ralfgarnett Posted December 23, 2014 Posted December 23, 2014 Hi All those of you that may of read my thread will know how sad I am after separating from my wife, one of the most enjoyable aspects of our life together has been travelling around Europe, ok so we are now apart but I don't see why I should lose out on this through no fault of my own, I am building up to taking my very first ever solo trip BUT I'm scared, im scared of being lonely, scared of ythe feelings I might ecnountrer, scared of missing her too badly, scared of thinking I made a mistake and wanting to go home but cant, I am good at talking with people aand making friends never a problem there, my wife always said I can go in a bar with strangers and within an hour I have new friends, but can anyone give me advice about it, I am being treated for depression by my GP but I don't want to have to not travel just because she has become a fruit cake, all advice and opinions welcome.
Diezel Posted December 23, 2014 Posted December 23, 2014 I have traveled by myself before. I had a similar situation to yours and it ended up being a solo trip to San Francisco. What I learned about myself there was amazing. Yes, it sucks in part to go to a nice restaurant to yourself, but it's also nice to do all the things YOU want to do and see the things YOU want to see on your own timetable. Take the trip. Take a camera. The distance will probably help too. Immerse yourself in the culture, the food, everything! You need to look at this as a positive and not a negative. You have a unique opportunity that a lot of people would die for. Take it. 1
central Posted December 23, 2014 Posted December 23, 2014 If you're an experienced traveler, a tour group may not appeal to you, but perhaps look into one designed for singles. That might deal with two issues at the same time!
Author ralfgarnett Posted December 23, 2014 Author Posted December 23, 2014 (edited) Theo only thing with that is that I / we like holidays in specific countries doing specific things and they are not covered by tour groups, for example I recently had 5 days in spain just drinking and eating it was ok but not my normal type of holiday this is where she and I were unique to one another and had such fabulous times doing our walks, history, museums, archaeology etc and it is going to be very difficult to find that again in anyone and I will probably do it on my own but I will miss her and I expect it will hurt like hell in many ways, you see you expect things to be always there, whn you leave somewhere you know that god willing you will both return but not now those certainties have gone out of the window and may never ever return for us, we have agreed to remain friends best we can and the should we shouldn't we do that is for another thread, but up until a few months ago we knew we would always return to our favourite places but not as with our marriage the comfortable solidity of that has gone possibly for ever and with everything else in our lives it makes me very sad. Edited December 23, 2014 by ralfgarnett
d0nnivain Posted December 23, 2014 Posted December 23, 2014 For your 1st time or two out, pick a group travel situation. Some cruise lines like the NCL Epic which I understand is re positioning to Europe have a special cabin category for solo travelers. 1
flightplan Posted December 23, 2014 Posted December 23, 2014 There are different types of solo travel. I'm currently planning solo trips to climb Kilimanjaro and the Himalaya's as well as long distant motorcycle trips in India and China. I suspect I'm going to encounter a lot of like minded people. I'm solo but I will be joining group climbs. Going single on a cruise or sightseeing kind of travel is not something that fits my personality... I quickly become bored, but if it's a trip that challenges me mentally and physically, then I'm up for it. Don't be afraid to explore your limits, because I can promise you... if you challenge yourself, any memories of your ex will quickly fade. You simply won't have the time or energy to give her any thought. 1
Author ralfgarnett Posted December 23, 2014 Author Posted December 23, 2014 I can never forget my wife we have been together 20 years and between us we discovered all the things that I miss so much and I am sure she does too, that's why they are so special in fact almost sacred to the point that I don't ever think that I could share them with anyone but her and I don't think she could either.
carhill Posted December 23, 2014 Posted December 23, 2014 With the internet, it's easy to make acquaintances all over the world who share your interest in travel and exploration. Back when I was traveling regularly, both during my M, during our D and after, I simply contacted a friend or two wherever I was headed to and generally they were happy to engage at the local level, as I was whenever a travel acquaintance hit Cali. It is different traveling without one's spouse, no doubt, but not insurmountable. With time and repetition, it becomes a new lifestyle. One bonus for myself was no longer schlepping around three heavy checked bags
Author ralfgarnett Posted December 23, 2014 Author Posted December 23, 2014 I think we Europeans are a bit less laid back than you rather jolly Californians, for example we don't automatically have a chum in every country in Europe that we can ring up and say something along the lines of " I say old boy thinking about tootling over to Gdansk for a few days how would you be fixed for a rather jolly time drinking vodka and chasing the local fillies what what" firstly the late great Terry Thomas has long since gone (mores the pity he is a real hero of mine) but secondly us chaps just aren't quite like that but I do of course get your point old chap. 1
carhill Posted December 23, 2014 Posted December 23, 2014 I tend to view life goals as investments so approach them that way. Wanted to go to Africa so volunteered at a local zoo to learn about African animals and went to Africa on a collaborative trip with zoo workers from around the country. Wanted to watch a F1 race so hooked up with some friends in Singapore, learned how to get around and went and watched the race. Wanted to visit my roots so hooked up with some ladies in the FSU (Ukraine) and met some fascinating guys along the way too, a couple who became friends. When one of those ladies later visited the US, I flew her out here to Cali and she got her first taste of beach camping with my exW and I, having never seen the Pacific Ocean before. I'm just an average guy who gets greasy every day in a machine shop. If anything, for many years, I was fearful of doing anything alone; still, I'd swallow that fear and head out. Life provides opportunities and we all have choices. Next adventure? Probably the Trans-Siberian, yep, by myself. The way I see it, we're never alone. If anything, we're immersed in people. Considering the seas of them I've encountered at Heathrow over the years and generally how friendly and helpful they've been, I'd say your country and where I live probably have more in common than differences. That's one thing I've learned from exploring the world. Humans have a lot in common.
Author ralfgarnett Posted December 23, 2014 Author Posted December 23, 2014 Your an amazing chap Mr Carhill you make my travels and emotional inaddequencies seem puny and irrelevant, and we all know what irrelevant is don't we ? yes its a large grey mammal that isnt feeling very well.
Diezel Posted December 24, 2014 Posted December 24, 2014 The way I see it, we're never alone. If anything, we're immersed in people. That's one thing I've learned from exploring the world. Humans have a lot in common. As someone who has traveled both alone, with a significant other and with a group of people... I can tell you, that what you said was so true, SPECIALLY when you travel alone. My trips alone were some of the most rewarding and some of the ones were I met the most people. I also was more receptive to learning about the culture rather than stay within a bubble of the familiar. I can't wait to do it again.
Jatli Posted December 24, 2014 Posted December 24, 2014 I just booked a trip to Nicaragua alone. It will be my first ever trip alone and I am 52. Some if my friends think I am nuts because I am a single woman and others are proud if me for taking this adventure. I am excited. I am just taking a backpack and going on an adventure of self discovery. I too meet people easily and I know I will meet people there. Yes I am a little apprehensive about it but I can't wait to see what will happen. My man left me 8 months ago for another woman. The last time I saw him a month ago we stood in his kitchen with his arms around me and he was kissing me but telling me he was still with her. I realized then that he hasn't missed me because I have never really been gone. We have always been in some sort of contact every few weeks. Do I decided that night that I would be gone. I booked my trip and that night that I did he texted me. I did not answer for the first time. My goal now is my trip and I am so looking forward to it
USMCHokie Posted December 24, 2014 Posted December 24, 2014 A few months after my breakup back in 2009, I went on a cruise by myself. It was an amazing experience and really broke me out of my social shell. It forced me to be more open and talk to anyone and everyone. I met a woman on that cruise who was there with her daughter and she invited me to eat dinner with them one evening. We became Facebook friends but never talked after the cruise. Two years later, we met up again while I was moving across country, and we've been together for almost three years now... If you were to take one trip after a breakup or separation, I would HIGHLY recommend a cruise...
newmoon Posted December 24, 2014 Posted December 24, 2014 i travel internationally and nationally solo a majority of the time and the experiences are very rich and rewarding. one of the most bizarre things to me is when a couple goes away on vacation and spends every second together - you grow as a person so much more when you can be an individual first and a couple second. but anyway...the best advice i would give someone getting over a divorce/break-up is to take a trip someplace far away by yourself. you will come back renewed, full of hope, and just 'different,' with a fresh outlook. after a break-up a solo trip is probably the best medicine for healing. you appreciate life and really do forget about the person during that time away, and when you return you can live off the memories of your experiences enough to help you move on.
kenmore Posted December 24, 2014 Posted December 24, 2014 The reason I clicked into this thread is because most of the travelling I have done was with / courtesy of my wife. I have not traveled much in my life, she more or less introduced me to it. I am so grateful to her for that! We have camped, cruised, done road trips and gone to Mexico and Canada. I was hoping to take her and my step daughter to Europe when I could, but it never happened. As for you, I know your pain! I would say if the idea hurts, postpone it. Don't force yourself unless it has been a long time. I am new to you, so I don't know. It's all about you and how you feel now. IMO, the worst thing you could do if you're not ready is to go on a trip (especially to someplace you went with her) and feel all of those regret moments! I think it's a mistake travelling if you are not ready! Then again, I speak for myself. I can't know how ready you are. If you go, I hope you find peace!!! Ken 1
Author ralfgarnett Posted December 24, 2014 Author Posted December 24, 2014 The reason I clicked into this thread is because most of the travelling I have done was with / courtesy of my wife. I have not traveled much in my life, she more or less introduced me to it. I am so grateful to her for that! We have camped, cruised, done road trips and gone to Mexico and Canada. I was hoping to take her and my step daughter to Europe when I could, but it never happened. As for you, I know your pain! I would say if the idea hurts, postpone it. Don't force yourself unless it has been a long time. I am new to you, so I don't know. It's all about you and how you feel now. IMO, the worst thing you could do if you're not ready is to go on a trip (especially to someplace you went with her) and feel all of those regret moments! I think it's a mistake travelling if you are not ready! Then again, I speak for myself. I can't know how ready you are. If you go, I hope you find peace!!! Ken Thanks Kenmore you say you don't know me but you obviously do as you have hit on a number of my problems, thanks to all those that have posted so far you are giving me plenty to think about please if you can please keep the flow coming, I am amazed just how far some of you have travelled under similar circumstances to my own, the first trip I was considering taking was only to Belgium one hours flight away makes my journeys seem tiny, but in saying that Amaericans are famous for thinking big and maybe by comparison my trip is big to me.
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