Jay13094 Posted December 25, 2014 Posted December 25, 2014 I see myself always getting hurt when i'm dating because I get emotionally attached too easily and when i'm used to a certain routine (whether it be seeing them daily, talking to them daily) and as soon as that routine changes, I become very insecure and beat myself up wondering what i did wrong. I'm sick of feeling like this esp since it may be only a couple weeks into dating. I recently discovered im needy once I get attached- i do not want to be that girl for not his sake, but my sake as well. I personally cannot talk to a couple of guys at once because I feel like i'm playing with them.. or playing a game and almost like "cheating" even though I can do whatever the heck I want. With that said.. of course I would be disappointed if the person i was dating was talking to multiple other woman. But ppl seem to say that in order to not get attached.. talk to other guys and keep your options open but that to me is something i just personally cannot do. Any words of advice?
mysteryscape Posted December 25, 2014 Posted December 25, 2014 almost every word of what you say, and I'm a male, an older male. Somehow, you need to learn to hold back even seeing just one guy. (I totally get it about seeing two or more romantically as not feeling right. You will get a lot of advice telling you to drop that. I doubt that it will work for you.) Do you have many male friends who are not romantic involvements, i.e. more or less platonic? (I think true platonic inter-sex friendships are easier for women than men, at least, until and unless the woman realizes that the interest is more than platonic. ) This might help avoid getting too involved with real romanntic partners too fast. You will certainly see that most men are not worth it!
SincereOnlineGuy Posted December 25, 2014 Posted December 25, 2014 when i date someone, i always date only that person.. is that bad? No, it's not bad. For it is bound to be as productive as sending one employment resume out at a time, and only sending another elsewhere once that first possibility dies out. 2
Rydo Posted December 25, 2014 Posted December 25, 2014 It isn't right or wrong. There is no right or wrong answer to multi dating it's just whatever you feel comfortable with. But yes getting clingy and needy is not good and will scare a lot of guys away. 2
Teraskas Posted December 25, 2014 Posted December 25, 2014 I see myself always getting hurt when i'm dating because I get emotionally attached too easily and when i'm used to a certain routine (whether it be seeing them daily, talking to them daily) and as soon as that routine changes, I become very insecure and beat myself up wondering what i did wrong. I'm sick of feeling like this esp since it may be only a couple weeks into dating. I recently discovered im needy once I get attached- i do not want to be that girl for not his sake, but my sake as well. I personally cannot talk to a couple of guys at once because I feel like i'm playing with them.. or playing a game and almost like "cheating" even though I can do whatever the heck I want. With that said.. of course I would be disappointed if the person i was dating was talking to multiple other woman. But ppl seem to say that in order to not get attached.. talk to other guys and keep your options open but that to me is something i just personally cannot do. Any words of advice? Ironically, I'm like that as well. Difference being that I cannot talk to multiple women as a result of memory-issues. If I do start talking to multiple ones it's near impossible to remember what I told one about myself, yet didn't mention to others. :S
Rydo Posted December 25, 2014 Posted December 25, 2014 Ironically, I'm like that as well. Difference being that I cannot talk to multiple women as a result of memory-issues. If I do start talking to multiple ones it's near impossible to remember what I told one about myself, yet didn't mention to others. :S Try to stick to a similar conversation with them all. This is where texting is better since you can look back to what you have said and to whom. Possibly I take the multi dating a little too far
Teraskas Posted December 25, 2014 Posted December 25, 2014 Try to stick to a similar conversation with them all. This is where texting is better since you can look back to what you have said and to whom. Possibly I take the multi dating a little too far Exactly. Initially the conversation starts the same, but then variations start to show up and everything goes south, lol. xD
mysteryscape Posted December 25, 2014 Posted December 25, 2014 Try to stick to a similar conversation with them all. This is where texting is better since you can look back to what you have said and to whom. Possibly I take the multi dating a little too far Better yet, send the same text to all of your "multidates" at the same time. That way you will have no problems getting them mixed up. They'll appreciate your consideration in giving them all the same chance. 2
mysteryscape Posted December 25, 2014 Posted December 25, 2014 I knew someone way back in college. This was before there was any internet, you used the phone. She had four guys she was seeing. All of them were named Mike. When one of her roommates answered the phone, they would say "Mike is calling." She would shoot back "Which one?" Somehow, the Mike's eventually weren't too thrilled with this. Pretty soon, my friend had zero eggs in all her baskets. She had to start over. I think that was the end of her multidating. 1
Tayken Posted December 25, 2014 Posted December 25, 2014 I think women do it more than men...."to keep their options open". For the guy, it can be costly to be joggling all these girls at once, whilst all the female has to do is try and pretend she likes one of the guys in order to get a free dinner / movie out of it. Don't forget, they don't like going to the movie or dinner by themselves, and it will be odd to call on their girlfriends who have boyfriends because those are too busy banging their bfs
Rydo Posted December 25, 2014 Posted December 25, 2014 Better yet, send the same text to all of your "multidates" at the same time. That way you will have no problems getting them mixed up. They'll appreciate your consideration in giving them all the same chance. Yeh that's pretty much what I do tbh. But after the first txt you can't as it goes off on different tangents.
Rydo Posted December 25, 2014 Posted December 25, 2014 I think women do it more than men...."to keep their options open". For the guy, it can be costly to be joggling all these girls at once, whilst all the female has to do is try and pretend she likes one of the guys in order to get a free dinner / movie out of it. Don't forget, they don't like going to the movie or dinner by themselves, and it will be odd to call on their girlfriends who have boyfriends because those are too busy banging their bfs A rather simplified way of looking at it. I like to go out on dates, I don't need a women to pretend she likes me to take her out.
mysteryscape Posted December 25, 2014 Posted December 25, 2014 I like to go out on dates, I don't need a women to pretend she likes me to take her out. You like being a meal ticket? Or what do you get out of it?
Author Jay13094 Posted December 25, 2014 Author Posted December 25, 2014 i have many male friends, a lot that i consider good friends of mine. A lot of guys see me as being very chill and a bro to them. It just gets tricky when you and your partner are very exclusive yet there's no title and they can always pull that bull**** "but i'm not your bf" card that drives the hell out of me. Which to me seems unfair, but I guess i don't have the right to be mad...?
mysteryscape Posted December 25, 2014 Posted December 25, 2014 i have many male friends, a lot that i consider good friends of mine. A lot of guys see me as being very chill and a bro to them. It just gets tricky when you and your partner are very exclusive yet there's no title and they can always pull that bull**** "but i'm not your bf" card that drives the hell out of me. Which to me seems unfair, but I guess i don't have the right to be mad...? If you really have a lot of "bro" friends, maybe you should start talking to them about what makes guys tick, especially the ones who disappoint you. "very exclusive ... no title ... pull that bull .. not your bf" just sounds like you're giving it away much too easily and not for what you want -- "titles" don't matter much unless for a house or on a marriage certificate -- but you can do better than what you're getting.
Tayken Posted December 25, 2014 Posted December 25, 2014 You like being a meal ticket? Or what do you get out of it? Me me me...he gets to be in their company, and have their undivided attention.
Rydo Posted December 26, 2014 Posted December 26, 2014 You like being a meal ticket? Or what do you get out of it? I get a fun night out... I'm not sure there is supposed to be some kind of barter system in place for dates. If we go for dinner I would pay but I generally only go out for drinks for the first few dates which makes it nice and simple and also means they can buy the odd drink.
Rydo Posted December 26, 2014 Posted December 26, 2014 Me me me...he gets to be in their company, and have their undivided attention. Not really, I get to have a fun night out with company that's true. But I can get it for free with friends. It seems to be those who aren't very successful with woman that assume women just use people for nights out. This simply isn't the case.
Tayken Posted December 26, 2014 Posted December 26, 2014 Wrong....you have no idea how many women I have banged this year alone, and how many I have as FWBs. Again, I usually try and surround myself with strong / well educated / career / independent women, as opposed to high school diploma types looking for a daddy type person to look after them because they haven't been bothered to do anything with their lives Not really, I get to have a fun night out with company that's true. But I can get it for free with friends. It seems to be those who aren't very successful with woman that assume women just use people for nights out. This simply isn't the case.
Rydo Posted December 26, 2014 Posted December 26, 2014 Wrong....you have no idea how many women I have banged this year alone, and how many I have as FWBs. Again, I usually try and surround myself with strong / well educated / career / independent women, as opposed to high school diploma types looking for a daddy type person to look after them because they haven't been bothered to do anything with their lives I can sense your success. I always feel the need to defend my love life to strangers on the Internet too. I especially like your use of bang 1
spanishchick00 Posted December 26, 2014 Posted December 26, 2014 I'm the same way. I don't think its bad. I don't understand the word, "multi-dating." Wasn't it like that in the older days anyway? You go on one date-then you see each other on a regular basis-bam-you're officially a couple. If I start seeing someone, I invest too much time-then if I start talking to other guys-I just don't have the desire to talk to them-because I really like the other guy that I'm talking to. That's how I am. It just doesn't make sense-if a guy is keeping his options open, to me "keeping options open" means he's not that into me and waiting for the girl that will catch his eye and keep her.
Rydo Posted December 26, 2014 Posted December 26, 2014 (edited) People only multidate for the first few dates. Once you know you like someone it usually turns into the same kind of dating as everyone else. Edited December 26, 2014 by Rydo
mysteryscape Posted December 26, 2014 Posted December 26, 2014 I get a fun night out... I'm not sure there is supposed to be some kind of barter system in place for dates. If we go for dinner I would pay but I generally only go out for drinks for the first few dates which makes it nice and simple and also means they can buy the odd drink. So you don't care if they like you or even pretend -- it sounds like these "dates" are really just one-on-ones with female drinking pals -- is this correct? I'm really trying to understand what you get out of this and how you see it. Doesn't really sound like "dating" to me at all.
Haerts Posted December 26, 2014 Posted December 26, 2014 (edited) I didn't read the entire thread, but I'm like you. Whenever I'm getting to know one guy, I don't have any need to get to know another one meanwhile. That is because I only keep seeing guys that I have interest on. I do remember however that once I was seeing two guys, because both were interesting to me. Eventually I chose one, which was not really a good option afterall, but tbh the other one wouldn't be either at the end of the day. I always felt like I was doing something wrong though. Like I was using them and playing with them. I do have to admit that I don't stop myself from hooking up with other guys if I'm not in a serious relationship... even if I'm seeing someone. :x Anyway, I don't think it's bad or wrong. That's just how you're. It makes me really upset when I find out someone I'm going out with is seeing other girls too. And as far as I've seen these stories, people always end up with none. A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. Edited December 26, 2014 by Haerts
Rydo Posted December 26, 2014 Posted December 26, 2014 So you don't care if they like you or even pretend -- it sounds like these "dates" are really just one-on-ones with female drinking pals -- is this correct? I'm really trying to understand what you get out of this and how you see it. Doesn't really sound like "dating" to me at all. No, that's not correct. I get to spend time getting to know a new girl a couple times a week, figuring out if they are compatible etc. If that isn't dating I don't know what is.
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