avidtraveller Posted December 24, 2014 Posted December 24, 2014 Please help me here. I’ll add some background in next thread ifallowed. Sorry is so long – 1st time and too much to pour out. Mywife and I were soul mates and in the 22yrs we had been together and loved eachothers company more than anyone else’s, travelled the world, and lived and workoverseas for 2 yrs. After 10 yrs of marriage we started our family. Howeverthat was the game changer for us. She left suddenly whilst I was away on abusiness trip and refused to tell me where she and the children were living. Thatresulted in a 3 yr court battle. She had no intention of court as mediationfirst is mandatory and can take over a year before a court hearing can beheard. However because of circumstances, the court granted exemption frommediation and held an urgent hearing within 5 weeks. My wife made grotesquelyfalse allegations against me including being addicted to child pornography, thechildren being at risk if left with me alone from violence and possible sexualabuse, and asked the court to ensure I was given only supervised access visits2 hrs a fortnight at a Govt Centre withthe children because of my violence to her emotionally, verbally, physically,sexually, and spiritually. Yet on the day of court, the Judge read theaffidavit material from both sides and demanded our barristers to try and get aresolution. My wife consented to me ultimately having the children live with mefor 2 consecutive nights a fortnight. That totally blew her heinous and wildallegations out the window. But she refused any more time beyond that exceptfor a mid week dinner access visit. After 3 more years in court and many wasted$ and child psychologist reviews etc it was ordered that my children spendshared equal time with me, something they both they & I wanted all along.Ie 50/50 care. At trial, my wife admitted to being reckless with the truth inher affidavit allegations against me. Despite all the hurt, I still love my exwife. We had 2 serious reconciliations during court (she admitted this went nowhere where she wanted it to go, had only hoped by leaving me and taking thechildren, I’d goto get help and change to who I was 20 yrs ago etc -all my fault of course) and she promised inconfidential mediation which cannot be used in court that she just wanted me tochange, and she only made the allegations in court so she wouldn’t lose thechildren. She wanted to talk about reconciling once court was over. She asked Iaccept the (by then 3 nights a fortnight) care I had with the kids, and endcourt so we could go back to counselling but not trusting her by then, Icontinued with court promising counselling once it was over and the children’sneeds were determined and settled 1st, in case things between usdidn’t ever work out. I did offer very fair compromises many times but sherefused to budge, saying she couldn’t hand over any more time to me and wouldneed a Judge to decide. My lawyers were astonished she would goto trial as shehad a very weak case and mine was very strong. Eg. She used court security toprotect her saying I was so violent she feared me at court appearances, yetduring the week at handovers, she would invite me inside her house for a cup oftea!! So naturally when the trial occurred she was in trouble. Crossexamination of me was brutal, but I remained honest and admitted my failings,but with her very soft cross examination accused DV victims cannot be badgered)she didn’t like some of the Judge’s questions and asked that he be removed from the case because he was being ‘biased’against her. A hearing was heard and dismissed outright. The trial continuedsome months later and the Judgement was very damming on her. Despite all thehurt she did to me, I still loved her and wanted to discuss reconciliationwhich she promised and had wanted too. However within the month she fileddivorce papers and has since then strung me an the children along saying shewill talk one day when she has time. Yet she told the children. She began falselytelling my children I had a girlfriend I was hiding. One never appeared asthere was never one, and just last month she has admitted there will be no talkof reconciling and that she has just repartnered. She said there has been justtoo much hurt over the court process that she couldn’t ever reconcile with meand needed to move on. So I know anyhope is gone and I’m shattered. So are my children who suddenly have to go fom,there is a chance (I know all kids wish this) to, here’s a man spending a lotof time with mum. It was too quick for them, and stupidly as I’m an adult, forme. Did she just talk reconciliation to trick me out of court? But why then didwe have 2 amazing short periods of reconciliation and physical love and deep talkof getting court over with and getting some proper counselling again? Was itall a ruse? Was I taken for a ride all along? [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT]
anika99 Posted December 25, 2014 Posted December 25, 2014 I'm sorry you have been hurt so terribly. Your wife sounds like a mentally disturbed individual, possibly personality disordered. Look up Narcissistic Personality disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder. Only a really disturbed person would make the false accusations she has made against you. Normal healthy people do not falsely accuse others of sexual and physical abuse. It was very sick of her to put you through that. She cannot be trusted. She will even use and lie to her own children to get what she wants. I don't believe she was ever serious about reconciling with you, I think it was all a ploy to manipulate you. She is a cruel self serving manipulator. Does it not upset you that she went to such lengths to destroy you? Do you think she could ever make those accusation against you if she had the least bit of love or respect for you? If I were you I would never let yourself be alone with her and I would document every interaction, phone call, text messaging or email exchange I had with her. You need to protect yourself from this evil woman. I know you think you still love her and want her but she sounds positively unlovable. I think you need to get yourself to counselling to help you grieve the person you thought she was to heal yourself from her abusive attacks. Once you become emotionally healthier I don't believe you are ever going to want her back again. You will be glad to be rid of her ugly drama. Good for you for fighting for your kids! You should be proud of that as some men may have just given up. Now be a good dad and let that nasty woman move onto her new victim..Ooops, I mean boyfriend.
kenmore Posted December 25, 2014 Posted December 25, 2014 Wow, anika99 couldn't have said it any better. All I can do is sympathize with you. I don't know psychology, but I do know love. I understand how you feel and why you don't want to give up. I never will!! and I told my wife that (I think that made her think the breakup is more difficult than it should be, and GOOD!!!) Legally, of course I can't give legal advice, but I do think if she misrepresented you, you need a good lawyer!!! The damage is done and YOU need to clean it if you can. Let me tell you about a personal thing without going into it... I have a personal thing that screws with me forever. Trust me, you will FOREVER!!! have ANYTHING like this against you for the rest of your life! Are you ready for that? I didn't think so. YOU FIX IT and MAKE IT RIGHT!!! Trust me, don't screw with this. If she makes allegations about you that are false, don't sit on that, YOU will SUFFER ALL OF YOUR LIFE!!! Sorry, I have been drinking, it's frigginChristmas eve, and I'm alone, but even though...you talk to a LAWYER because you are truly screwed if you don't. Best of luck! Ken
Author avidtraveller Posted December 25, 2014 Author Posted December 25, 2014 Thankyou so much! I actually wondered that, and agree, next victim. But I had 18 of 22 wonderful yrs together - hurts to think they'll have 18 or so before she turns on him ahhhhh. I'm sorry you have been hurt so terribly. Your wife sounds like a mentally disturbed individual, possibly personality disordered. Look up Narcissistic Personality disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder. Only a really disturbed person would make the false accusations she has made against you. Normal healthy people do not falsely accuse others of sexual and physical abuse. It was very sick of her to put you through that. She cannot be trusted. She will even use and lie to her own children to get what she wants. I don't believe she was ever serious about reconciling with you, I think it was all a ploy to manipulate you. She is a cruel self serving manipulator. Does it not upset you that she went to such lengths to destroy you? Do you think she could ever make those accusation against you if she had the least bit of love or respect for you? If I were you I would never let yourself be alone with her and I would document every interaction, phone call, text messaging or email exchange I had with her. You need to protect yourself from this evil woman. I know you think you still love her and want her but she sounds positively unlovable. I think you need to get yourself to counselling to help you grieve the person you thought she was to heal yourself from her abusive attacks. Once you become emotionally healthier I don't believe you are ever going to want her back again. You will be glad to be rid of her ugly drama. Good for you for fighting for your kids! You should be proud of that as some men may have just given up. Now be a good dad and let that nasty woman move onto her new victim..Ooops, I mean boyfriend.
Author avidtraveller Posted December 25, 2014 Author Posted December 25, 2014 Thanks mate and I feel for you too. Being alone sux. Hang in there. Luckily from day 2 I got police and legal advice, good a good lawyer, paid through the nose but ended up in her making an apology in curt (with my elderly mother present) for the hurt she caused me by making reckless allegations. And the community, school etc all realised with equal care given to me, her stories must not have been true!! However, she wlaks from court, without so much a slap on the wrist (family law in Australia doesn't allow defamantion charges, so you can say what you ant, and costs are vey hard to get if your assets were low which ours were!). Anyhow, yep, good lawyers helped me get what I wanted the most, my children. I got EVERYTHING I asked for, except, how is losing yor children 50% of the time a win??? But I feel so sad the dads who gte far less than that. Equality in todays society? for one gender yes, the other? No! Wow, anika99 couldn't have said it any better. All I can do is sympathize with you. I don't know psychology, but I do know love. I understand how you feel and why you don't want to give up. I never will!! and I told my wife that (I think that made her think the breakup is more difficult than it should be, and GOOD!!!) Legally, of course I can't give legal advice, but I do think if she misrepresented you, you need a good lawyer!!! The damage is done and YOU need to clean it if you can. Let me tell you about a personal thing without going into it... I have a personal thing that screws with me forever. Trust me, you will FOREVER!!! have ANYTHING like this against you for the rest of your life! Are you ready for that? I didn't think so. YOU FIX IT and MAKE IT RIGHT!!! Trust me, don't screw with this. If she makes allegations about you that are false, don't sit on that, YOU will SUFFER ALL OF YOUR LIFE!!! Sorry, I have been drinking, it's frigginChristmas eve, and I'm alone, but even though...you talk to a LAWYER because you are truly screwed if you don't. Best of luck! Ken
Recommended Posts