lifeofdavid09 Posted December 24, 2014 Posted December 24, 2014 Hi, My GF was aguring with a friend about an issue and she was wrong based on what she told me. She was telling the issue and i told her she was wrong based on what she told me; She got very upset that i was supporting her friend on the issue. My issue - Should i have just told her that she was right when she was wrong ? Is there a better way or time to tell her she was wrong?
toscaroscura Posted December 24, 2014 Posted December 24, 2014 One thing I have learned in my relationships (and with age) is, it isn't about who is right or wrong. As GF and BF, you need to have each other's backs. Offer her an ear, but there's really no reason to point out that she's wrong and that you support her friend. If she is indeed wrong, she'll have to learn that on her own, and really, it's between her and her friend to suss out. I admit I am biased. My marriage fell apart and one of the major issues on my end was that he never had my back, and was far more concerned about who was right or wrong. Over time, this kind of attitude can make a person feel cornered, ganged-up on and unsupported. And before anyone asks, I always had his back, no matter what. I didn't care if he was technically Right, he was my husband and we stand together. Learn from our mistakes!
Author lifeofdavid09 Posted December 24, 2014 Author Posted December 24, 2014 @toscaroscura You made a very clear point and its true. But are you impling that i shouldn't correct her if i find her aurgement to be wrong or unrelated ? If So what is the line between supporting her and telling her when she is wrong ?
toscaroscura Posted December 24, 2014 Posted December 24, 2014 @toscaroscura You made a very clear point and its true. But are you impling that i shouldn't correct her if i find her aurgement to be wrong or unrelated ? If So what is the line between supporting her and telling her when she is wrong ? Well, without knowing the specifics of the argument it's hard to say. I'm assuming this is an interpersonal quarrel? And not a debate on things that are facts? Like she's not arguing that the sun revolves around the Earth or anything? Interpersonal quarrels are subjective and based in emotions. Maybe she's telling you about their fight and you think she's acting immature. But emotions are high and she's upset and just needs to vent to you. Just listen, and keep your comments to how she's feeling ("gee babe, that sucks that you guys are fighting, sorry you feel so crappy now, etc"). If she asks for your opinion just say that you trust them to work it out and you'll be there to comfort her if she's upset. Odds are, after some time she will cool down and have time to think on it, and she may even realize she's being unreasonable. But that is not your job to point out! That's between her and her friend. 1
Assada Posted December 24, 2014 Posted December 24, 2014 you did the right thing man. She might be angry now, but she'll valube your opinion later
spiderowl Posted December 25, 2014 Posted December 25, 2014 Difficult situation and it depends on the issue too. If you think your girlfriend is totally wrong, what does it mean? Has she done the wrong thing? Is she just unaware of the facts of the matter? Has she behaved in a way you disapprove of? There are several different ways she could be wrong in an argument. If what she said was just incorrect, then the best thing would be to listen to her and sympathise with her frustration with the other party, then gently and tactfully draw a few alternative views to her attention. The idea being that she is learning that her view was only one of several and that you are not attacking her for being wrong. I don't think agreeing with her is the way forward if it's something you honestly couldn't agree with.
Author lifeofdavid09 Posted December 30, 2014 Author Posted December 30, 2014 If what she said was just incorrect, then the best thing would be to listen to her and sympathise with her frustration with the other party, then gently and tactfully draw a few alternative views to her attention. The idea being that she is learning that her view was only one of several and that you are not attacking her for being wrong. I don't think agreeing with her is the way forward if it's something you honestly couldn't agree with. @spiderowl .... I have taken initiatives on ensuring a stable method of communicating to her without she thinking i am attacking her.
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