Lovesick0203 Posted March 24, 2005 Posted March 24, 2005 I already posted my abbreviated story. Well heres the long format. I have been dating my girlfriend for about a year now and we have had our ups and downs. She went to Europe for 2 months last summer, and we made it, somehow. When she got back she moved away to go to grad school, and things were good. I would visit whenever I had some free time, and she would do the same. It was hard sometimes, but we made the best of it. Then around Thanksgiving she came back to visit me and her family for break, and it was wierd. I think I was a little jealous of the fact that she wanted to spend so much time with them and not me. It caused a fight, followed by her wanting a break. We got back together the next weekend. Then things went fine until Christmas. She was home again, and again, It was hard on the both of us. I have been staying in a job I don't like because I wanted the money, and the security that I thought she wanted. Unfortunately, this job was making me miserable and it was effecting my life with her. I told myself to hang in there, because I really needed the money to go visit her this summer shen she goes back to Europe again for 3 months. Well, she was just home for spring break again, and yep, once again, it was tough. This time she said it was over. I tried to tell her that this was going to get better, and that I was planning on quitting and moving there after Europe, but she said she didn't want me doing it for her. I have been in contact with her a few times, she tells me that she needs to find herself, and that I need to be happy for us to be happy. But again, she wants me to be happy on my own, without her. I feel sick about it, and she has stopped answering my emails. I know its because she thinks it makes things harder. I haven't slept in days, have not been eating, have been going out and getting drunk every night, and I have resigned from my job. I have started to do what she thinks I should do, but I want her to be there with me. I Know she's the one, and I will never forgive myself if its over. Do I keep fighting for her? Or do I move on and get over her? If so, how do I do it? This is killing me inside.
acidrein_08 Posted March 24, 2005 Posted March 24, 2005 Ok, my evaluation of all of this: 1.) At times you may be at fault but you can't possible be the one to blame for all or even most of the things that went wrong in the relationship. So first things first, stop blaming yourself. 2.) You do not deserve to be treated like she has treated you. 3.) You need to cut off contact immediately with this girl becuase right now she has complete control over you and it has made your situation worse. Do not rely on her, you are strong enough to get through this and you will. 4.) You should not continue fighting for her becuase it was her decision and it has to be her decision to also come back to you and fix things. This part is especially hard but do not sit and wait for her to come back, get out and have fun without her, not just to show her you are fine without her but to make yourself realize it! 5.) The thing that I know hurts you the most and will be the most hardest to accept is that this girl is not the one for you. Although you feel that she is it is impossible becuase 'the one' for you will feel the same for you as you do for them. In her case she obviously doesn't love you enough to stay in a relationship and you need to be able to live with that fact. 6.) There are plenty of people out there that you will meet once you start moving on, and let this relationship just serve as a building block for your next one. Get out and meet new people, hang out with old friends, stop sitting around and wondering the what if's and don't contact her anymore, it will hurt even more and you keep the power in her hands. Most of us on Loveshack have been in the same situations and we know exactly how you feel, me and my ex broke up 2 months ago and life hasn't been better than it is now. 7.) Keep your head up, things will improve you just have to take it day by day. God Bless!
supergirl7777 Posted March 24, 2005 Posted March 24, 2005 hey i know it can be hard when you go through a breakup especially when you are in love but the other person is no longer in love with you, you see i just went trough it a month ago. He didnt want me anymore he said he was confused and that he wasent in love with me, that hurt so much and until this day it still hurts, but i am building up the courage not to call him or see him. I let him go, because i just as you have dignity if that girl doesnt want you, honey you must move on, it will hurt but on the long run it's better for you as for her. If she comes back then it's up to you if you take her back. Remember you must keep busy keep mind of her, go out with your friends, go to the movies, look for a job, show her that you can depend on yourself not her. And just as acid said she might not be the girl for you, i'm pretty sure God has someone better for you out there. Latez!
Author Lovesick0203 Posted March 25, 2005 Author Posted March 25, 2005 thanks for the help. how long before i dont feel like damaged goods to other women? I was out last night and met some people that looked at me as if I was dying. I just want to find someone who makes me forget about her instead of making me mourn her.
acidrein_08 Posted March 25, 2005 Posted March 25, 2005 That is your problem lovesick0203, you shouldn't be out looking for someone else to make you happy, you have been single before and you can be happy all by yourself. You just have to realize that you are who you are and be proud of it and be happy and I promise someone out there will love you for who you are. Start smiling, get out and enjoy yourself, pick up a new hobby, work out with your friends, anything to get your mind off the past so you can start focusing on your future. Just keep taking it day by day, one day it will hit you that you are fine by yourself and it will bring a smile to your face.
Butterflye Posted March 26, 2005 Posted March 26, 2005 I agree with acidrein_08. You can't go from a relationship in which you thought she was 'the One' and then immediately start dating again. You need some time to heal. You will probably find that at this time when you really want someone, you won't even find anyone!..and even if you did, it wouldn't be fair on them as you would just be using them as a rebound and the likelihood of you wanting anythig proper with them would be slim and then you might find that you'll just end up hurting that innocent party too! You need to try and take some time out for you, try and think about yourself for a change instead of arranging your life around her. Equally, I agree that you definaltely need to not contact her for a while at least as this will only make it harder and keep you in greiving mode. If she cares for you in anyway she will contact you and hopefully by then you'll be strong enough to know what you REALLY want.
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