Should I tell this girl that her bf has been flirting with me and has a POF profile?

[littleblackheart]

I would tell her. But I would so by simply messaging her on FB and putting it a very specific way.

 

1. You know that Dave is actively trying to cheat on her and is smearing her behind her back, you looked her up and that is how you found out.

2. You would want someone to tell you if you were in her shoes.

3. You have additional evidence in the form of text messages that you can send/show her if she wants it, and then include a link to his OLD profile.

 

I get the impression that most people agree that it's best to leave things alone in this type of situation, but honestly my brain cannot understand that and probably never will. If someone knew my SO was disrespecting me so terribly, putting me at risk of DISEASES and slandering my name, and they knew I was oblivious to all of it, I would be frankly pissed if I found out they knew and never told me.

 

Maybe part of it is the fear of being blamed and sucked into the drama, but oh well. When people are emotionally wounded they can react in kinda crazy ways. But it's just a matter of understanding that - that they are wounded and might verbally lash out and accuse at first. But you're still doing them a massive favor and if they are sane beneath their pain, they will come around and be grateful, not mad at you, even if they need to limp off and never let you know it.

 

Idunno it's just my personality type. I don't go out of my way trying to white knight for the whole world, but if some nasty person is stupid enough to involve me, even as a witness, to their nastiness, then they're gonna get it. My brother's last girlfriend, before his current fiance, fooled around on him with his best friend, and my brother was in total denial. It was never a question for me at all to jump right into that fray and verbally slap my brother upside the head for tolerating such disrespect to himself, and the only reason I didn't beat that bitch's ass on the front lawn was because he finally stood up for himself and I didn't want to embarrass him by going into crazy-big-sister mode while he was doing so.

 

When you go out of your way to try to spare others from pain, yes you're putting your own butt on the line to some extent, but that is what humans are supposed to do for each other, in my opinion. Probably not as intensely as I tend to do it, admittedly, but to do it none the less.

 

 

It's a moot point now since the OP made her decision but I can't sleep and this post made me think for better or worse, so here goes: I'm not sure I understand how projecting your own moral codes and expectations and imposing them on someone you don't know and whose relationship you know nothing about (or at least her perception of it - it's not like your fb's public profile is any indicator of what's happening in your life) is being kind, helpful or any other higher moral virtue.

 

 

When it's about someone you know then great, go for it, you have leverage (sibling love, friendship, whatever), the background and at least some idea of how the betrayed person is going to react (if badly, you'll be there to pick up the pieces)- in the situation you describe it's a family member so yeah, everyone would do the same, frankly.

 

 

When you don't know who you're meant to be helping and why, it's not really about you, how you'd want to know that some random person happened to stumble upon incriminated evidence by chance and is also your bf's ex, it's about respecting someone's privacy and not jumping head first on the basis of one side of the story when you have no vested interest at all - you're not doing anyone a favour, least of all you. But that's my opinion.

 

 

Apologies for the ramblings - lack of sleep and laptop is a very bad combination...

 

 

Oh and OP, thanks for the update.

[SpiralOut]

This reminds me of the guy I dated who two-timed me, and I did know the other girl. When I told her, she freaked out and showed him my FB message. He told her a bunch of lies and even told her what to write back to me! The sad part is that she did what he said. She sent me a message that were HIS words because she couldn't even write the message herself!! After he treated her like crap and they broke up, she suddenly believed me.

 

 

I think you did the right thing in deciding to stay out of it. She wouldn't believe you anyway. This guys actions will catch up to him someday.

Edited December 28, 2014 by SpiralOut