bloomy Posted December 24, 2014 Posted December 24, 2014 Hi all. I have been FWB with a guy for about a year. We met up occasionally and the sex was always amazing, I had no problems climaxing at all. Not only that but we got on really well; it was exactly what I was looking for. A couple months ago he started seeing somebody new so we called off the arrangement. We barely spoke during this time. However about 3 weeks ago, he and his new girl parted ways. We met up a few days ago to hang out and it led to sex again, which neither of us really planned to happen. However, it wasn't great. He continually asked me whether I had come yet, and it was just so unadventurous. We did no foreplay and he wouldn't kiss me and barely touched me. It just wasn't like it had been previously, so I faked it. Looking back I probably should have been honest, but it felt awkward and like he just wanted it to be over. As soon as he thought I had climaxed, he finished, and it was over. When I left I felt really strange. I hadn't had to do that before with him, it didn't feel right. I felt awkward and part of me wished the whole thing didn't happen. The next day he spoke to me and told me he really regretted it and it felt like he was sleeping with his sister. He was quite brutal about it but felt bad about saying that and apologised to me. I didn't want him to feel bad because I felt similar, so I told him not to worry. Without much thought I decided to tell him that I felt exactly the same, I felt awkward and it didn't feel right, which led me to fake it that time. He has got really angry with me. He has accused me of saying it as a way of insulting him or denting his ego because of how he was to me in the past (he has occasionally been really temperamental, hot and cold etc etc). But the only reason I told him was so he knew we were on the same page; I didn't want to engage in it again just as much as he and he didn't need to feel bad about regretting it because I did too. In hindsight maybe it wasn't the best thing to say, but at the time I didn't realise telling him would make him so angry. I have tried to apologise and tell him my reasons but he isn't having any of it. He is now ignoring my messages which hurts a little bit because I never wanted to upset him. I am unsure what to do now or whether there is anything to say, or whether I was at all in the right for saying this. Thoughts would be really appreciated. I feel pretty awful.
Otter2569 Posted December 24, 2014 Posted December 24, 2014 I would let it go. It sounds like the whole situation was wrong to begin with so "it is what it is". 1
TigerCub Posted December 24, 2014 Posted December 24, 2014 I'd say let it go. But my question to you is - why do you fake it in the first place? Don't reinforce bad performance! I really don't get women who fake it. 3
toscaroscura Posted December 24, 2014 Posted December 24, 2014 I'd say let it go. But my question to you is - why do you fake it in the first place? Don't reinforce bad performance! I really don't get women who fake it. Some men don't quit if the woman hasn't finished yet, and she just wanted it to be over. I agree with faking being wrong in any sort of relationship, but in this instance, I can get behind her reasons. Considering his reactions to her admission of faking, I can't see her just telling him to stop before she's finished going over very well either. I think this guy's a tool. You DID dent his ego, and that's why he's being like this. Also perhaps guilt on his part; he knew his lovemaking efforts were sub par. No kissing no foreplay? And he is surprised?? If he can't even talk about it like an adult, he's not worth your time. AND, he seems to be the kind of person that dishes it out, but can't take it. I find these kinds of people also never worth my time. 4
Michelle ma Belle Posted December 24, 2014 Posted December 24, 2014 Some men don't quit if the woman hasn't finished yet, and she just wanted it to be over. I agree with faking being wrong in any sort of relationship, but in this instance, I can get behind her reasons. Considering his reactions to her admission of faking, I can't see her just telling him to stop before she's finished going over very well either. I think this guy's a tool. You DID dent his ego, and that's why he's being like this. Also perhaps guilt on his part; he knew his lovemaking efforts were sub par. No kissing no foreplay? And he is surprised?? If he can't even talk about it like an adult, he's not worth your time. AND, he seems to be the kind of person that dishes it out, but can't take it. I find these kinds of people also never worth my time. I agree with toscaroscura. Chalk it up as experience and move on.
toscaroscura Posted December 24, 2014 Posted December 24, 2014 Upon further reflection, I suspect this guy is still hurting over his breakup and was perhaps trying to soothe his hurt with you. When reality hit him (you aren't her, and she is gone), he couldn't deal with it. It doesn't excuse his behavior though.
Author bloomy Posted December 24, 2014 Author Posted December 24, 2014 Upon further reflection, I suspect this guy is still hurting over his breakup and was perhaps trying to soothe his hurt with you. When reality hit him (you aren't her, and she is gone), he couldn't deal with it. It doesn't excuse his behavior though. Yes. I believe this is true, too. Probably the reason why things were different whilst we were together.
Author bloomy Posted December 24, 2014 Author Posted December 24, 2014 Thank you for your replies, though. I don't think he is behaving like an adult. He didn't try to see my side and now appears to be punishing me for being honest or trying to make him feel better. Probably ironically it made him feel worse, but I didn't think it would because of his attachment to somebody else. He clearly has a warped view on what it takes to make a woman climax. I do feel horrible though; he is my friend as well. But surely if he had the same mutual feelings towards me I guess he would have looked at it from a different perspective than he did. For him to accuse me of intending to hurt him shows his underlying opinion of me, I am sure.
Redhead14 Posted December 26, 2014 Posted December 26, 2014 Thank you for your replies, though. I don't think he is behaving like an adult. He didn't try to see my side and now appears to be punishing me for being honest or trying to make him feel better. Probably ironically it made him feel worse, but I didn't think it would because of his attachment to somebody else. He clearly has a warped view on what it takes to make a woman climax. I do feel horrible though; he is my friend as well. But surely if he had the same mutual feelings towards me I guess he would have looked at it from a different perspective than he did. For him to accuse me of intending to hurt him shows his underlying opinion of me, I am sure. I am sorry but I cannot agree with your position here. He's wanting the right thing, you disrespected him for it. Sex between a man and a woman is the most intimate act there can be. It is a matter of trust and honesty. His reaction is understandable. After that level of trust is broken, there is no way to make him feel better. He will never be able to trust you in those terms again. The fact that he is concerned with being able to pleasure you in a mutual way, is a very big deal and something you should respect and be happy about. In an FWB especially, you would more often be with someone is is selfish in bed. What is needed is communication during sex. If you cannot share you wants/needs on that level with a man, you should not be having sex with him.
Tayken Posted December 26, 2014 Posted December 26, 2014 Hi all. I have been FWB with a guy for about a year. We met up occasionally and the sex was always amazing, I had no problems climaxing at all. Not only that but we got on really well; it was exactly what I was looking for. A couple months ago he started seeing somebody new so we called off the arrangement. We barely spoke during this time. However about 3 weeks ago, he and his new girl parted ways. We met up a few days ago to hang out and it led to sex again, which neither of us really planned to happen. However, it wasn't great. He continually asked me whether I had come yet, and it was just so unadventurous. We did no foreplay and he wouldn't kiss me and barely touched me. It just wasn't like it had been previously, so I faked it. Looking back I probably should have been honest, but it felt awkward and like he just wanted it to be over. As soon as he thought I had climaxed, he finished, and it was over. When I left I felt really strange. I hadn't had to do that before with him, it didn't feel right. I felt awkward and part of me wished the whole thing didn't happen. The next day he spoke to me and told me he really regretted it and it felt like he was sleeping with his sister. He was quite brutal about it but felt bad about saying that and apologised to me. I didn't want him to feel bad because I felt similar, so I told him not to worry. Without much thought I decided to tell him that I felt exactly the same, I felt awkward and it didn't feel right, which led me to fake it that time. He has got really angry with me. He has accused me of saying it as a way of insulting him or denting his ego because of how he was to me in the past (he has occasionally been really temperamental, hot and cold etc etc). But the only reason I told him was so he knew we were on the same page; I didn't want to engage in it again just as much as he and he didn't need to feel bad about regretting it because I did too. In hindsight maybe it wasn't the best thing to say, but at the time I didn't realise telling him would make him so angry. I have tried to apologise and tell him my reasons but he isn't having any of it. He is now ignoring my messages which hurts a little bit because I never wanted to upset him. I am unsure what to do now or whether there is anything to say, or whether I was at all in the right for saying this. Thoughts would be really appreciated. I feel pretty awful. Here...You have done nothing wrong from I see here, and it was him that decided to go see someone else, before returning to want to pick up from where you guys left off. I mean what was he expecting after all this time? You didn't have to sleep with him, but only you know how he managed to convince you and get you to agree to the sex. Perhaps you are still into him and haven't got over the fact that he left you for someone else? You were brutally honest, and so was he for telling you that he felt like he was sleeping with his sister. I mean that is enough to make you angry also, but you didn't. Let him continue being a jerk, but at least now you know that you don't feel the same way you did before when you guys banged each other. Unless there is something else there that keeps you guys going apart from sex, I'll urge you to move on and find the next thunder man that will rock your boat. I do feel horrible though; he is my friend as well. Then don't bang your friends. In an FWB especially, you would more often be with someone is is selfish in bed. True...this was the case with a FWB who I had seen for a while last night. She claimed to be "tired", and I just did most of the work. However, I don't think I'll be seeing her in the new year.
somedude81 Posted December 26, 2014 Posted December 26, 2014 Faking an orgasm is a horrible thing and never necessary. If you want the sex to stop but feel that the guy isn't going to stop till you have an orgasm, then just tell him that you are starting to get sore. That's it. 1
preraph Posted December 26, 2014 Posted December 26, 2014 Yeah, just let it go. There's a lot of guys out there who think they're amazing in bed because girls are faking it, but for the same reason we let them down easy, a whole lot of girls will fake it, just to make them feel good -- and also sometimes because if they don't, they'll just keep trying. Men don't understand that some women just aren't going to get off all the time. I mean, sure it depends on if they do enough foreplay, which most don't, but then it also depends on just what's going on in the woman's head right then, something he may or may not have any control over. Guys don't ever seem to get that. It's not always about them. Also, once a trust is broken, things are likely not going to be the same for awhile, or may never be the same again. And it's also true that a woman can really be passionate and enjoy sex but still not climax. Maybe she's overly excited or the timing is just off or she simply isn't relaxed enough. Guys never take the news well, whether it's being truthful you didn't get off now or later. 2
Ruby Slippers Posted December 26, 2014 Posted December 26, 2014 His ego took a hit with the breakup, then another one when you admitted you faked it. Men tend to express bad feelings in anger more than sadness. I agree you should never fake it, but it's done now, you apologized, and there's nothing more you can do. I wouldn't bother seeing him again for a while, even if you are interested in future FWB adventures with him. Given his halfhearted performance, he's obviously in no condition to be a good lover with you right now. It's been rare, but a time or two I've found myself in bed with a halfhearted lover who's not doing much to warm things up. In those cases, I stopped the action and got dressed. If I can get more satisfaction out of masturbating than having sex with a man, there's no point, so game over. Never in a million years would I fake it just to appease his ego. 1
Tayken Posted December 26, 2014 Posted December 26, 2014 Never in a million years would I fake it just to appease his ego. There goes the "fake it to make it" mantra then Marilyn
Danda Posted December 26, 2014 Posted December 26, 2014 Sounds like he's an emotional train wreck, I'd just steer clear of him if I were in your shoes.
Dallers Posted December 26, 2014 Posted December 26, 2014 Once it ends it ends. I do not understand why people cannot understand that you will never get that feeling back. You may get A FEELING but never the one that brought on all that passion to begin with. FWB, FB, Marriage...... Once it ends, IT ENDS. Move on.
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