Haerts Posted December 25, 2014 Posted December 25, 2014 Hi everyone! I've been going out with this guy for about 2 months now, or a little longer than that. I met him shortfly after breaking up with my EX and he's definitely better. I'm not sure if it was wrong that I accepted to be his girlfriend like 2 weeks ago, and I know that everything is still very recent. Thing is, I'm out of town for Christmas and New Years since Monday, with my family. Last night he called me and we talked a little and he said he was going to a club with his friends - he had told me before and I said it was no problem. He said that he misses me a lot, that he can't wait to see me again, that he can't imagine himself with any other girl at the moment, and stuff like that, what made me feel quite secure. However, I'm kinda upset about the fact that, after we hung up, there was no more contact at all. I went to sleep after a while but I still expected to receive a text or two by the time I woke up. I don't know, I just wanted to know when he got home, or wanted to have received something through the night, a picture, maybe something that reminded him of me, maybe a drunk text saying he likes me, I don't know, anything. We met in that club and we've gone there a few times since that. Since I didn't receive anything, I find myself wondering if he isn't that into me or if that's something stupid I'm worrying about. I do know that I'm expecting him to do something I would do; what I do not know is if that's something he should've done or if I'm expecting too much. I don't wanna ruin anything, that's why I'm asking you guys for some insight.
Tonic Posted December 25, 2014 Posted December 25, 2014 So basically - you expected a message within the time frame of 1 night (please correct me if im wrong) Putting it blunty, keeping it simple... chill out some people text constantly others dont feel the need to 3
Author Haerts Posted December 25, 2014 Author Posted December 25, 2014 Yeah, well, I have to admit that I'm feeling a bit insecure. Had he sent me a picture, text or whatever, I'd be okay. You know, I like the attention. I'd certainly do what I was waiting for, but I cannot expect everyone to act the way I would, right? I don't wanna ask him to do that either, like send me something through the night or tell me when he gets home. I don't wanna look clingy. :\ Thank you!
Tonic Posted December 25, 2014 Posted December 25, 2014 Does he know you feel that way? Maybe he is just trying to be respectful in the way that he realises you are spending time with family. Or possibly he doesn't think you would appreciate messages or calls at some ungodly hour in the morning. 2
Author Haerts Posted December 25, 2014 Author Posted December 25, 2014 He's not acting that way to be respectful. That's just how he is. So far, he's shown me he's not that type of guy who will do little things in order to show how much he likes me, or will contact me often, which has always been something I expect from a relationship, since I'm that way. I like him though, like I said I don't want him to think I'm needy or clingy. Everything's been going well so far, so I'll do what you said and chill out. With time I'll find out whether he's a good match or not. My ex was kinda like him regarding this subject and it was hard for me, but I ended up learning how to not expect so much. Still sometimes I wonder whether it's me with expectations or it's him that's no good for me.
ExpatInItaly Posted December 25, 2014 Posted December 25, 2014 Yes, I think you're over-reacting. He had a fun night with friends. I wouldn't go into panic mode because you didn't get a message. Relax and don't let your insecurities get the best of you until he actually gives you a reason to worry. 1
losangelena Posted December 25, 2014 Posted December 25, 2014 Hi everyone! I've been going out with this guy for about 2 months now, or a little longer than that. I met him shortfly after breaking up with my EX and he's definitely better. I'm not sure if it was wrong that I accepted to be his girlfriend like 2 weeks ago, and I know that everything is still very recent. Thing is, I'm out of town for Christmas and New Years since Monday, with my family. Last night he called me and we talked a little and he said he was going to a club with his friends - he had told me before and I said it was no problem. He said that he misses me a lot, that he can't wait to see me again, that he can't imagine himself with any other girl at the moment, and stuff like that, what made me feel quite secure. However, I'm kinda upset about the fact that, after we hung up, there was no more contact at all. I went to sleep after a while but I still expected to receive a text or two by the time I woke up. I don't know, I just wanted to know when he got home, or wanted to have received something through the night, a picture, maybe something that reminded him of me, maybe a drunk text saying he likes me, I don't know, anything. We met in that club and we've gone there a few times since that. Since I didn't receive anything, I find myself wondering if he isn't that into me or if that's something stupid I'm worrying about. I do know that I'm expecting him to do something I would do; what I do not know is if that's something he should've done or if I'm expecting too much. I don't wanna ruin anything, that's why I'm asking you guys for some insight. Whoa girl, back it up. Don't live or die based on what this guy does. You said you felt secure after he told you all those wonderful things on the phone, yet here you are, 12 hours later, feeling insecure simply because he didn't text you that he got home or send you a picture? Literally nothing has happened for you to legit call anything into question. In my mind, at two months, that amount of communication is too much. However, I know that I feel comfortable with less contact. However again, I'd say that if you feel like you need/want more communication—like a text saying "got home safe," then I don't see that there's anything wrong with telling him that. That's not clingy behavior. That's you asserting your own relationship needs in a confident manner. To say, "I really like it when you send me a goodnight text when you get home," is not a demanding thing. Now, he may be that he doesn't necessarily want to do that, but at least it's on the table, ya know? Women get so afraid of being perceived as "clingy," yet there's a big difference between being clingy and expressing legitimate relational needs. You're a human who has needs and wants. You want to be with someone who can meet them—that's natural and normal (I struggle with this too, by the way; I'm not lecturing). In this instance though, I would say that yes you're overreacting. 4
Author Haerts Posted December 25, 2014 Author Posted December 25, 2014 Thanks everyone, you were all awesome! He called me a few hours after my last reply to say how his night was, with details and all, and I didn't have to ask for it. I told him afterwards that I really like when he tells me how things went and he says I deserve to know everything, we're dating and he has nothing to hide. So indeed, I was overreacting. It's just that it's so hard after so many deceptions, so much baggage, to trust one more time. But I'm trying and I'm glad I didn't commit any mistake - you all helped me on that too. Thanks a lot! 1
Redhead14 Posted December 26, 2014 Posted December 26, 2014 (edited) Hi everyone! I've been going out with this guy for about 2 months now, or a little longer than that. I met him shortfly after breaking up with my EX and he's definitely better. I'm not sure if it was wrong that I accepted to be his girlfriend like 2 weeks ago, and I know that everything is still very recent. Thing is, I'm out of town for Christmas and New Years since Monday, with my family. Last night he called me and we talked a little and he said he was going to a club with his friends - he had told me before and I said it was no problem. He said that he misses me a lot, that he can't wait to see me again, that he can't imagine himself with any other girl at the moment, and stuff like that, what made me feel quite secure. However, I'm kinda upset about the fact that, after we hung up, there was no more contact at all. I went to sleep after a while but I still expected to receive a text or two by the time I woke up. I don't know, I just wanted to know when he got home, or wanted to have received something through the night, a picture, maybe something that reminded him of me, maybe a drunk text saying he likes me, I don't know, anything. We met in that club and we've gone there a few times since that. Since I didn't receive anything, I find myself wondering if he isn't that into me or if that's something stupid I'm worrying about. I do know that I'm expecting him to do something I would do; what I do not know is if that's something he should've done or if I'm expecting too much. I don't wanna ruin anything, that's why I'm asking you guys for some insight. It's been two months . . . frankly, declaring a relationship after only two months is too soon. In addition, even if it's been 6 months or even more, just because you don't hear from him when he's been out with his friends and especially since he called you earlier in the day, doesn't mean anything. YOu should be happy that he'd apparently had a great time. That was HIS space and HIS time, he should have that. Don't mention it to him. If you do, it will be about clinginess and neediness. Pay attention to how he treats you and how you feel when you are together and in between those times when he's having ME time. And, get yourself some ME time. On days/evenings when you know he's going out on his own, you plan something for yourself or learn to be content with having your own alone time. Later on, if things develop and you start spending the majority of time together, you will want some ME time yourself. And, when he is out with his friends, I wouldn't text or call him either. Edited December 26, 2014 by Redhead14
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