confused_1234 Posted December 24, 2014 Posted December 24, 2014 Hi everyone, So I had been seeing this guy for about a month. We talked everyday, through text and he called me.daily. On our third date, we agreed to meet at his place real quick and then go to the movies (he lives 2hrs away). So I was sitting next to him on the couch, watching some tv, it was kind of random when he suddenly starts making out with me and we got a lil touchy feely. I was fine with a little physical action though I didnt want sex, I like tp build things up. So I told him, Im not comfortable yet sleeping with you. He responds by laughing at me and saying 'that doesnt make sense' 'were already doing foreplay stuff so you might as well finish it now'. I again said no, he then asked 'well when will you ne ready' I said i dont know, just not right now. He laughed again and told me that i didnt make sense, because 'whats the difference' 'youre doing this on purpose' we argued back and forth until he eventually said well i cant force you, so... if youre not going to finish it then we might as well just stop. So we stopped making out. I felt uncomfortable and like I was being mocked somehow b/c of his attitude? Anyway Ive never had this happen to me before so the rest of the date just felt awkward cause I didnt expect him to be a jerk about it and it made me.question his motives. He tried to be cute with me at the end of the date but I was somewhat stand-offish at this point. Havent talked to him in a couple of days since, idk what to think. Am I out of line here? Is he expecting me to contact him first because I was being standoff-ish during the date? Its weird to not have any comtact when before we literally talked everyday for hours over the phone. My friends think hes a jerk and that I should let this one go. He also talks about his friends being pussies, because they dont go out without their gfs permissiom, and how men should not act like that they should be in control of the relationship. He talks about what relationships should look like a lot in general, even before we met. What do you guys think? Also, first time posting here
toscaroscura Posted December 24, 2014 Posted December 24, 2014 I agree with your friends 100%. This guy is a jerk. If you pursue a relationship with him, you're going to get a boyfriend who -is pushy about sex and will passive-aggressively punish you for not putting out on his schedule -won't give you any affection unless it always leads to sex -doesn't believe in give-and-take in relationships, it's his way or the highway (otherwise he'd be a "pussy"! the horrors!) Forget this guy. 7
Brooke02 Posted December 24, 2014 Posted December 24, 2014 Dont go to a mans house if your not ready for sex.. 1
toscaroscura Posted December 24, 2014 Posted December 24, 2014 Dont go to a mans house if your not ready for sex.. In this particular instance, they were just meeting there quickly before a movie. Even if they weren't, he still sounds like a jerk that doesn't give a rat's a$$ about her. He's only concerned with getting his. Sure, maybe he would be disappointed, but if he were really serious about the OP and cared for her, he wouldn't go the passive aggressive route, nor would he mock her and be pushy like that. 1
Zahara Posted December 24, 2014 Posted December 24, 2014 The guy wants sex from you. That's as far as it goes. It's pretty straightforward. 1
GemmaUK Posted December 24, 2014 Posted December 24, 2014 Sounds like he was hoping to get laid and that he wouldn't have to go to the movie. He is a jerk. 15 minutes before me and my last ex were due to go and meet a good friend of mine my bf suggested we have sex. He very rarely initiated sex and it was obvious to me he didn't want to meet my friend. We went. My bf sulked the whole time. 1
losangelena Posted December 24, 2014 Posted December 24, 2014 Kick him to the curb. No good man pushes for sex. 2
seekingpeaceinlove Posted December 24, 2014 Posted December 24, 2014 You told him you weren't ready to have sex. He responded by "laughing" and making you feel bad Yes, the guy is a jerk. 4
Author confused_1234 Posted December 24, 2014 Author Posted December 24, 2014 Thanks for the replies! I have the tendency to blame myself for things, instead of just accepting that some people are just jerks. So I wondered whether I should've said something about it to him, like have a discussion about his behavior or something. But if I habe to argue over stuff like this, there's just no point. I feel better for not contacting him now. Thanks guys 4
Redhead14 Posted December 26, 2014 Posted December 26, 2014 Hi everyone, So I had been seeing this guy for about a month. We talked everyday, through text and he called me.daily. On our third date, we agreed to meet at his place real quick and then go to the movies (he lives 2hrs away). So I was sitting next to him on the couch, watching some tv, it was kind of random when he suddenly starts making out with me and we got a lil touchy feely. I was fine with a little physical action though I didnt want sex, I like tp build things up. So I told him, Im not comfortable yet sleeping with you. He responds by laughing at me and saying 'that doesnt make sense' 'were already doing foreplay stuff so you might as well finish it now'. I again said no, he then asked 'well when will you ne ready' I said i dont know, just not right now. He laughed again and told me that i didnt make sense, because 'whats the difference' 'youre doing this on purpose' we argued back and forth until he eventually said well i cant force you, so... if youre not going to finish it then we might as well just stop. So we stopped making out. I felt uncomfortable and like I was being mocked somehow b/c of his attitude? Anyway Ive never had this happen to me before so the rest of the date just felt awkward cause I didnt expect him to be a jerk about it and it made me.question his motives. He tried to be cute with me at the end of the date but I was somewhat stand-offish at this point. Havent talked to him in a couple of days since, idk what to think. Am I out of line here? Is he expecting me to contact him first because I was being standoff-ish during the date? Its weird to not have any comtact when before we literally talked everyday for hours over the phone. My friends think hes a jerk and that I should let this one go. He also talks about his friends being pussies, because they dont go out without their gfs permissiom, and how men should not act like that they should be in control of the relationship. He talks about what relationships should look like a lot in general, even before we met. What do you guys think? Also, first time posting here I would not meet a man at his home on the third date, unless I knew we would be leaving almost immediately. It appears you were there for some time before the movie would start. The trick is to not put yourself in a position where becoming physical could/would happen. Next time, you say you will meet them at the theater. This man pushed you for going to sex. If he truly respected you, he would have simply dropped it as soon as you said you didn't want to go there. I would drop this one too.
Grego Posted December 26, 2014 Posted December 26, 2014 She meets an obvious jerk and then blames herself for overreacting. I've seen it happen so often.
TigerCub Posted December 27, 2014 Posted December 27, 2014 Thanks for the replies! I have the tendency to blame myself for things, instead of just accepting that some people are just jerks. So I wondered whether I should've said something about it to him, like have a discussion about his behavior or something. But if I habe to argue over stuff like this, there's just no point. I feel better for not contacting him now. Thanks guys Don't blame yourself for this one. And on top of that, be very proud of yourself for sticking to your guns. There are plenty of young ladies out there that would have given in (after his mocking laughter) because they wouldn't want to "look bad" in his eyes or feel guilty. I'm proud of you for not letting him guilt you into doing something you don't want to do. Don't contact him, and if he tries to contact you - don't answer. No explanations needed, no discussion necessary. He's an ********* and not worth your time. Better luck with the next one. 1
Leigh 87 Posted December 27, 2014 Posted December 27, 2014 The guy wants sex from you. That's as far as it goes. It's pretty straightforward. If he was interested in more than just sex he would have been more than happy to get to know you. His comments show that he doesn't care about your feelings - if he met a girl he really cared for he wouldn't have made such crass remarks. 1
Country_Girl Posted December 27, 2014 Posted December 27, 2014 Oh Honey, I'm sorry this happened to you, he is a jerk. You sound young, I'm not sure how old you are, but even older guys can be dip****s like this. I'm 32 and still remember this horrible first and last date I went on over 2 and a half years ago. Went on a double date w/ my best friend, her husband, and his friend. We went I a concert then a bar and had all been drinking. Since my friend lives an hour away I had prior arrangements to stay at her house and we were going to go shopping in the morning. Well my date got wasted and had to stay at my friends house. I slept on a separate couch but at some point he weaseled his way over. I was cool with making out and when he tried to take it further and I declined, he pulled similar lines. Even held me down at one point and said he could 'make me'. When it was clear I wasn't going further he berated me for 2 hours, tried everything- calling me a tease and also trying to pull the guilt card saying 'obviously I didn't find him attractive if I wouldn't sleep with him'. Up until that point I was really attracted to him physically, but he killed any and all attraction instantly. Listen, you didn't do anything wrong. You did something right. If you don't hear from him, count your lucky stars...because had you slept with him, he probably wouldn't have called anyway, and you'd feel even worse. Don't talk to him again. As other posters stated, don't answer any calls or texts from him. He blew it and showed his true colors.
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