is he stay in touch with me just as a task or is he genuinely interested.

[alwayswannanap]

I've been seeing this guy for like a month now. We met online. We went out to a bar on the first date. We both got a little tipsy and went to a show afterwards. Half way through the show, he got closer and closer and we just started making out. I was a little tipsy and the dark environment also made it feel more comfortable. He drove me home and we made out again in the car. Honestly, I didn't really have high expectations after the first date. but the physical chemistry was surprisingly good. I don't think that I've been this physically compatible with someone from so early on. Anyways, I also really admire his values and his thoughts on a lot of different issues.

 

Two weeks later, we saw each other again for a casual dinner. The conversation went very well. We ended up having an intellectual conversation. We made out again before I headed home. He started contacting me pretty much every day since that date.

 

It was close to final weeks, so he'd check on me before exams. He once offered to bring me food since he was in the area. I told him to stop by and say hi. we ended up getting physical in my room; and I stopped him before he was advancing towards sex. I straight up told him that I get emotionally attached from sex and I don't want to get hurt. I asked him what he was looking for - I basically said that it is too early on to say anything definitive; but I know that I don't want to get involved with anyone who's looking for anything purely physical. He said that he obviously would want a long-term friendship/companionship if it is possible. After the conversation, he just kept me company for a while when I was studying.

 

We saw each other the following weekend for a movie; there wasn't that much talking. just a lot of affectionate cuddling and kissing on the forehead. But he's not been in very frequent touch as he used to be since the movie date. I'd still hear from him one way or another pretty much every day. but the conversation's always been minimal and it was taking him a lot longer to respond. I just assumed that he was busy and I was gonna just wait it out.

 

He asked to see me before he left for the break; I was only free the night before he was gonna head out. I ended up sleeping with him. It just felt right - I felt like I was ready to make myself a little more vulnerable. neither am I a fan of testing a guy by holding back sex. We cuddled and talked a bit before he headed out. since he had a long day of driving ahead - so I didn't really mind that he needed to leave.

 

Since he left for the break, he's been sending me snapchats pretty frequently to keep me posted on what's happening to him. I still can't help but wonder if he is just in for a short-term fling. I actually genuinely like this guy a lot - so I'm a little overly cautious in any move that I make. Unlike before, when a guy was interested in a long-term thing with me, communication felt a lot easier/natural. With this guy, I have to worry about not bothering him too much since he doesn't act like he's into texting. I don't know if he's just not that much into me or if I'm just overthinking. I always assume that if a person truly likes you, he'd want to talk to you and hear from you. The kind of communication that I get from him feels more like he's checking things off list to make sure that he's doing the right thing. I don't know. let me know what you think? Thank you!

Edited December 24, 2014 by alwayswannanap

[losangelena]

I'm curious to know why you slept with him a week after you said you didn't want to sleep with him and possibly get hurt? To me that sounds like you're shooting yourself in the foot a little bit. Did you genuinely feel OK about it or did you do so in order to hopefully foster something genuine between the two of you?

 

The fact that he told you he'd want friendship/companionship "if it's possible" is a bit of a red flag. My guess is that a man who was truly looking for a relationship would not say that. His behavior after your conversation backs that up. If he knew you weren't going to have sex without a commitment, then backing away seems obvious.

 

Sex was a pretty bad way to try and secure a relationship; it's unwise to assume that the sex itself will ever lead to anything more substantial. I always tell myself that if I ever jump into bed with someone I'm dating, it's for that night only, and to be ready if they walk the next day. It doesn't always happen, but sometimes it does.

 

I would not hold out a lot of hope that something substantial will materialize with this one.

[d0nnivain]

You are overthinking it. If he's keeping in touch during break, he's interested. If he wasn't you would be out of sight out of mind & he'd only try to get back with you once school resumed.

 

 

Be happy. He likes you.

[Satu]

In this case, I think that going to bed with him was a mistake, as both of you had asked for something else.

[alwayswannanap]

I'm curious to know why you slept with him a week after you said you didn't want to sleep with him and possibly get hurt? To me that sounds like you're shooting yourself in the foot a little bit. Did you genuinely feel OK about it or did you do so in order to hopefully foster something genuine between the two of you?

 

The fact that he told you he'd want friendship/companionship "if it's possible" is a bit of a red flag. My guess is that a man who was truly looking for a relationship would not say that. His behavior after your conversation backs that up. If he knew you weren't going to have sex without a commitment, then backing away seems obvious.

 

Sex was a pretty bad way to try and secure a relationship; it's unwise to assume that the sex itself will ever lead to anything more substantial. I always tell myself that if I ever jump into bed with someone I'm dating, it's for that night only, and to be ready if they walk the next day. It doesn't always happen, but sometimes it does.

 

I would not hold out a lot of hope that something substantial will materialize with this one.

 

Hey - I really appreciate your reply. It's nice to have someone who's willing to share with you their genuine opinions.

 

I didn't want to sleep him at the very beginning because I recently had a bad experience with a disrespectful guy; and that made me realize how inconsiderately hurtful a person can be towards another person in a relationship. Whereas before that, I've always assumed that guys can go for sex only; but they'd have the basic respect for you as a person and be willing to be considerate of your feelings, like basic human empathy. So I'd normally just go with the flow and see where things go. It hit me however during that one week that I shouldn't let my experience with one guy affect my perception of other guys. It is a little irrational and counterproductive. just as every once a while we make friends with someone who turns out to be a bad friend; but we still go on to make new friends without reservation. I think the same thing should apply for dating, which is why I decided to sleep with him. Because I was sexually attracted to him and the sex was a lot fun.

 

anyways- I hope I'm making sense. I'd appreciate it if you could let me know your thoughts, if you think the way I'm thinking is a little immature/naive. I'm always grateful for inputs.

Edited December 24, 2014 by alwayswannanap

[alwayswannanap]

You are overthinking it. If he's keeping in touch during break, he's interested. If he wasn't you would be out of sight out of mind & he'd only try to get back with you once school resumed.

 

 

Be happy. He likes you.

 

haha yea. I'm guilty of overthinking all the time.

Edited December 24, 2014 by alwayswannanap

[losangelena]

Hey - I really appreciate your reply. It's nice to have someone who's willing to share with you their genuine opinions.

 

I didn't want to sleep him at the very beginning because I recently had a bad experience with a disrespectful guy; and that made me realize how inconsiderately hurtful a person can be towards another person in a relationship. Whereas before that, I've always assumed that guys can go for sex only; but they'd have the basic respect for you as a person and be willing to be considerate of your feelings, like basic human empathy. So I'd normally just go with the flow and see where things go. It hit me however during that one week that I shouldn't let my experience with one guy affect my perception of other guys. It is a little irrational and counterproductive. just as every once a while we make friends with someone who turns out to be a bad friend; but we still go on to make new friends without reservation. I think the same thing should apply for dating, which is why I decided to sleep with him. Because I was sexually attracted to him and the sex was a lot fun.

 

anyways- I hope I'm making sense. I'd appreciate it if you could let me know your thoughts, if you think the way I'm thinking is a little immature/naive. I'm always grateful for inputs.

 

I get that. I don't think it's wise to weigh every potential partner against the bad experiences of former ones. If you wanted to have sex, then great!

 

My point was that I hope you did not have sex with him in the hopes of it turning into anything more serious. I'm wondering if you're wondering the same thing, 'cause here you are, posting to LS, wondering about what his intentions are and feeling insecure and cautious. I get it, I'd be doing the exact same thing in your shoes; I'm a chronic over-thinker as well.

 

All I'm saying is that if you have a hard time remaining unattached after having sex, and this guy has yet to prove his intent (sex vs. relationship), it may have behooved you to wait a bit on the sex angle and suss him out a bit more. You say you're afraid of getting hurt, but then you did the one thing that could go and get you hurt. Do you see what I'm saying? It's neither right or wrong, it's just that you've taken a risk, so I feel you should be prepared, should the worst case scenario play out.

 

Maybe d0nnivain is right and he is truly into you. I hope he is and time will tell.