. I can't let the denial put me in danger. As for your ex's pity, it may not be that. It may be guilt on her part. Seeing you in person and knowing you would be alone most likely triggered it. I know my wife is feeling the same pangs of emptiness I'm feeling, nobody is a machine. Well, Merry Christmas to you, and I hope you were able to find peace in your heart tonight. Ken
Author ThreeYearsDumb Posted December 26, 2014 Author Posted December 26, 2014 Thanks for your kind words Ken. I know there are many of us struggling today. The contact does make it difficult. Being in her house this morning was happiest I have been since I lived there in late August. I only truly feel complete when the three of us are together as a family. It's all I want in life. My Ex also shows signs of being confused. She is constantly touching me when we are together and often brings up our relationship without prompting. But she is working towards a new life and I'm not apart of it. Sadly I haven't found much peace tonight. Just the ruffled pangs of lingering heartbreak. I do believe that things can change in a moment.
NopeNah Posted December 26, 2014 Posted December 26, 2014 Bad situation to put yourself in. You need to stop talking to her,unless it has to do with the kid. It is hard,but you need to do it.
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