jojojo_92 Posted December 25, 2014 Posted December 25, 2014 Hi guys, So basically my BF and I have been together for 5 years... When it's good, we're great but when it's bad, it's horrible. I'm his first GF, his first everything... Even to hold his hand. It was fine after the 1st couple of years but then the fights started to kick in. There was a lot of immaturity (I was 17 and he was 20 when we first got together) and it got to the point where sometimes during the fights I'd be so scared to let him leave that I'd lock the door and hide the key and he would kick me and slam me into things... The physical things did stop eventually though, but he'd still explode at me in public and scream at me on the street if we'd fight. Whenever his family would hear him shouting down the phone at me they'd blame me and say I was making him angry as they'd never seen that side of him before. He would blame me for his anger issues (I provoked him, wouldn't leave him, he'd see no other choice etc) but one of his childhood friends told me that he'd always been that way. The thing is, when he's with his family they see him as a gentle giant and an angel that could do no wrong. I'm now 2 months pregnant with his child and the last time we spoke he told me he was done with our relationship, I'm planning to write a letter to his parents to tell them that they do have a grandchild that exists but I also feel that they should know about his anger problems... I was tired that he and his family constantly blamed me for all the problems in our relationship (he'd involve them or make a scene so they'd get involved) and although I know there's no saving it, I still have love for him and I think he should get the help he needs. I know we're not in a relationship anymore but I feel like his parents have babied him (he's 25!) and they should know about his abusive behaviour. I suppose my question is.... Is it really my fault that he was this way? I know I pushed him sometimes but was I the one to blame for his anger issues? It confuses me because he's only like this with me... Not with his family. If he ever has a problem with them, he ignores it or pretends like it's not a big deal. I don't know why he explodes like this when it comes to me
d0nnivain Posted December 27, 2014 Posted December 27, 2014 You are in no way shape or form responsible for his anger issues or the accompanying violence. You are responsible for your bad decision to get pregnant by an abuser. Anyway, he needs therapy. Lots & lots of intensive therapy that you are not qualified to provide. Your obligation is to your unborn child. Eat healthy & convince him to sign away his parental rights, since he is done with you. Then either put the baby up for adoption or raise the baby yourself but keep him away from this abusive batterer.
amaysngrace Posted December 27, 2014 Posted December 27, 2014 In a word...NO You can't make a person act out by yelling or by becoming physically violent. That's entirely his choice to react that way. Free will, you know?
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