ntt Posted December 23, 2014 Posted December 23, 2014 I met this girl recently through a meetup.com group and I instantly took a liking to her. We talked a bit during the night and found that we had quite a bit in common. I was a bit nervous though so feel like I may have come across as a bumbling fool . I messaged her online through the meetup.com website and we have been exchanging messages for a few weeks. She has taken some time to respond to some of the messages but she may only infrequently login to meetup.com. Also her responses to my messages are quite friendly. I've added her on FB now so hopefully now it will be a bit easier to communicate with her. She is a bit on the shy side so if she was interested I don't think she would be the one to initiate anything. I'm also quite shy myself and very sensitive to rejection so I've been vacillating on the idea of asking her out. On the one hand I don't often meet girls that I have an attraction to and I have a lot in common with, but on the other hand I haven't seen a clear sign that she is also interested in me and perhaps by coming on too strong I may jeapordize a potential friendship. Also I'm a bit worried about potential awkwardness at future meetup.com events. Perhaps by not making my intentions clear at the start I may have unwittingly pushed myself into the 'friendzone'? In the past I've only done internet dating, so this situation is a bit new to me. Does anybody have any advice they could offer?
BeholdtheMan Posted December 23, 2014 Posted December 23, 2014 Does anybody have any advice they could offer? Who dares...wins 5
HorseLuck Posted December 23, 2014 Posted December 23, 2014 (edited) I've attended meetup groups before. In my particular group, the males can be pretty shy but it appears some of them will show interest in certain females. It's a common thing the females are well aware of. I've had the same experience. I only know this based on their engaging me in communication, or inviting me to hang out. They've never indicated they like me; maybe they're just calculating the risks. None the less, since I'm a bit shy I would appreciate more directness so I know what their true intention is. It always makes me a bit nervous. I can also be very friendly which can be misinterpreted as interest, when really I'm just looking for friendship. So what I would say is try to take it slow. Invite her to hang out and make it clear it's hanging out, not a date. See if she bites and looks forward to spending time with you, or if she's hesitant. With the latter case, I would continue to keep communication open with her. Edited December 23, 2014 by HorseLuck 1
Author ntt Posted December 23, 2014 Author Posted December 23, 2014 Thanks for the input, HorseLuck. Interesting to hear about the female perspective at meetup groups. I was also thinking about inviting her to hangout, instead of asking her out on a 'date' - like trying to keep it casual. Do you think that if I asked her to catchup sometime would that be enough or should I mention explicitly that it's not a date? I guess on the one hand it would mean that I wasn't coming on too strong, but perhaps it will frame our future interactions in terms of friendship.
Gotram Posted December 23, 2014 Posted December 23, 2014 What's wrong about asking her out to have some coffee? You don't have to make a big deal out of it. The more you wait, the higher the chances someone else goes for it. What's the worst that could happen? She says, "No." The result? You're not going to have coffee with that stranger, no biggie. What happens if you don't ask her at all? You're not going to have coffee with that strange but you will have lots of regrets. Remember, you miss all the shots you don't take. 4
SomeDude16 Posted December 23, 2014 Posted December 23, 2014 What's wrong about asking her out to have some coffee? You don't have to make a big deal out of it. The more you wait, the higher the chances someone else goes for it. What's the worst that could happen? She says, "No." The result? You're not going to have coffee with that stranger, no biggie. What happens if you don't ask her at all? You're not going to have coffee with that strange but you will have lots of regrets. Remember, you miss all the shots you don't take. You are a word wizard, stole my thoughts but worded it 1000 times better. 1
Author ntt Posted December 25, 2014 Author Posted December 25, 2014 I'm kind of leaning towards the advice of Gotram. I need to get better at handling rejection and it's not the end of the world if she says no. I will send her a message soon... *crosses fingers*
guest569 Posted December 25, 2014 Posted December 25, 2014 Yep just a "would you like to meet on blah day for coffee"
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