DenverDude Posted December 23, 2014 Posted December 23, 2014 Hey everyone - Last Friday I sent her a short email. I had a moment where I was really missing her, so I cracked and sent her an email that basically said that our pet (cat) really misses her. I said that if she ever would want to visit him or take him for a little while we could arrange it so we wouldn't have to see each other. I also told her to be safe on the roads as there is a huge winter storm coming and she always hated driving in the snow. I ended it by telling her that she probably didn't need me to send this and that I hoped she wasn't mad that I sent it. I told her to be please be safe and left it at that. Of course I haven't heard back from her, and of course I did battle with a little anxiety wondering if she would respond. On Sunday, I went skiing with a few people from work, and I am almost certain that I saw her in the same place that we were eating lunch. I could be wrong, but I have this feeling it was her. She looked right at me, and I looked at her, but things happened so fast. I keep telling myself that it was her. She looked so beautiful. I always thought she was super cute when we would ski together. Maybe my mind is playing tricks with me? Who knows. Strangely enough, that night I had a pretty vivid dream where she was in it. I haven't had dreams of her in weeks. I woke up the next morning feeling really low, so I took it out at the gym. (working out really helps in these situations guys- I suggest whenever thoughts of your ex come up, start doing some kind of physical activity - push ups, sit ups, jumping jacks, standing jumping squats, etc etc) I think after my email and my potential brush in with her I am finally accepting that she wants nothing to do with me - which makes sense as she was the dumper. But all I can think about is how easy this is for her. I just can't understand how things can change so fast. It's like she is a ghost. I just want to tell her how I really feel, and how proud I am of her for everything she has accomplished, and wish her a happy holidays but I know I can't. Especially since she has not responded back to my email. The thing that really sucks is that she was always the type of person who could never think for herself. I worry that other people in her life are talking negative about me, and it's getting in her head. I know I am a really great person, but with her, we just brought out the bad things in both me and her. It would be nice knowing that she isn't talking bad things about me, and it would also be nice if my mind wouldn't be playing these horrible tricks on me. I haven't said one bad thing about her since she left me. I just dont think that is the case with her I know I shouldnt worry about these things, as they are all out of my control, but it's hard. I guess this is the reason why I am typing out my feelings right now. Sorry for the rant guys. I had to get this out of me. I wish everyone happy holidays.
dumbass2 Posted December 23, 2014 Posted December 23, 2014 Happy holidays to you as well! You must go NC at this point. By her actions she is telling you that she wants nothing to do with you. You're trying to force things and you can't. This finally hit me after I sent an email and a letter to my ex. She called me last then failed twice to return my calls and I finally had to say that's it. Enough is enough. You have to see it. You realize that it is out of your control. You only can control what you do. I remember going through that anxiety if I emailed or tried calling. It is horrible. What I did a lot when I started NC and had a tough time I wrote thoughts out and saved it on my computer. I did this a lot. After the first month of NC I started looking back at them and deleted a bunch of them. I could believe I had wrote some of that stuff. Time will give you a better perspective on things and your feelings will change and your head will catch up with your heart.
Author DenverDude Posted December 23, 2014 Author Posted December 23, 2014 Thanks for the response, dumbass (lol).. Like you, I also write out my thoughts. I honestly think it's the holidays that are really making me think about her a lot. The kicker is that our anniversary is New Years Day. I just keep replaying the scene in my head on how we met that day. It was awesome. I know that one day I will make new memories with someone else, but there was just something really special about her. She was an amazing person, but unfortunately, we both brought out bad traits in ourselves which ultimately caused the demise of our relationship. I would like to think that she still thinks about me, but again, this is out of my control. I am realizing that I need to nail the coffin shut and bury it for good, but it's not easy. How are you doing in your recovery process?
dumbass2 Posted December 23, 2014 Posted December 23, 2014 The thing is with us is that we got along great and I wanted more and she wasn't ready coming off a long marriage and then another long relationship. We are in our 40's. The break was hard on me but I did handle it very mature. No fighting and begging. I was frustrated so I took it ok. It was extremely hard because I felt bad for not fighting for her and I loved her. I just sent one letter then a few calls a few months after and that was it. I missed her a ton. After 3 months of NC from me, she contacted me out of the blue and I'm in a much better place now because of the 3 months away to heal and learn from the past. I have been dating, not found anyone special just yet, but my ex and I have met for a lunch a few times and gone out to the movies and we talk and text more often. She is in the same place not quite ready for a committed relationship, but she found after dating some other men that I had certain qualities that were important to her that she is now more aware of. I am taking things extremely slow and no sex as of now (2 months after her contact), just tight hugs and small kisses, but the flirty is there and talk about past sex (we were extremely physical) and her interest is growing. I don't quite feel the same about her, but there are feelings and I don't mind "dating" her again, but I'm going to continue right now to look to date other women as it comes up and I enjoy going out with my friends. We'll see where things go, but I am not pressing her for anything and I'm not sure if I would want to be back in a serious relationship with her. I just don't know now if she is right for me and if things end up not going anywhere, I feel good with where I'm at now. NC wasn't to get her to come back, it was for me to get over her and heal and move forward which I did. It just so happens that she decided to contact me again. I was not expecting it, but was open to communication just because of how our relationship was and how it ended with no major issues, other then her not ready and me a little too needy and trying to force things. I learned so much and I am taking what I learned and using it in my dating and with my ex and I know that my ex has seen the change in my behavior. It takes time away from things for you to figure things out and improve. You can't do that while still in contact. You really have to have good self awareness and be able to look just at your self and your actions. That is what I did and because of it I will be a much better partner for whoever I'm in my next relationship with.
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