Ouchouchouch Posted November 26, 2014 Posted November 26, 2014 (edited) So, for a brief history, me and my ex were together for 4 years. He was both the best and worst thing that has ever happened to my life. I would have stayed with him until the end of my life and would have worked through anything to make it work. The relationship was something that I perceived to be greater than myself. We were each other's first loves and first real relationship. It was intense and it was so strong. Over the last year, we have been in an LDR. He broke up with me a year ago and I moved away. We got back together, and everything was going really well. We saw each other a number of times over the past year. I flew him here a few times and I visited him a few times. Back in May, I saw him for his graduation and everything was perfect. He told his roommate that he wanted to marry me. I felt so close to him. The LDR was going to be temporary as it was my intent to move back up for more schooling. I flew him here in september and due to some health issues, I felt reserved and vulnerable and our connection was not as it should have been. In the month to follow, he pretended that all was well. Though, he began to distance himself from me. I then confronted him about this and he dropped it on me. That he loved me, but was no longer in love with me. When he came to visit, as a result of the health circumstances, our sex life suffered. We only had sex twice the entire weekend and we didn't have the spark. But, it was because what I was going through, it was bad timing. I didn't engage him the way I should have during the visit. I don't understand how things can change so quickly. The last time I saw him he wanted to marry me, and now one bad visit was enough for him to drop me? It has now been a month, I have not contacted him at all. During the process of the break up, I wrote a long winded letter telling him that I accepted the breakup. I urged him to be free and happy. But I suggested we consider this a break rather than a goodbye forever. He responded by closing the door and saying that though he still loves me so much, he's saying goodbye because he doesn't want to do more damage to both of us in the long run. During our skype breakup, he ended it by saying "i love you" i did not respond. I simply said goodnight. Now its been over a month. I deleted my facebook and have been trying to focus on myself. But it hurts so bad. I know that I can't force him to feel for me another way. But, I want this to work so bad. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and I don't know if I should try and initiate some sort of contact. What do you guys think? I have no problem waiting another month till maybe Christmas, but i literally can't get him off my mind. Does it get easier? I am so depressed without him. Thoughts? Edited December 24, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs and merged threads and updated title
Mi7522 Posted November 26, 2014 Posted November 26, 2014 Yes it does get easier and if you can hold out until Christmas with NC I promise you will feel much better about yourself and how you want to proceed if it all. Stay strong! Things will get much better for yourself 1
me85 Posted November 26, 2014 Posted November 26, 2014 Yes it does get easier and if you can hold out until Christmas with NC I promise you will feel much better about yourself and how you want to proceed if it all. Stay strong! Things will get much better for yourself I second this. Good luck! I know it's hard but you'll get through it! Stay NC. 1
Author Ouchouchouch Posted December 24, 2014 Author Posted December 24, 2014 he broke up with me two months ago basically saying he loves me so much but isn't in love with me. We dated for four years, some of it being in an ldr. This last bit was an ldr, every time we would see each other it was amazing. Though, our last visit was off because I had some health issues. He said he didn't feel the same way during our last visit, despit wanting to marry me in the visit before....he was crying when he broke up with me...anyways I sent a letter spilling my heart, telling him the distance isn't fair and to take time for himself but expressing that I hoped someday we could revisit things, he responded by shutting the door I left open and saying goodbye....4 days later he wished me a happy birthday to which I did not respond. It's now been two months of strict N/C I haven't heard anything accept the happy birthday wish that I ignored. Should I wish him a merry Christmas? He loves the holidays...I'm not married to receiving a response, but I do miss him and would like to talk to him even if it's not to get back together. He is extremely stubborn, I just don't even know if he misses me :/
LostInLosingLove Posted December 24, 2014 Posted December 24, 2014 he responded by shutting the door I left open and saying goodbye....I haven't heard anything accept the happy birthday wish that I ignored. It's hard to decipher from all the back and forth with what you wrote. In the end though these messages were what he left you with. I doubt anything drastic has changed from his side. I'm not married to receiving a response, but I do miss him and would like to talk to him even if it's not to get back together. He is extremely stubborn, I just don't even know if he misses me :/ You don't need his validation. I personally think it will set you back. If you must, just be prepared for disappointment. If he doesn't respond, what will that mean? If he does and nothings changed, where will that leave you? 1
Ieris Posted December 24, 2014 Posted December 24, 2014 I wouldn't send anything as you are still emotionally invested, it would be like picking at an old wound, why not just let it heal? Lots of people use Birthdays/Christmas/New Years as an excuse to contact their exes. I'd rather leave the past in the past. Focus on having a good time yourself rather than stressing yourself out over a message which doesn't even mean much to them. 1
FancyFace Posted December 24, 2014 Posted December 24, 2014 As much as you may miss him, I think it is a terrible idea to contact him in any shape or form. Christmas is just that, another day which will pass and then the next day will roll around and you will still have the same pain and might have actually gone backwards in your progress. 1
dumbass2 Posted December 24, 2014 Posted December 24, 2014 Do not send any Christmas message. He wished you a Happy Birthday and you ignored him on that. You have to stick to NC. He has made it clear that he does not want to be with you any more and you can't try to stay in his life. Write out your Christmas card to him if you feel you need to and let a close friend know that you are sending it to them or write it out then throw it away, but absolutely do not send it to him. 2
BC1980 Posted December 24, 2014 Posted December 24, 2014 There's no need to text an ex "Merry Christmas." I don't even text that to my friends to be honest. "Merry Christmas" to an ex is a text that is fishing for a reply. No one here needs to use a holiday as a half baked attempt to contact someone. Besides, how weird would it look since you ignored his birthday message? 2
Author Ouchouchouch Posted December 24, 2014 Author Posted December 24, 2014 You're totally right, thank you. his bday message was like 3 or 4 days after he broke up with me. It felt more like a sympathy message, hence why I ignored it. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted December 24, 2014 Posted December 24, 2014 No, do not contact him for Christmas. It will only push your progress back and ignite old pain. He was clear that he saw the break-up as the end of this chapter, and doesn't feel the same way you do. I know it's very difficult, particularly around the holidays, but I don't see what good can come of this. Stay NC and continue moving forward with your new chapter. 2
Chin Up Posted December 24, 2014 Posted December 24, 2014 Quite a few people around here have thrown NC to the wind in the past few days. I was loling pretty good at some of the excuses to do so: -I saw his friend at the mall (that one would be mine LOL) -Their cat misses them -Hungover I can honestly say I was fishing for a reaction. I was curious as to how he would respond to me after having nc for a month but I was also curious as to how he was. Nothing came of it. He wished me a Merry Christmas and New Year back, but that was the extent of it lol. Still have no idea how he's doing because it didn't turn into a conversation, but that's ok and for the best. Looking back, I can see how transparent it was lol. In fact, he even made a joke of it in his reply which went over my head at the time. "Cool, I saw him last night when we hung out at a party" ... LOL? So far everyone has advised against it, and the people that did it anyways weren't any better off for it. After 2 months nc, he might just find it weird. 1
Satu Posted December 24, 2014 Posted December 24, 2014 There is absolutely no point in contacting him. Let it go. Think about having a relationship with someone who is actually physically there. Then you could go to the cinema, concerts, have a lazy day in bed, or just be spontaneous and do whatever you like. I'm not saying you should rush into that, but it's something good to aim for. Stay NC and think about how much better your life can be.
Zahara Posted December 24, 2014 Posted December 24, 2014 -Their cat misses them I remember this one. I laughed too because it was clearly a silly excuse to break NC. OP, you need to let it go. Regardless of whether he loves the holidays, that little tidbit doesn't justify the painful aftermath of breaking NC. Instead of focusing on his feelings, focus on yours and protect it. He's going to enjoy his holidays and will survive it without a wish from you. Stop magnifying it in your head. I hate to be harsh but you're grasping at straws because you only want to do this because you can't stand the silence and the pain and you want so badly to remind him of your existence. It's over. It's done. Feel the pain and push forward. Breaking NC will kick you further back into that dark corner you're currently struggling to get out from. It's not worth it. It's his responsibility to win you back if there is ever a chance of reconciliation. Your responsibility is self-preservation. 4
mangetout Posted December 24, 2014 Posted December 24, 2014 I feel for you. I really do. My ex sent me a christmas card and I didn't text him to thank him. I am now wondering whether he will wish me a merry christmas tomorrow...and if he did..do I text back? The answer is NO! Don't text him. He ended it so don't accept scraps! Be strong and start focusing on yourself.you will pull through this. I certainly am getting stronger by the day and I never never thought this was possible. NC Is definitely the best way to cut that addiction you have with a person. He is toxic for you so focus on letting it go. Start loving yourself 1
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