Eddie007 Posted December 24, 2014 Posted December 24, 2014 Met a girl online. We texted for about a week and decided to meet for a first date. She texted me a few days before and said she could not find a sitter for the date and would either need to bring her or reschedule. I told her I didn't mind her bringing the child along if she felt comfortable. I met her and her daughter for dinner and we had a good time. After dinner she suggested maybe we could take a walk and chat. We were at a mall so we walked around for about an hour and went into a few stores. After that we got a coffee and chatted a bit more. Eventually I walked her and the little girl back to her car. She gave me a hug and suggested we do it again and told me her days off. When I got home she texted and said she had a good time and confirmed she would like to see me again. I said maybe Thursday which was her next day off. She was busy that day with cleaning and Christmas stuff so she suggested Sunday and I agreed. We continue to text everyday with both of us initiating the conversation. When Sunday came we had not yet finalized our plans but had thrown out some ideas. She texted and said if I felt it wasn't too soon I could just come to her place and we could decide what to do from there. I agreed so she sent me her address. I show up and we decide to take her daughter to the zoo to see the Christmas lights. It was another good time but we really didn't get to talk as much as I had hoped. She offered to pay for her and her daughters tickets but I declined and paid. She didn't want me to think she was just looking for free dates. Anyway after the zoo we got back to her place. Her daughter is asleep and she says she's going to take her to bed and says with Christmas this week she doesn't gave any free time but we can set something up for the week after. I agree we hug and I head home. Since then we still text but she has not initiated any conversation. Maybe it's because she is busy like she said, but my gut is saying something is different. Am I reading too much into thus? I'd my insecurity rearing it's ugly head? I'm just not sure how into me she is at this point.
Jules Dash Posted December 24, 2014 Posted December 24, 2014 She is interested but don't overdo it with the family outting with her and the daughter this soon. You need alone time to build a bond with just her or she will start to see you differently. After you have established a solid connection with her then you can start to include the daughter more. Holidays are a busy and intense time. Some people can be a bit thrown off by the holidays. Give her some room.
Themariner Posted December 24, 2014 Posted December 24, 2014 She's not interested. If she was she'd make time to be with you busy or not. Time to forget this one and move on.
Author Eddie007 Posted December 25, 2014 Author Posted December 25, 2014 Well, anyone want to be the tie breaker? Lol.... We didn't talk at all yesterday which was the first day in the 3 weeks we've been dating. With it being Christmas Eve and today Christmas I know she is with family. Happy Holidays everyone!
lil hoodlum Posted December 25, 2014 Posted December 25, 2014 Allways seem that when someone has to ask others for their opinion, if the person they are talking/dating with is interested, they usually aren't. I think most people, when geniunely interested in another, make their intents known through words and actions. Sorry OP. I would just step back and give her a chance to respond back or come to you.
Author Eddie007 Posted December 25, 2014 Author Posted December 25, 2014 Thanks for the opinions. You're right, if I have to ask it's probably not a good sign. I'm just terrible at figuring these things out. IM going to leave it be, if she's interested she's be in touch if not than I will know either way.
Author Eddie007 Posted January 5, 2015 Author Posted January 5, 2015 I really can't figure this woman out. We have a 3rd date set up this day after tomorrow. She just seems more distant now. She used to text me all the time, now her texting and responses are few and far between. Anymore it takes several hours for her to respond. When we set up the 3rd date she actively asked when I was free and worked around my schedule to set it up. So I think she'd wouldn't do that if she wasn't interested. If I can't find out where I stand after this date I'm just going to move on.
Jules Dash Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 She is interested but as someone who is really doing the pursuing, you have to know how to flame up the attraction and interest level. If you are just sort of passive and don't set the interest level ablaze, you will start to lose her. How have you been handling her? Don't put too much stock into how long it takes for her to respond to your messages. My new GF took several hours to respond to my text from day one but practically pressured me into an exclusive relationship a couple of weeks ago. She wants sex even more than I do. I sent her a text early this morning and she still hasn't responded to it. She may text me back this evening. Some people are just like this and they can still be into you. Don't let it ruffle your feathers. But you can't just expect to shoot text back and forth to have her falling all over you. Go and take her heart! 1
Author Eddie007 Posted January 7, 2015 Author Posted January 7, 2015 She cancelled our date for tonight. Last night we texted for a bit and her last message to me was " I'll see you tomorrow :)" This morning she texted saying "I need a rain check for tonight my grandma is in the hospital. They don't expect her to recover. If she's still with us when I get off work I'm going to see her. She hasn't woke up yet" How do you respond to that. I just said "sorry to hear that" I hope someone wouldn't make this up as a blow off but I've come to not be surprised by anything anymore. Should I say anything else? I'm torn. If I say something like "let me know if you would like to reschedule" I'll look like an uncaring jerk, and if I say nothing it will look bad ad well.....
Mrin Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 I think you have to run with that. I would probably go "I am so sorry. That's awful. Absolutely, take all the time you need and focus on your grandmother and family. You'll be in my thoughts/prayers. Is there anything I can do?" 3
martaldn Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 She cancelled our date for tonight. Last night we texted for a bit and her last message to me was " I'll see you tomorrow :)" This morning she texted saying "I need a rain check for tonight my grandma is in the hospital. They don't expect her to recover. If she's still with us when I get off work I'm going to see her. She hasn't woke up yet" How do you respond to that. I just said "sorry to hear that" I hope someone wouldn't make this up as a blow off but I've come to not be surprised by anything anymore. Should I say anything else? I'm torn. If I say something like "let me know if you would like to reschedule" I'll look like an uncaring jerk, and if I say nothing it will look bad ad well..... no dont ask now to reschedule because it will probably be the last thing she wants to think about. if you have seen her only 2/3 time a " I am sorry to hear that I really hope she will recover " or something like this will be enough. then disappear. you are nothing to her yet so if she wants to see you again she will come back to you once everything is sorted. however if I was you, in the meantime, I would start to see other people. you are not taken until there is the " exclusive " talk.
elaine567 Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 She cancelled our date for tonight. Last night we texted for a bit and her last message to me was " I'll see you tomorrow :)" This morning she texted saying "I need a rain check for tonight my grandma is in the hospital. They don't expect her to recover. If she's still with us when I get off work I'm going to see her. She hasn't woke up yet" How do you respond to that. I just said "sorry to hear that" I hope someone wouldn't make this up as a blow off but I've come to not be surprised by anything anymore. Should I say anything else? I'm torn. If I say something like "let me know if you would like to reschedule" I'll look like an uncaring jerk, and if I say nothing it will look bad ad well..... Concentrate on supporting her re the sick grandmother, focus on that. Women like caring men, men who hassle for dates and sex, when there are other more serious stuff going on, are not going to be well received, so I agree you would look like an "uncaring jerk". If it is a blow off, then I doubt she would reply to any concerned texts re her or her grandmother. Leave it a day or two, let her get a chance to see how the land lies with the grandmother, then send a text asking how she is, ("she" being your date, not the grandmother - who may be dead by that time) If she mentions the gmother is still alive then you can make some concerned noises and if dead send your condolences to the date. 1
Author Eddie007 Posted January 7, 2015 Author Posted January 7, 2015 I sent "no worries about tonight. I absolutely understand. Take all the time you need for your family. In the meantime if you need anything I'm here" Deep down I get the feeling this is a blow off though. My gut has been telling me she was going to cancel for the past few days. When I heard my text tone this morning I knew what it was before I read it. 1
losangelena Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 Yes, MAYBE this is an "my dog ate my homework" kind of excuse, but a non-recovering grandma is a pretty serious thing. I certainly wouldn't make that up to get out of a date! Take it one day at a time. If you haven't heard from her in a couple of days, maybe reach out a see how she's doing. Real life can and does intrude on best laid plans sometimes. 1
Jules Dash Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 I sent "no worries about tonight. I absolutely understand. Take all the time you need for your family. In the meantime if you need anything I'm here" Deep down I get the feeling this is a blow off though. My gut has been telling me she was going to cancel for the past few days. When I heard my text tone this morning I knew what it was before I read it. It probably is a blow off but you handled it well. There isn't much you can do when they throw grandma's death in the mix. It is unblockable. Poor old grandpa is never used as an excuse, unfortunately. She should get back to you instead of you pushing more in any way. I simply wouldn't push any more. Despite our best efforts, it just turns out this way. Sometimes no matter how much we are on the top of our game, we get this sort of stuff.
Author Eddie007 Posted January 7, 2015 Author Posted January 7, 2015 Thanks everyone for the responses. She texted earlier that her grandma passed this afternoon. I sent my condolences and said even though we are kind of new not to hesitate to reach out if she needed anything, even just someone to talk to. I feel like a heel now for doubting her. I doubt she would have continued the story just to ditch me since she was already out by that time. 1
Author Eddie007 Posted January 8, 2015 Author Posted January 8, 2015 She texted me this evening apologizing for canceling as she knew I worked late yesterday to be free tonight. She went to her parents after work to be with them as expected. Would it be akward to send a sympathy card? We've. Been talking for about a month and been on 2 dates. I have her address as I've been to her place.
Jules Dash Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 She texted me this evening apologizing for canceling as she knew I worked late yesterday to be free tonight. She went to her parents after work to be with them as expected. Would it be akward to send a sympathy card? We've. Been talking for about a month and been on 2 dates. I have her address as I've been to her place. I would still wait to see how this plays out. Hold off on the sympathy card. It is probably a bit too involved for the level you two are at. The reality is that some people just have a really hard time letting some people down in a straight forward manner. That is just the way it is and always will be. You were not wrong to doubt her so don't feel bad. People come up with all sorts of crazy scenarios to turn down dates. I think you handled it well and you showed sympathy. If she is interested, she will contact you when she is ready.
callingyouuu Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 I feel like this situation was dragged on too long to be made up. If she wanted to disappear, she would have done so when she first canceled. I agree with no sympathy card. Just be gracious, accepting, and supportive in your responses to her. Let her bring up the next date if she wants one. 1
Author Eddie007 Posted January 10, 2015 Author Posted January 10, 2015 Thanks for the advice. We didnt talk at all Thursday. She sent me a message Yesterday morning and asked how my Thursday was. We didn't talk much. She seems really sad about losing her grandma which I understand. The services are today so I sent her a message saying "Morning, you're in my thoughts. Here's to better days to come. Hang in there, chin up!" 2
preraph Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 Moms are too busy to do a lot of maintenance on relationships. And I have to make one judgy comment about her: She should not be introducing new dates to her kids, no matter what, for a myriad of reasons, so her judgement isn't the best.
shet Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 True story: There was a woman I met shortly before Xmas who was extremely keen to meet up. In the end I couldn't do it before Xmas but she made me promise to do so on the weekend after Xmas. She then promptly disappeared and I assumed she'd thought better of it and forgot about it. She messaged me yesterday - she'd developed pneumonia on Xmas day and had been in intensive care for weeks, sent the pics to prove it. Her whole Xmas and NYE was spent in a hospital ward and it's still ongoing. She now wants to meet when she's released. **** happens to people and they take a long time to get back round to administrating their lives, and dating is low priority in that process. 1
todreaminblue Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 i think you have handled the situation well....very caring and supportive you hang in there....she must like you after all the sadness with her family she is still texting you to find out how you day was....deb 2
Author Eddie007 Posted January 14, 2015 Author Posted January 14, 2015 Thanks. I'm usually a very optimistic person but I'm a pessimist when it comes to dating. I've had so many dates flake on me I've come to expect it. I do like this girl and hope we can continue and see what happens. I told her I'd like to take her out again when things settle down. She responded that she would like that and said she was free Sunday, so we set it up. I guess we will see how it goes from here.
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