Esmee Posted December 23, 2014 Posted December 23, 2014 This site was comforting to me when I was dumped recently so I thought I would return and share. We began dating in March, P and I. It was a whirlwind. Falling in love was intense and he made me believe in my core that this could be something that could last. Failing a lifelong love affair, I thought it would be fun at least. Not so much. As the weeks passed our differences became apparent, for instance I was still incredibly attracted to him and wanted to have sex. The feeling was not mutual. He cited stress as a mitigating factor. Sleep was all he wanted. We went on vacation at the end of June and it was miserable. It was a long drive with several of his large dogs and he was unhappy and upset about everything. July passed and he became withdrawn. He said he was unhappy with our talks, that we didn't connect on a conversational level. He broke up with me over the phone one Friday in early August. He said he needed to get a handle on his stress levels and needed to take some time to be on his own. He returned the next day and asked me to be patient with him. I said I would do whatever it took and wanted only to support him in any way I could. One week later, he broke it off again, this time via text. I wrote two letters, I sent a heartfelt text. And then I let it go. And pined. And waited. I was anguished and heartbroken. I thought our love was special and unique and I would wait for him forever. And then: at the end of November, the cheery bell on Facebook messenger – Hey. I just wanted to say hi and see how you were doing. Underwhelming to be sure, kind of a mindf*ck but ok. This was it. I was ready. I unleashed my persuasive writing ability and spilled my guts. All the hurt and confusion came out. He didn't even know he broke up with me. He thought I broke up with him. To this day I have no idea what that is about. He wrote a short message about every day and our conversations moved from heavy to light. As these half-hearted messages dribbled in to my inbox, my heart lit up. My lovesickness came back full force and I lost myself in daydreams about the future that was surely just around the corner. Now, in the intervening months I had signed up for an account on a dating site. I endured tepid correspondence with a couple of gentlemen but my heart wasn't in it. A couple of weeks into the renewed communication with P, I heard from one interesting person in particular on this dating site. He would not leave me alone. I wanted to sit and brood over my unrequited love and simply wait for P to realize that we were meant to be together forever and start acting like it. But this person had other ideas. He had an agenda and pursued me hard. Finally I agreed to meet him just to see what he was like. We went out a couple of times and his passion was 100-, 200- even 1000-times the bloodless torpor I was going through with P. Things came to a head: P asked me if I'd like to get together for dinner and some activity I've never wanted to do. I dropped the ball and walked away without responding. No matter what happens now, that spell is broken. The story I had told myself, the story I clung to, was not reality. The scales fell from my eyes and I was finally able to see. This new guy could leave tomorrow but I'd rather start fresh with someone who wants me, someone who will risk and sacrifice their comfort to be with me rather than waste another second on someone who found me lacking and in retrospect was incapable of seeing me for me. 1
Kevin_D Posted December 23, 2014 Posted December 23, 2014 (edited) He didn't even know he broke up with me. He thought I broke up with him. It's called gaslighting and it's scary as hell. It's good that you stay away from this guy. "Gaslighting or gas-lighting[1] is a form of mental abuse in which information is twisted/spun, selectively omitted to favor the abuser, or false information is presented with the intent of making victims doubt their own memory, perception, and sanity.[2] Instances may range simply from the denial by an abuser that previous abusive incidents ever occurred, up to the staging of bizarre events by the abuser with the intention of disorienting the victim." http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaslighting Edited December 23, 2014 by Kevin_D
seminoles84 Posted December 23, 2014 Posted December 23, 2014 "This new guy could leave tomorrow but I'd rather start fresh with someone who wants me, someone who will risk and sacrifice their comfort to be with me rather than waste another second on someone who found me lacking and in retrospect was incapable of seeing me for me." This is great! Glad you are at this point OP.
Author Esmee Posted December 23, 2014 Author Posted December 23, 2014 It's called gaslighting and it's scary as hell. It's good that you stay away from this guy. "Gaslighting or gas-lighting[1] is a form of mental abuse in which information is twisted/spun, selectively omitted to favor the abuser, or false information is presented with the intent of making victims doubt their own memory, perception, and sanity.[2] Instances may range simply from the denial by an abuser that previous abusive incidents ever occurred, up to the staging of bizarre events by the abuser with the intention of disorienting the victim." Gaslighting - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia You could be right! I didn't even consider that. I should have thought of it.
Author Esmee Posted December 23, 2014 Author Posted December 23, 2014 "This new guy could leave tomorrow but I'd rather start fresh with someone who wants me, someone who will risk and sacrifice their comfort to be with me rather than waste another second on someone who found me lacking and in retrospect was incapable of seeing me for me." This is great! Glad you are at this point OP. It's a tremendous relief. I hope it comes more easily to everyone on this forum than it did to me. "Bye Felicia" as they say..
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