musicalsteve82 Posted December 23, 2014 Posted December 23, 2014 For those of you who decided you didn't want a second date after the first, what was the reason?
goodgirlturnedbad Posted December 23, 2014 Posted December 23, 2014 I never wanted a second date if the guy was boring. Once I practically had to do all the talking because when I tried to talk more interests or hobbies the guy would say something along these lines: "well, what do I do apart from work? sleeping, breathing, walking a dog... that's basically what adult like looks like". He did want a second date and asked me openly why I seemed uninterested... 1
Rydo Posted December 23, 2014 Posted December 23, 2014 Boring, not attractive enough, not a good kisser... That's pretty much it.
Danda Posted December 23, 2014 Posted December 23, 2014 Generally when I'm considering a possible mate at first, there are three overall questions that sort of vaguely pass through my mind. 1. Does anything about this person make me uneasy? In essence any signs that our core values are mismatched or that I can't trust them? 2. Do I enjoy interacting with this person, is it a positive experience as opposed to flat out neutral? 3. Do I get any kind of response when imagining what it'd be like to have sex with this person? (As opposed to zero primal attraction whatsoever, doesn't have to be some knock-out hottie or anything) If the answer combo is No Yes Yes Then I'll be hoping for a second date. And all three of those questions (and their answers) are purely subjective based on my own values/boundaries, personality and aesthetic tastes. So if I were to explain the specifics of what dates do/say that makes me interested/put-off, it'd just be a massive Getting-To-Know-Danda wall of text. But it wouldn't really reflect any inherent pros or cons about the guys themselves. I mean sure there are some pretty across-the-board concepts, like don't show up ****faced and then try to steal money out of her purse, but aside from such extremes it's all pretty up in the air.
todreaminblue Posted December 23, 2014 Posted December 23, 2014 groping......tongue down the throat...that sort of thing...deb 1
hasaquestion Posted December 23, 2014 Posted December 23, 2014 For those of you who decided you didn't want a second date after the first, what was the reason? Depends. If she's got a fun personality and I'm not that interested, I'd do it anyway. Because you know the second date will be enjoyable, and you might find out she's the type to do casual sex. If she's boring (quiet, doesn't do back-and-forth banter well, slow-witted, serious demeanor) then I'd feel guilty asking to see her again.
spiderowl Posted December 24, 2014 Posted December 24, 2014 From my own experience: He was lacklustre, glum, and didn't offer to pay for the fish and chip supper that he invited me to after we had met for a drink. I didn't expect him to pay and would have insisted on sharing, but he didn't seem to have a generous spirit. He was too laid-back beyond belief. Expressed all his feelings about having no ambition, not needing to do more than a part-time, low-paid job, and in every other respect. It's very unusual but I felt he was very passive. He was pleasant, but so slow when talking that I felt like winding him up. His experience of life was so different to mine, he would not have had a clue about the speed my brain had to function at work. I just felt it was a non-starter. Another guy was really handsome, which was a surprise to me as his picture really didin't do him justice, but he was nowhere near bright enough. I tried to make conversation and he just talked about his hobbies being watching movies and 'kissing'. Somehow I knew it wasn't going to work. It was a real pity because he really was tall, dark and handsome like in the movies A different guy had lied to me about his age (he was 8 years older), he wasn't really separated as he'd said but living in a house with his wife. He felt it was worth us meeting because then he could 'explain' these things to me. Well, no explanation works when you lie. One guy just lectured me on all his achievements for an hour. Occasionally he asked me something about himself but mostly it was a monologue. He also kept looking around him all the time and didn't keep eye contact. All in all, he seemed shifty and weird. Those were a few others with similar lack of a real connection. It's probably why I haven't accepted a date for a while now. Generally dating has been very disappointing.
shet Posted December 25, 2014 Posted December 25, 2014 Hasn't happened often to me but: Smoker (had known she smoked beforehand, hadn't known how much) Sex worker (... yeah) Casual attitude to sex (certainly not when we're neighbours and I can see the guys come and go from your house thank you very much) You could say, making the definition of a "date" flexible to include say, women you already knew or supposedly platonic meetings, that some more would be: Hyper keen on me (like, won't leave you alone, goddamn scary) Religious Into BDSM (to the point of lifestyle choice) Firm reason to believe she spun a web of lies To be honest, I know quite well that if I weren't so lonely and essentially desperate enough to employ few standards, I'd only want to repeatedly date only about 1 in 4, or less, of the women I meet. It's just that I only meet about 2 per year so I have to go easy. I'm sick to the back ****ing teeth of setting stuff up with women you think are amazing and then they unveil some heinous **** that makes your heart sink.
WonderWoman911 Posted December 25, 2014 Posted December 25, 2014 It was basically a boring date.I had to initiate all of our conversations that we had,which became a nuisance and a pain. He was a nice guy, but I just couldn't put myself through that again.
Donnie Darko Posted December 25, 2014 Posted December 25, 2014 She doesn't get a second date if she isn't attractive enough or intelligent enough or interesting enough. She doesn't get a second date if she is boring or if she does not have a good personality. She doesn't get a second date if she is not feminine or if she has poor hygiene. She doesn't get a second date if she is selfish and spoiled. She doesn't get a second date if she is unhealthy, fat or unfit. She doesn't get a second date if she has a poor sense of humor. She doesn't get a second date if I don't enjoy her company. She doesn't get a second date if she is a bad kisser. 1
lauren13 Posted December 25, 2014 Posted December 25, 2014 Recently: 1) Didn't get a second date, because he disagreed with every single thing I said and wouldn't give any arguments "why" he disagreed. Eg. Him: "yeah.... i dont think so / I don't really think that's the case though .../ I don't think that's correct" Me: Why? / But why do you think so? Him: "i just do" awkward silence (Probably was also one of the worst dates I ever had) 2) Didn't get a second date, because he was hungover every single weekend, and I'm past my "frat guys" dating stage. All he was able to talk about was how drunk he was that time. 1
somedude81 Posted December 25, 2014 Posted December 25, 2014 She brought a friend with her (another guy) and spent more time talking to him than me.
sillyanswer Posted December 25, 2014 Posted December 25, 2014 For those of you who decided you didn't want a second date after the first, what was the reason? She was pregnant.
Haerts Posted December 26, 2014 Posted December 26, 2014 It depends so much. Sometimes the person is boring. Sometimes they aren't what you expected (physically). Sometimes you realize through the first date that the person is not a good match. Or let's say, they're looking too much at other people around (like they're checking on others while being with you). Their kiss could be horrible. There are so many reasons. The other way around could happen too, like going out with someone who you'd think is a waste of time and then have a great moment. That has happened to me!
angel.eyes Posted December 27, 2014 Posted December 27, 2014 For those of you who decided you didn't want a second date after the first, what was the reason? I learned enough to make me realize we weren't a match.
BluEyeL Posted December 27, 2014 Posted December 27, 2014 Negative, came off as mean/unkind, complete lack of physical attraction.
E-Squared Posted December 27, 2014 Posted December 27, 2014 She doesn't get a second date if she is unhealthy, fat or unfit. Do you mean as in having a gut? Or as in obese? I don't mind if a girl is chubby, but depending on how her build is, like if she is about 300 pounds, I wouldn't go for it. However, I don't mind a woman with a belly and handles, or some rolls for that matter. I will be honest about this, I remember some girl didn't want a second date with me because she claimed she was "too busy" for me and said "don't wait for me, you'll find someone who has time." I wouldn't doubt if she was too thrown off by some stupid thing I had mentioned about her weight, especially because she outweighed me by more than 100 pounds. I am a chubby guy myself, but for a while now, I have been more active than ever and have been hitting the weights for more than a year and a half. This girl claimed she was lazy. I gave up on her after a while, but I wouldn't be surprised if she was still pissed at what I had said, even though I tried not to be mean about it. Granted, I can admit that I was at fault about some stuff and it was stupid of me. At least I know I was wrong for saying something. As for the weight thing, like I said, I don't mind if a girl has a round and soft tummy but there are some limitations to the whole thing. Same with if a girl is thin. If she is rail thin like she looks like she doesn't eat at all, then no, I am not interested.
Rydo Posted December 27, 2014 Posted December 27, 2014 Do you mean as in having a gut? Or as in obese? I don't mind if a girl is chubby, but depending on how her build is, like if she is about 300 pounds, I wouldn't go for it. However, I don't mind a woman with a belly and handles, or some rolls for that matter. I will be honest about this, I remember some girl didn't want a second date with me because she claimed she was "too busy" for me and said "don't wait for me, you'll find someone who has time." I wouldn't doubt if she was too thrown off by some stupid thing I had mentioned about her weight, especially because she outweighed me by more than 100 pounds. I am a chubby guy myself, but for a while now, I have been more active than ever and have been hitting the weights for more than a year and a half. This girl claimed she was lazy. I gave up on her after a while, but I wouldn't be surprised if she was still pissed at what I had said, even though I tried not to be mean about it. Granted, I can admit that I was at fault about some stuff and it was stupid of me. At least I know I was wrong for saying something. As for the weight thing, like I said, I don't mind if a girl has a round and soft tummy but there are some limitations to the whole thing. Same with if a girl is thin. If she is rail thin like she looks like she doesn't eat at all, then no, I am not interested. I would say its important that a girl is a close match for me weight wise. I want someone that can join in my activities, things like cycling, snowboarding, climbing etc. I dont want someone that is breathless climbing the stairs.
Phoe Posted December 27, 2014 Posted December 27, 2014 I've never been on a date where I didn't want a 2nd date, but just once I did not want a 3rd date. It was simply because there was no romantic interest between us. Very platonic. We both agreed to not date again. 1
E-Squared Posted December 28, 2014 Posted December 28, 2014 I would say its important that a girl is a close match for me weight wise. I want someone that can join in my activities, things like cycling, snowboarding, climbing etc. I dont want someone that is breathless climbing the stairs. Well, someone could still be somewhat overweight and be in-shape. Just because they have round guts doesn't mean they are likely to huff and puff while cycling or running. Like I said, weight isn't much of an issue with me, but there are limitations. The girl who I mentioned was about 400 pounds and at the time, I was nearly 250 pounds. I am smaller than I was then, but I do work out and have packed on some muscle. However, one thing I remember about this girl was when we saw a movie together, I remember my left hand barely touching her leg with her sitting next to me and I was just sitting normally with my hands by my side. Her legs were really big.
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