Avante91 Posted December 23, 2014 Posted December 23, 2014 Hello I'm not sure what I want out of this I just feel alone so any advice or suggestions are greatly appreciated. We met 3 years ago she is 20 I'm 23 she chased me initially and I must admit it took me a good 6 months to realise how special she was. We argued a lot over trivial things we were on again off again all the time until we both decided to make a real go of it.. We had a solid 2 years which ended suddenly December 2013 when I was accused of cheating on her. I never have and never will cheat she is very insecure. I begged and pleaded and did all the things this forum says not to do, I was heartbroken. It was over and I accepted it gradually and by March 2014 I was myself again...when she turned up at my house out of the blue. I was honestly happy and ready to move on with my life but she professed her love and I took her back. Fast forward 8 months and December 2014 she has ended it again (because a girl was in my top friends on snapchat?!) I tried to explain she instantly blocked me on everything. I left her a week to calm down and went to see her she spoke to me and she was angry telling me she loves me less now and although she does still love me she doesn't want to anymore... As much as it hurt I respected her decision and left with my head held high. This was 8 days ago. At the weekend I was out in a club and I turned around she was stood next to me she could have stood anywhere so why next to me? Yesterday I got all her stuff together and went to her house not thinking anyone would be there anyway she was and we both were so shocked to see each other we didn't say a word I left the bag and drove away..a small part of me expected her to call me or text or turn up but no nothing. All she did was favourite a picture of some flowers on twitter (hint or?) It's clear to me now her feelings aren't there anymore and I'm trying to accept it. I started writing a journal 3 week ago when we broke up it's helping. She came back once maybe history will repeat itself but after ignoring me and blocking me on everything and acting fine I hope when she does try walk back in to my life I say thanks but no thanks. (Christmas is a bad time for me as it is due to family problems and now she has done this twice in a row, I have depression and anxiety but I do feel like I can cope now without medication) I'm trying to commit to NC because right now I don't know if I want her or I just feel alone all I do know is I still love her so much. I feel that I love her enough to let her go and be happy...I'm just hurting right now. Anyone have advice for coping? Thank you
Rainbowlove Posted December 23, 2014 Posted December 23, 2014 This is not on you to own. She has some issues; specifically trust and as you said, insecurity or self-esteem. There's nothing you can do to help her overcome those things, that's her responsibly. If you wanted to, you could write to her explaining how you felt about her and what you wished for her and your relationship. Or just let it be, but she needs to do self-work or the two of you will be doing the same dance regardless You are young. You will heal. What will be will be. It's out of your hands. 1
KBarletta Posted December 23, 2014 Posted December 23, 2014 Anyone have advice for coping? I would stop contacting her and disconnect from her on social media. Then you won't have to question why she favorited a tweet or like a photo, etc. Give your mind a rest and start focusing on you. Also, she seems to have incredibly low self esteem and major trust issues, if your having an online friend who is a woman is enough to send her over the edge. I would suggest that she needs to work on that issue before you even consider restarting things with her in the future. If what you say is true - that you never cheated and would never think of cheating - then you most certainly deserve better. 1
EgoJoe Posted December 23, 2014 Posted December 23, 2014 She could also be projecting her own guilt and shame on to you. 1
Author Avante91 Posted December 23, 2014 Author Posted December 23, 2014 She could also be projecting her own guilt and shame on to you. That is exactly what my mother said to me, I never thought of it before and as much as it hits me like a tonne of bricks right in the pit of my stomach.. It could be the reason. At least I know I stayed faithful and I always believe the truth comes out eventually.
Author Avante91 Posted December 23, 2014 Author Posted December 23, 2014 This is not on you to own. She has some issues; specifically trust and as you said, insecurity or self-esteem. There's nothing you can do to help her overcome those things, that's her responsibly. If you wanted to, you could write to her explaining how you felt about her and what you wished for her and your relationship. Or just let it be, but she needs to do self-work or the two of you will be doing the same dance regardless You are young. You will heal. What will be will be. It's out of your hands. Thank you rainbow, I am not perfect I have my flaws and some of the arguments were my doing but I was always faithful, giving and loving. All my friends and family say I can do better and deserve better and I think deep down I believe that to be true. I hope this is just a case of rejection and wanting what I can't have. This too shall pass. 1
Author Avante91 Posted December 23, 2014 Author Posted December 23, 2014 I would stop contacting her and disconnect from her on social media. Then you won't have to question why she favorited a tweet or like a photo, etc. Give your mind a rest and start focusing on you. Also, she seems to have incredibly low self esteem and major trust issues, if your having an online friend who is a woman is enough to send her over the edge. I would suggest that she needs to work on that issue before you even consider restarting things with her in the future. If what you say is true - that you never cheated and would never think of cheating - then you most certainly deserve better. Thank you for your advice. I agree and she has blocked me on everything however I found a bug with Twitter where I can still see and i torture myself everyday I promise I will stop I need to for my own sanity! I feel guilt that somehow I have given her these self esteem and trust issues but I have never done anything to make her doubt me, I work as a personal trainer in a gym and so naturally I speak to males and females but it is purely gym related. Cheating for me is like a cardinal sin I would not live with myself. You are right I deserve better! Next time she tries to walk back into my life I want to be strong enough to say enough is enough.
Danda Posted December 23, 2014 Posted December 23, 2014 The title of your thread is kind of ironic, since she clearly doesn't genuinely care about you enough to let you go. She just keeps yanking you around instead of working on herself. 1
KBarletta Posted December 23, 2014 Posted December 23, 2014 I feel guilt that somehow I have given her these self esteem and trust issues but I have never done anything to make her doubt me, I work as a personal trainer in a gym and so naturally I speak to males and females but it is purely gym related. Cheating for me is like a cardinal sin I would not live with myself. You are right I deserve better! Next time she tries to walk back into my life I want to be strong enough to say enough is enough. Please don't blame yourself for her issues. Unless you gave her a reason not to trust you, it's on her not you. 1
Author Avante91 Posted December 23, 2014 Author Posted December 23, 2014 The title of your thread is kind of ironic, since she clearly doesn't genuinely care about you enough to let you go. She just keeps yanking you around instead of working on herself. Very ironic I feel like an idiot for letting her do all this to me, getting over it and then allowing it to happen again I feel like it's my own fault I should have walked away when I had the chance!
Author Avante91 Posted December 23, 2014 Author Posted December 23, 2014 Please don't blame yourself for her issues. Unless you gave her a reason not to trust you, it's on her not you. Thank you. I just hope that this disaster doesn't have a lasting effect on future relationships I don't want to punish someone else for my ill treatment
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