Concreteman78 Posted December 23, 2014 Posted December 23, 2014 So I sold my Jeep...gave the money to her to put in our JOINT account (that i dont check for I THOUGHT she had it under control) and gave her the info on where to mail the check to pay the Jeep off to get the title back so we can give it to the new owners...and to find out she has SPENT 60% of the money and the lender is calling me and so is the new owner. She is saying the lost the check and she will get it mailed out asap. She doesnt know I have looked into the bank account and seen the money is no longer there. I caught her on her phone in the middle of the night on a personal loan site. She has ZERO clue i know of the money issues. I have never had money issues for I dont live above my means. What do I do or how should i go about confronting her about it???
Gloria25 Posted December 23, 2014 Posted December 23, 2014 Well, depends on a lot of things... Is this your wife, gf, someone you got kids with? A friend?
Author Concreteman78 Posted December 23, 2014 Author Posted December 23, 2014 This is my gf. She has used the money for christmas gifts instead of paying off my jeep.
Gloria25 Posted December 23, 2014 Posted December 23, 2014 Well, then maybe you gotta make a decision on whether or not you want to keep her as a gf? Maybe you can take her to small claims court? Make sure you got documentation/proof for your case. If I were you, I'd send her some texts and get her to admit that she misspent the money, so when you take her to court you got proof. Be like: "I'm so upset with you, didn't I tell you to pay off my jeep with that money?"....then let her text her response and there you go. It's not community property (like if you were husband/wife), so I think you may have a case. 3
CALOVELY Posted December 23, 2014 Posted December 23, 2014 So I sold my Jeep...gave the money to her to put in our JOINT account (that i dont check for I THOUGHT she had it under control) and gave her the info on where to mail the check to pay the Jeep off to get the title back so we can give it to the new owners...and to find out she has SPENT 60% of the money and the lender is calling me and so is the new owner. She is saying the lost the check and she will get it mailed out asap. She doesnt know I have looked into the bank account and seen the money is no longer there. I caught her on her phone in the middle of the night on a personal loan site. She has ZERO clue i know of the money issues. I have never had money issues for I dont live above my means. What do I do or how should i go about confronting her about it??? This is serious. She took the money from the sale of your Jeep for shopping instead of paying off the remaining balance so you could make good on the legal sale of the vehicle. You need to talk with her immediately. She needs to repay you the money either on her own or through legal channels. I wouldn't continue to have any relationship with her. She has put your credit and your finances in deep trouble. She also opened you up to potential legal troubles if you cannot deliver the title to the new owners. This is a very big deal. 2
Author Concreteman78 Posted December 23, 2014 Author Posted December 23, 2014 the problem is that i live with her. So taking her to court is a sure way to get myself kicked out. But this just shows me the lack of self control over money on her part.
Sanman Posted December 23, 2014 Posted December 23, 2014 1. If she is going to take out a personal,loan to cover up she stole money from you, let her. 2. Never trust anyone that is not your wife with your finances. 3. Once she has paid you the money, find a place to live and confront her. This is a deal breaker issue. She is unlikely to ev e r be a responsible spender. 1
d0nnivain Posted December 23, 2014 Posted December 23, 2014 Short term: pay the loan yourself somehow. Long term: have a heart to heart Come to Jesus meeting with her. Tell her that what she did was unacceptable & tantamount to stealing from you. Get her to a credit counselor ASAP & help her to learn to be more responsible about money. If she won't go, get out of this relationship before she bankrupts you. 1
preraph Posted December 23, 2014 Posted December 23, 2014 I wouldn't keep her as a girlfriend. She's an opportunistic thief -- and worse, she lied about it and tried to conceal it. Don't keep someone like that! Once you forgive someone like that, they will know they can keep doing it and just get worse and worse. 5
BlueIris Posted December 23, 2014 Posted December 23, 2014 the problem is that i live with her. So taking her to court is a sure way to get myself kicked out. But this just shows me the lack of self control over money on her part. I'd tell her that she needs to give you the money, break up with her and start looking for another place to live. 4
Gloria25 Posted December 23, 2014 Posted December 23, 2014 the problem is that i live with her. So taking her to court is a sure way to get myself kicked out. But this just shows me the lack of self control over money on her part. Well, how does living with her fit into the issue of her taking your money? I mean, do you depend on her for paying your rent, bills, etc. and this is her "passive aggressive" way of getting back at you? If you are pulling your weight with the shared rent, bills, etc and she still pulled this stunt, then maybe you need to start looking at getting another place to stay at. Also, I don't think she can just throw you out. You established "residency" there and in some states, while you are not a "tenant", she would have to go through certain procedures (i.e. 30 day notice) before you would be forced to leave. I mean, when I lived with my parents as a kid and until I left for the military, I couldn't save a dime and/or go to the university cuz they bled me dry. But, what could I do? I couldn't afford my own place and they took advantage of that. In other words, unless you get your own independence, you'll never be able to prevent this from happening again. 1
Author Concreteman78 Posted December 23, 2014 Author Posted December 23, 2014 this is just one of many issues I am having with my gf. This just happens to be the biggest now. Sad that I had to find out about this one days before christmas.
Author Concreteman78 Posted December 23, 2014 Author Posted December 23, 2014 I live in her place for I was broke at that time. I am going to ask around for some places i could stay until i can find a permanent place to stay. She wont be able to afford her way of living without my income, let alone her condo or her car. I on the other hand....have very few bills. Just a storage unit, and a Rhapsody account. So i will be able to afford to save very quickly.
Quiet Storm Posted December 23, 2014 Posted December 23, 2014 At worst she's a thief and at best she's impulsive and irresponsible. Neither are good prospects for a life partner. This type of thing is what I'd call "financial infidelity". It's not only about the initial betrayal, it's about the after lies to cover it up. It shows a clear lack of respect for you, and also a lack of personal integrity on her part. I mean she had to know it would eventually come back to bite her, and she did it anyway. That shows she thinks you're stupid and can fool you... what else does she think she can get over on you? You may live together, but you aren't married. So while it may not be as easy as a simple break up, be glad you didn't marry or have kids with her. You can leave now and you will be able to say you dodged a bullet. This is a dealbreaker, IMO. 5
carhill Posted December 23, 2014 Posted December 23, 2014 What's the dollar amount here? Whose names were on the vehicle title as registered owners? You said 'my' but is there anyone else? Whose names are on the domicile lease? Do you have any assets available for cross-collateralizing? I could see this being a quite expensive lesson at car buying 101 for your buyer, presuming you and your GF are turnips which have no blood to bleed. In that case, the likely outcome would be a court judgment against you, uncollectable in total, but would remain in your credit record and lead to potential garnishee of future wages, income tax refunds, or other assets depending on the resourcefulness of the entity enforcing the judgment. If you can't work something out, the likely outcome will be the lender having the Jeep repossessed, selling it against the loan balance and any costs associate with the repossession, suing you for the rest and the unlucky buyer suing you for what they paid you. Great example of the risks of co-mingling assets with otherwise disinterested parties. That said, there's good money in concrete so, if that's your business, you should be able to recover. Lose the girlfriend, today. Yeah, that may foreclose any voluntary remuneration but I sincerely doubt a person with this financial and moral mindset will be forthcoming, or even apologetic. As far as 'confronting' her, simply state the facts, do your own due diligence regarding your risks, and call it done. If she has nothing to offer, accept that. My sympathies.
Gloria25 Posted December 23, 2014 Posted December 23, 2014 Great example of the risks of co-mingling assets with otherwise disinterested parties. But they're "living together"!!! Doesn't that count for something? I mean that "is" progression in a RL? Lesson in "playing house" here.
TigerLilly78 Posted December 23, 2014 Posted December 23, 2014 I live in her place for I was broke at that time. I am going to ask around for some places i could stay until i can find a permanent place to stay. She wont be able to afford her way of living without my income, let alone her condo or her car. I on the other hand....have very few bills. Just a storage unit, and a Rhapsody account. So i will be able to afford to save very quickly. Not if you have to pay rent and bills...Do you contribute to the home you two share? is it a 50 50% split? While I def dont condone this type of taking with out asking financial lines can get blurred when people live together unless its a very clean cut split on EVERYTHING that you share..
carhill Posted December 23, 2014 Posted December 23, 2014 But they're "living together"!!! Doesn't that count for something? I mean that "is" progression in a RL? Lesson in "playing house" here. It appears the OP learned an important lesson about such choices. Personally, I've never, and will never, live or co-mingle assets with someone I'm not legally partnered with. Hence, when not married, I've always lived completely alone. It's problems like the OP shares, and I'm in no way limiting this to women (men do this too!), which I learned about at a young age simply due to being socialized by someone who worked in the financial industry as a CPA. I always got the scary version and it sunk in. Yeah, my wife could still clean me out and she did a pretty good job of it but I signed up for that, legally. It didn't come calling in the night like for the OP. OP, if accessible, one potential mitigation would be to snag as many gifts as you can and sell them, even though it would be at a discount. Any leverage you can gather, even if it is capital to give you some breathing room, is worth it IMO. 1
TigerLilly78 Posted December 23, 2014 Posted December 23, 2014 I dont understand why he doesn't confront her and have her return the gifts prob solved no? I mean surely they are returnable with the receipts what the heck kinda gifts are they anyways to cost that much im assuming were talking in the thousands here.. I dont know to me no one dose that kind of thing with out asking to borrow it unless they some how feel like they are also entitled to that money hence why I asked if the OP is contributing his half fully to their home she clearly saw it as "their" money in some way..again not saying its right but its a explanation...
Gloria25 Posted December 23, 2014 Posted December 23, 2014 It appears the OP learned an important lesson about such choices. Personally, I've never, and will never, live or co-mingle assets with someone I'm not legally partnered with. Hence, when not married, I've always lived completely alone. It's problems like the OP shares, and I'm in no way limiting this to women (men do this too!), which I learned about at a young age simply due to being socialized by someone who worked in the financial industry as a CPA. I always got the scary version and it sunk in. Yeah, my wife could still clean me out and she did a pretty good job of it but I signed up for that, legally. It didn't come calling in the night like for the OP. OP, if accessible, one potential mitigation would be to snag as many gifts as you can and sell them, even though it would be at a discount. Any leverage you can gather, even if it is capital to give you some breathing room, is worth it IMO. Well, hopefully when people get married they did the proper assessment to make sure they were marrying someone "financially" capable, responsible, and considerate. IMO, when people "shack up" they consider putting that person on a "test drive" - which is just crazy, cuz you're exposing your stuff to someone you have no legal protection against. I rather do "pre-marital counseling" and watch how they handle their finances independently (living on their own) before I "shack up" with them as a form of a "test". I mean, my fav podcaster called in about a guy who had tax and personal debt - but she said he was "getting his act together" and she was getting ready to marry him. Come on, really? I wouldn't marry him until he "got" his act together. You don't need to shack up to figure out things about people. Geesh... But you know, I saw on ID months ago of a woman who kids are all up and gone and she cleaned out the life savings of her and the husband (well mostly his) cuz she was "bored" and picked up gambling. While that would make people scared, I think the husband set himself up for that cuz how do you not know what your wife is up to? You had no clue she was running to the casinos on her free time?
Danda Posted December 23, 2014 Posted December 23, 2014 Most everyone has their vices, weaknesses and flaws, in the vast variety in which they come, but lying/hiding is a deal breaker, in my book, as is brazen disrespect. The issue you now have to deal with is the financial issue regarding the vehicle. But as for your relationship, it's disrespect (theft, or taking without permission) and lying/hiding. If I were you I'd consider the relationship toast. 1
carhill Posted December 23, 2014 Posted December 23, 2014 I dont understand why he doesn't confront her and have her return the gifts prob solved no? I mean surely they are returnable with the receipts what the heck kinda gifts are they anyways to cost that much im assuming were talking in the thousands here.. OP, IMO this is a great suggestion and one I totally forgot about since I rarely buy retail with rights of return. Heck yeah, give that a try, even if you can't find the receipts. Some retailers will take back anything which is unused and has a scan code their system will pick up; however, it may not return cash and that's what you need so keep that in mind. Sure it'll piss her off but, as divorce taught me, all's fair in love and war and this is war
toolforgrowth Posted December 23, 2014 Posted December 23, 2014 At bare minimum, separate your finances and put your money in an account with only your name on it. Do it yesterday. And no matter what, do NOT put your money in a joint account with her. Never, ever. Tell her you've separated your funds, talk to her about how totally not okay this was, and decide what to do from there.
ktya Posted December 23, 2014 Posted December 23, 2014 Wont get any better. My ex that i broke up with a year ago was horrific with money like this. Luckily i never did open a joint account, despite her repeated and insistent requests. It wont get better. Maybe she figured she could kite the loan company for a while, maybe she figured she could get a line of credit to cover it back. Maybe whatever. The point is she blew it on consumer goods instead. What id do is force her to take it all back, receipts and all, go with her and return everything you can. People like this enjoy the retail therapy, and returning the junk is like corporal punishment to them, absolutely humiliating. Be sure to tell the whole story every store you go to.
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