tigerdog Posted December 24, 2014 Posted December 24, 2014 Okay question. I met this guy almost a year ago on a dating site. We dated for 2 months and he called it off, saying that the only reason is he's not physically attracted to me. He thought I was beautiful but didn't find himself attracted to me. We remain friends and become very close friends. I'd honestly say he views me as his best female friend. We talk about everything, we spend lots of time together, have met many of our mutual friends and it's been great. It took awhile but over time I've just accepted we are just friends and have moved on. The last couple of months have been a little different. I've noticed we flirt a bit more and he checks me out a lot, but he never really made a move, and we do spend lots of one on one time together. Anyway, last weekend we went around and looked at holiday lights together, and ended up making out and having sex a couple of times at his place. The sex was pretty good, very emotional, and lots of cuddling. Then he tried to have a conversation with me about how it didn't work out when we first dated because he was very physically attracted to me, and felt like the physical attraction was greater than the emotional attraction. I had to leave and personally didn't want to discuss it since for months this guy had been telling me he wasn't physically attracted to me, and what he was saying was so contradictory. And he made it clear that he would like to be physical with me again, but doesn't want me to get hurt since he's still sorting out his emotions... and the whole thing took us both off guard. What gives? How can a guy be so sure he's not physically attracted to you, and then one day change his mind?
USMCHokie Posted December 24, 2014 Posted December 24, 2014 He's horny and lacking in other options... ...is a possibility... 3
Danda Posted December 24, 2014 Posted December 24, 2014 He's horny and lacking in other options... ...is a possibility... As much as this sucks, it'd be my guess, as well. Chances are that when he first met you, he perceived (real or imagined) that he had lots of options and so he was being picky. Now he doesn't perceive that and he's lowering his standards. This in itself isn't really 'bad' though. It's healthy for people to have the occasional reality check and learn to enjoy things and people that are not 'perfect' ideals in their fantasy worlds. The part that sucks is that you're aware it has happened, and the way he totally fumbled trying to explain himself shows (to me) that he wishes he hadn't let you know the details that would allow you to realize he has 'lowered his standards' because frankly that just comes across in a rather ****ty way. Question for you, OP: Do you care that he had to wisen up a bit before realizing he could enjoy you, or would you rather just roll with it and enjoy the here and now for what it is? 3
Gloria25 Posted December 24, 2014 Posted December 24, 2014 Yeah, not to hurt your feelings - but men can have sex with someone they're not really attracted to. I mean, in a way he's telling you the truth now - which is there's a physical connection (sex), but after the physical stuff, he doesn't wanna date you (emotional connection). I've been through that with OLD... Sometimes I'm the one "reconsidering" a previous option, but don't even bother cuz I took soo long to make something of it, it just feels awkward. And, when I'm on the receiving end of someone contacting me out of the blue after a "wink" or one/two e-mails that went nowhere, I just also let it be. Cuz, I don't wanna be someone's Plan B, C, or even D. 2
Author tigerdog Posted December 24, 2014 Author Posted December 24, 2014 No worries. You guys aren't hurting my feelings at all. I have pretty good confidence and have no issue attracting guys offline. Actually most of my dates are from guys I meet in person. Also, I didn't want to mention this before but over the last 4 months, I've lost 30 pounds and am now attracting way more male attention and people comment on how great I look regularly. When I met this guy I was overweight, and have now lost quite a bit of weight due to a change of lifestyle. So I realize these factors could play a large part in his change of attraction. We are still very close friends, so I doubt he's using me for sex or to cure his horniness. He made it very clear that the last thing he wants is to lose me in his life or screw up our friendship, and said that if we are being physical, it's completely monogamous and he won't be doing that with other women or anything while he's figuring this all out. His confusion is more about if he loves me romantically. We've been on plenty of date-like things together, even the way we hooked up felt like a date, that at this point, it's mainly if we want to be in a committed relationship with each other. And Danda, I didn't even consider that, since that would explain why he felt the need to re-explain himself... since it was just so awkward and contradictory to everything he's told me in the past. And yes, I'm cool with enjoying the moment. I'm not sure if I want a relationship with him anyway, and am actually going on a few dates with a couple of guys. I very much care and love him but I think hearing that someone isn't physically attracted to you is hard to rub off entirely. I was just mainly curious about how someone's perception can change so rapidly like that.
bachdude Posted December 24, 2014 Posted December 24, 2014 Okay question. I met this guy almost a year ago on a dating site. We dated for 2 months and he called it off, saying that the only reason is he's not physically attracted to me. He thought I was beautiful but didn't find himself attracted to me. We remain friends and become very close friends. I'd honestly say he views me as his best female friend. We talk about everything, we spend lots of time together, have met many of our mutual friends and it's been great. It took awhile but over time I've just accepted we are just friends and have moved on. The last couple of months have been a little different. I've noticed we flirt a bit more and he checks me out a lot, but he never really made a move, and we do spend lots of one on one time together. Anyway, last weekend we went around and looked at holiday lights together, and ended up making out and having sex a couple of times at his place. The sex was pretty good, very emotional, and lots of cuddling. Then he tried to have a conversation with me about how it didn't work out when we first dated because he was very physically attracted to me, and felt like the physical attraction was greater than the emotional attraction. I had to leave and personally didn't want to discuss it since for months this guy had been telling me he wasn't physically attracted to me, and what he was saying was so contradictory. And he made it clear that he would like to be physical with me again, but doesn't want me to get hurt since he's still sorting out his emotions... and the whole thing took us both off guard. What gives? How can a guy be so sure he's not physically attracted to you, and then one day change his mind? He's had plenty of time to "sort out his emotions". You two have known each other for how long now, one year? And I imagine he has already hurt you because he lied to you, and after becoming very close with you, flirting with you, making out with you, and now having sex with you, he basically tells you to be careful of him because you could get hurt. Nice of him to tell you that after he sleeps with you! It's just amazing to me how people treat others like complete dirt. 1
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