Adales910 Posted December 25, 2014 Posted December 25, 2014 My girlfriend and I broke up on Sunday for the second time within the past two months and this time it feels ten times worse. I'm not really sure why. A little background about us. We met at our old place of work 7 months ago and started talking and dating all summer. I was the first girl she's ever been with and things got serious relatively quickly. I fell extremely hard for her but always had a hard time with the fact she was not out about us and had doubts she wasn't really into girls. Over the course of our relationship, I became more bothered with the fact that I felt like I was being hidden from everyone in her life. I understand not coming out to family but we are both 25 and I thought it was very strange I didn't meet her friends or hang out with them at all. I voiced this to her and she always said she didn't even have time to see them. The arguing and fighting increased once fall semester started (my first semester of graduate school) and her first semester of paramedic school. I also had gotten a new entry level job with better pay and started making an advancement in my career. As much as I loved her and tried to understand the position she was in, I had a hard time coping with it and felt it was unfair to me yet I still stuck around. Throughout her semester of medic school the fighting got worse and I found out she hid from everyone in her class that she was dating me and I thought it was completely disrespectful. The basis of many of our fights was about school and work and how she said she needs to focus on school and it's gonna be hard and this and that. Meanwhile. Here I am. Working a full time job and going full time at night to grad school yet I still made the time to see her and put everything I could into being with her. We broke up for good on Sunday and I really want to move on from this relationship as I feel it was toxic and at the same time emotionally abusive. I was comfortable in an uncomfortable situation. This is my first post on here and now I just seem to be blabbering but I'm hurting a lot now cause I do miss her but I know it's not what I deserve. I guess I'm just looking for advice on how to deal with this and if I should be going NC or blocking her number. And I also would like to know if I was wrong in expecting her to be more open about things with us? Thanks everyone
Zzyxx Posted December 25, 2014 Posted December 25, 2014 My girlfriend and I broke up on Sunday for the second time within the past two months and this time it feels ten times worse. I'm not really sure why. A little background about us. We met at our old place of work 7 months ago and started talking and dating all summer. I was the first girl she's ever been with and things got serious relatively quickly. I fell extremely hard for her but always had a hard time with the fact she was not out about us and had doubts she wasn't really into girls. Over the course of our relationship, I became more bothered with the fact that I felt like I was being hidden from everyone in her life. I understand not coming out to family but we are both 25 and I thought it was very strange I didn't meet her friends or hang out with them at all. I voiced this to her and she always said she didn't even have time to see them. The arguing and fighting increased once fall semester started (my first semester of graduate school) and her first semester of paramedic school. I also had gotten a new entry level job with better pay and started making an advancement in my career. As much as I loved her and tried to understand the position she was in, I had a hard time coping with it and felt it was unfair to me yet I still stuck around. Throughout her semester of medic school the fighting got worse and I found out she hid from everyone in her class that she was dating me and I thought it was completely disrespectful. The basis of many of our fights was about school and work and how she said she needs to focus on school and it's gonna be hard and this and that. Meanwhile. Here I am. Working a full time job and going full time at night to grad school yet I still made the time to see her and put everything I could into being with her. We broke up for good on Sunday and I really want to move on from this relationship as I feel it was toxic and at the same time emotionally abusive. I was comfortable in an uncomfortable situation. This is my first post on here and now I just seem to be blabbering but I'm hurting a lot now cause I do miss her but I know it's not what I deserve. I guess I'm just looking for advice on how to deal with this and if I should be going NC or blocking her number. And I also would like to know if I was wrong in expecting her to be more open about things with us? Thanks everyone Sorry you're going through it. It definitely sucks. I think the only realistic option you have is to cut ties, admit that it's over, and go NC. Here's why I think that... Not to sound condescending, but if you want to continue dating women in the future, I would say one of the most important things you should do, if this is of a concern to you, is to date women that are either out and open about being queer or bi-curious, or who you think wouldn't be freaked out about opening up if things were to get serious. It's one thing to have a fling with a bi-curious or experimenting woman, but if you know that what YOU want is a relationship with a woman, it will really only work if she's openly queer, or super enthused about going down the road of dating a woman. Being a gay woman in my late 20's and having come out super early and dating women for 14 years, I can say dating a closeted girl, or one that is internally homophobic or freaked out at the thought of people thinking she's queer will kill your relationship faster than anything else. Take some time getting over this one, which again, there's really no good original advice for other than going NC, work out, meet friends blah blah blah ect, and then just finding someone that is also cool with loving ladies in the future.
Author Adales910 Posted December 25, 2014 Author Posted December 25, 2014 Sorry you're going through it. It definitely sucks. I think the only realistic option you have is to cut ties, admit that it's over, and go NC. Here's why I think that... Not to sound condescending, but if you want to continue dating women in the future, I would say one of the most important things you should do, if this is of a concern to you, is to date women that are either out and open about being queer or bi-curious, or who you think wouldn't be freaked out about opening up if things were to get serious. It's one thing to have a fling with a bi-curious or experimenting woman, but if you know that what YOU want is a relationship with a woman, it will really only work if she's openly queer, or super enthused about going down the road of dating a woman. Being a gay woman in my late 20's and having come out super early and dating women for 14 years, I can say dating a closeted girl, or one that is internally homophobic or freaked out at the thought of people thinking she's queer will kill your relationship faster than anything else. Take some time getting over this one, which again, there's really no good original advice for other than going NC, work out, meet friends blah blah blah ect, and then just finding someone that is also cool with loving ladies in the future. I blocked her number tonight. I think I'm better off not knowing if she tries to contact me or not and just shutting it out all together. Just really sad and feel like I've lost myself. I never want to put myself in this situation again. Thank you got your kind words
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