StrangerThanFiction Posted December 23, 2014 Posted December 23, 2014 I've been doing a lot of introspection lately. I'm sure everyone here is pretty well acquainted with thinking too much, eh (yep, I'm Canadian)? Anyway, my BU was a bit over 3 months ago. I've come a long way in my healing from the ending of my 6 year RS and I know that I still have a fair ways to go before I can say that I'm totally over it, but I'm starting to see it objectively instead of emotionally. The other day I was feeling pretty down and I felt like I was missing someone. At first I thought it was my ex that I was missing but when I really examined the feeling I realized it wasn't so much my ex specifically that I was missing, but more just having someone in my life to love romantically. That came as a huge shock to me for some reason. I realized that I don't miss him per se, I miss having someone to cuddle with, to hug, to laugh with, to talk about the day with, to hog the blankets and bed from, to get annoyed at when they don't rinse the sink after they shave, to thumb wrestle over who gets to vacuum. I guess just having someone to share day-to-day life with. I realized that I don't want my ex to be that person anymore. I realized that I want someone else to be that person. It was a big shock to me to realize that. It's exciting and it's absolutely terrifying. I look forward to the day that I may meet someone who wants to be in my life, but at the same time I'm terrified that it may not ever happen. I'm a 28 year old woman and it seems that most people seem to be spoken for by this age in one way or another. Most of the people I know are married with kids. It snuck up on me from the age of 22 until I realized that I am now in the minority of unwed and unbabied women in my circle of friends and acquaintances. It makes me feel like there's something wrong with me that out of the 3 multi-year LTR's I've had that not one of those men found me good enough to marry or share their life with. I know sometimes I'm not the easiest person to get along with, but who's got rainbows and unicorns coming out of their a**es at all times anyway, really? But I digress. Maybe it's because I've always dated men who were at least 5 years my senior (my last being in his 40's for example)? Maybe I just go for emotionally unavailable men? Maybe I actually am a horrible swamp monster? Whatever it is, here I am, single at 28 with no end to that status in sight. But in all reality, I know there's more to life than being in an RS. Guess I just have to find out what it is that I really want to do with my life. The rest will fall into place in it's own time I'm sure. Anyway, I had a reason for writing this post but that obviously got lost by the wayside at some point being as it turned into my own personal pity party/rant. Thanks to all who dared read through it.
lauren13 Posted December 23, 2014 Posted December 23, 2014 THIS! ! I feel exactly the same as you do. I don't miss him anymore, but I miss having someone. I had a 5 year relationship (a pretty destructive one) when I was in my late teens/early 20s, after that I just went from one short term to another short term thing and now I feel like I might never have it happen? All my friends (apart from 1) are all in long-term relationships, either engaged, married, or having babies. I don't actually have an advice (cause if I had one, I'd probably take it myself ), I just wanted to let you know you are definitely not the only one that feels like that.
Author StrangerThanFiction Posted December 24, 2014 Author Posted December 24, 2014 THIS! ! I feel exactly the same as you do. I don't miss him anymore, but I miss having someone. I had a 5 year relationship (a pretty destructive one) when I was in my late teens/early 20s, after that I just went from one short term to another short term thing and now I feel like I might never have it happen? All my friends (apart from 1) are all in long-term relationships, either engaged, married, or having babies. I don't actually have an advice (cause if I had one, I'd probably take it myself ), I just wanted to let you know you are definitely not the only one that feels like that. It helps knowing I'm not alone in feeling this way even though I'm sorry to hear that you're in the same boat. I've been on a few dates as well but none of them really panned out because they just weren't what I was looking for, I suppose. Granted, it's only been 3 months since My BU after an LTR but it'd be nice to just have a slight inkling that there may be someone out there for me at some point. Same goes for my friends too! I have one female friend who is 10 years older than me (38) that is single and childless. Everyone else has an SO and most of them have children. It makes me so jealous sometimes! However, I do know some people that are in LTR's that make me kinda glad I'm single and not having to deal with the BS they are lol. I guess that's the question: Is it better to be single and lonely sometimes or be attached and miserable?
lauren13 Posted December 24, 2014 Posted December 24, 2014 I have a close friend who just broke up with her bf - nearly 4 year relationship; past 2 years were constant fighting, disrespect, and crying. They broke up twice before, but always got back together thinking it'd be different. Seeing her cry and scream every week - I'd much rather be single and lonely sometimes than in a bad relationship. He wasn't a bad person, abusive or anything - they just had very different outlook on life and what they wanted. I think as long as you put yourself out there and are otherwise happy with your life; you're going to meet someone eventually that you'll want to spend time with ..if it's going to be forever or not I don't know, but I'm convinced there's people out there that I'd want to be with.
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