CryMeARiver Posted December 23, 2014 Posted December 23, 2014 And can it work> It is my insecurities that is allowing me to post this. I am early 40s, still in half decent shape but showing signs of aging. he is in his early thirties, super in shape, very healthy. What he wants with my old ass is besides the point. I feel he is a very sexual being, and being so handsome and charming can he be committed to a woman who, without fitness, health, and lots of botox with lose her youth soon? Can it work thru HIS midlife crisis when it hits in a few years? Can men be mezmerized by and fall in love with a lady a decade and slightly more older than him?
USMCHokie Posted December 23, 2014 Posted December 23, 2014 It worked for me...though I'm not hot... 2
Author CryMeARiver Posted December 23, 2014 Author Posted December 23, 2014 Haha no sugar Mama here...Im a server. he has the dough out of the two.
Noproblem Posted December 23, 2014 Posted December 23, 2014 So it's just 10 years difference, why it's a big deal Please stop putting all women down Guys been with younger girls like 15 younger or more for centuries and we accept it as a norm, Now, when women are taking care of themselves and looking healthy, independent, and lovely Why it's a surprise that some young or old guys will be interested And FYI: Guys always want easy sex whether it's with young girls or older ones So just stop it! 6
Andy_K Posted December 23, 2014 Posted December 23, 2014 As an early thirties guy in great shape I doubt very much I could do it. Not when I can date twentysomethings instead. But it works for some guys. You're going to have to ask him 'Could you see this age difference working out long term, or is it just an 'okay for now' kind of thing?'
Author CryMeARiver Posted December 23, 2014 Author Posted December 23, 2014 Thanks for the insight Andy, and its a possibility. I am still pretty hot (for my age) not bad shape, breast implants, great teeth! But I realize youth is the hot commodity.
USMCHokie Posted December 23, 2014 Posted December 23, 2014 Thanks for the insight Andy, and its a possibility. I am still pretty hot (for my age) not bad shape, breast implants, great teeth! But I realize youth is the hot commodity. Based on my experience, the most important thing is that you are young at heart. You not only have to act younger than you are, but you have to be and feel younger than you are physically. I'm not talking immaturity, but a sense of adventure with a little bit of silliness. My SO is just over 18 years older than me, and not only does she look great for her age, but we get along amazingly well because she lives like someone my age... I get the young mind and young heart without all the immature b*ll**** that comes with women in their 20s. She always reminds me that we would have never lasted if I had dated her when she was in her 20s because frankly, she was a nutjob. 3
Diezel Posted December 23, 2014 Posted December 23, 2014 I'm pretty sure Demi Moore had some of the same doubts. And if you have those going in, it's likely only going to get worse as the relationship develops.
lucy_in_disguise Posted December 23, 2014 Posted December 23, 2014 I think whether it can last depends on a bunch of factors, like where you both are in your lives, and what you are looking for. Does he want kids someday? You? That could be a divisive issue. But if you are at similar places in your lives and on the same page about what your relationship means, sure, it can work. Surely stranger things have happened. I personally know of several examples of successful relationships with a similar age difference. I think it is practically a requirement that YOU accept it and be confident about it, tho. This is the biggest red flag I see in your situation. 1
mysteryscape Posted December 23, 2014 Posted December 23, 2014 I am an older guy who was once young and in a similar situation, but with bigger age differences in years, each time, she about half again my age. It is possible that he is really into you, I would just try to make sure he isn't looking for a short-term bang, if you are averse to that. But that can happen with any age. Instead of saying you're not in such great shape, why not start getting into great shape? Believe me, older women who are in great shape can by very, very hot to younger guys, I talk with a lot of them (young guys), I know! 1
BluEyeL Posted December 23, 2014 Posted December 23, 2014 I had an early 30s great looking guy hit on me last year, and I was just as puzzled. I was 41 then. In my case, he wanted sex. I still didn't get why sex with me, when given his looks he could have sex with women in their 20s. But whatever. If I were you, I wouldn't hope for anything long term. It could happen, but unlikely.
oldshirt Posted December 23, 2014 Posted December 23, 2014 I'm 50 and while I was growing up I had an attraction and comfort with with women a little older than me. There's no reason his attraction and interest couldn't be sincere at this time. If he's not interested in dealing with young women with baby rabies and supporting pregnant women and raising screaming babies, you may be the perfect ticket. There is a definate risk that at some point down the road, which could be months or years, that he may decide he'd rather be with a younger woman. But no one is ever free of that risk. No one is ever guaranteed forever. Use common sense and never put all your eggs in one basket. Always be in a position where you won't truly be harmed or busted if he walks away one day. Always have an exit strategy and a back door. As long as your expectations aren't that he is going to support you and pay your bills forever or that you will sitting on the porch sipping lemonade when you are 90, there is nothing wrong with enjoying his company and his body today. 1
oldshirt Posted December 23, 2014 Posted December 23, 2014 I'm 50 and while I was growing up I had an attraction and comfort with with women a little older than me. . ....now my disclaimer and caveat here is when I got to my early 30s and decided to settle down and go for the home and family, I married a hottie that was several years younger. However had I gone the career bachelor route I wouldn't have had any qualms with going out with women a number of years older. I think this all boils down to end objectives of each person. If his end-goal is a white picket fence house with 2.3 kids, there is a definate risk he will opt for a younger healthy woman. And even if he doesn't opt for the young hottie, are you really going to want to deal with pregnancy and changing diapers and making umpteen gazillion trips to the doctor with colicky kids and ear ingpfections at this stage of your life????? Are you sure you aren't in it just for the hot body and youthful energy and at some point you'll want a more mature man that you can relate to on a more generational basis and be at similar stages in your lives? And if this guy is a career bachelor, do you think you will be ok with just being one of his harem girls? I dint see anything fundamentally wrong with having some laughs and working up a sweat with this guy, but I think the key here is not to build up any unrealistic expectations for "forever." You seem to be concerned about him ditching you, but I have the feeling when push comes to shove, I think it will be you saying, "it's been fun, but....." 1
TouchedByViolet Posted December 23, 2014 Posted December 23, 2014 Physically and sexually you may be hot, for him at least. Falling in love is a whole different thing though... Why not just enjoy what you got and see where it goes. 2
oldshirt Posted December 23, 2014 Posted December 23, 2014 I had an early 30s great looking guy hit on me last year, and I was just as puzzled. I was 41 then. In my case, he wanted sex. I still didn't get why sex with me, when given his looks he could have sex with women in their 20s. . I can answer that question. When you make a proposition to a 41 year old you are going to get one of two responses - - sure! Or - no, but thanks for asking. A 20something will give you a ton of mixed messages and games and hoops and hurdles to jump through and even then may string you along and keep you hanging. Some will even get pissy and offended by the offer. With a 41 year old will generally give you the straight scoop and not burn daylight with a bunch of games and silliness. She'll either take you up on the offer and do a good job of it. Or she will tell you no upfront and not waste any more of your time.
Michelle ma Belle Posted December 23, 2014 Posted December 23, 2014 (edited) I'm a woman of 45 (soon to be 46) and have been dating a man who is 33 for the past two years this month. I thought the EXACT same thing when I met him. At first it was just supposed to be light and fun and at the time, I desperately needed that. I didn't over think it or at least I TRIED very hard NOT to over think things and just went with the flow. Although being pursued by younger men was not foreign to me, this one was different. Very different. It went from being one thing and evolved into something entirely different. Something neither of us expected but so grateful nonetheless. My man is a very old soul and he continually surprises me with the depth and range of knowledge he has on a great many things. Life and conversation are never boring with him. I rarely ever think of our age difference anymore because it rarely ever presents any kind of issue for us. I've never been loved by anyone (including my ex husband of 20 years) the way this man loves me. It's sometimes overwhelming, in a good way. As for the aging process, again, every man is different. I'm very blessed to have a younger man who adores the aging process. Who appreciates the lines and wrinkles. He's not afraid of the scars and imperfections that come with age and motherhood. And he's a man who loves natural beauty. No botox. No fillers. No clown make-up. No overly processed hair etc. He always says I'm my most beautiful when I first wake in the morning. I mean who wouldn't love a man who can love you at that hour? The point I'm making is that anything is possible if you meet the RIGHT person. They are not all created equal after all. The other key is to not over think things. If it feels good, if you're enjoying each other, if he treats you well and you're happy, ENJOY! The way I see it, regardless of how this turns out in the long run, you already have a happy ending. Edited December 23, 2014 by Michelle ma Belle 8
Redhead14 Posted December 23, 2014 Posted December 23, 2014 If you are projecting so far into the future when you date someone, you're not enjoying the dates and allowing for the natural development of a relationship if it is going to go that way. You are not an old bag at your age and, if he finds you attractive, enjoy it. What you are describing could happen to anyone when they get married or have a long term partner . . . you get older, they get older. Will the love fade because of that. And just because he is 10 years younger, doesn't mean he's going to stay "beautiful" either. Men go through mid-life crisis, some stay, some don't. It's always a crap shoot. 1
mtber75 Posted December 23, 2014 Posted December 23, 2014 He wants to be shown around.... Sexually and in other life experiences! Older more experience women will do that for him. I have friends who are younger (late twenties/early thirties) who loves older women! This is the new age, you should embrace this!
Redhead14 Posted December 23, 2014 Posted December 23, 2014 My SO is 61 and I am 55. Not as big an age difference but he jokingly refers t0 me as a hood ornament. He finds me to be beautiful and I find him to be very attractive. He and I both know, that this window of "attractiveness" will fade in the not so distant future. Are we afraid to continue to be together because of that? No. We are enjoying what we have right here and now. Those memories will/should carry us through to old age and we will likely even then continue to be attracted to one another but in other ways and for other reasons. Enjoy the now.
ComingInHot Posted December 23, 2014 Posted December 23, 2014 So, aside from 'easy sex' and gaining experience, some of you here think there is no way the older woman younger man thing will work long term? ...but when the gender and ages reverse, it's all good and til death type love? Kind of depressing for some of us women just past 39, yikes! However, I DO appreciate the honest and sincere answers here too, no matter how much it doth sting. CiH* 1
melodymatters Posted December 23, 2014 Posted December 23, 2014 So, aside from 'easy sex' and gaining experience, some of you here think there is no way the older woman younger man thing will work long term? ...but when the gender and ages reverse, it's all good and til death type love? Kind of depressing for some of us women just past 39, yikes! However, I DO appreciate the honest and sincere answers here too, no matter how much it doth sting. CiH* Michelle ma Belle above seems to have a happy and stable serious LTR. And you can go to the last two pages of the consolidated younger man/older woman thread to read my story : happily married for three years to a mid 20's guy and i'm mid 40's ! No one knows the future and all guys are different ! Right now we look like a pretty hot couple but he says that when I do get "old and wrinkly and disgusting: ( my words) he reminds me that he never went for look before, his last 2 serious GF's were very plain, that he doesn't give a damn what society thinks and that even if I were to suddenly look like my 70 yr old mother it would change nothing ! 1
losangelena Posted December 23, 2014 Posted December 23, 2014 And can it work> It is my insecurities that is allowing me to post this. I am early 40s, still in half decent shape but showing signs of aging. he is in his early thirties, super in shape, very healthy. What he wants with my old ass is besides the point. I feel he is a very sexual being, and being so handsome and charming can he be committed to a woman who, without fitness, health, and lots of botox with lose her youth soon? Can it work thru HIS midlife crisis when it hits in a few years? Can men be mezmerized by and fall in love with a lady a decade and slightly more older than him? Who's to say his interest isn't genuine or that he doesn't like you as a person? Not everyone focuses on the superficial like firm bodies and plastic surgery. All of you, you're so cynical! 3
Ruby Slippers Posted December 23, 2014 Posted December 23, 2014 I think younger man/older woman relationships can do well. One of my sisters has been married to a man 20 years younger for more than 10 years, and they're a great couple. But I see details in your other thread (about him being hot and cold) that are worthy of concern. No talk of exclusivity after 2 months, no making plans ahead, him being on a dating website until 2 weeks ago. These details tells me that while he may like you and enjoy your company, he's not taking this as seriously as you are.
preraph Posted December 23, 2014 Posted December 23, 2014 He's not all that young. Once a man is in his 30s, his maturity level is about the same it is when he's 40. When the gap is more evident is when the guy is in his 20s, because he's just not mature enough yet. Of course, maturity also involves life experience, so there could be a big gap if you have grown kids and he has none. Just see how it goes. Have fun. Young guys always liked me and we usually ended up friends no matter how we started, but odds are that in the end they'll opt for a younger woman if they can get one they like. But there are exceptions that worked out just fine. 2
Author CryMeARiver Posted December 24, 2014 Author Posted December 24, 2014 Thank you for the interesting replies, everyone! Love sure is a complicated thing. Keep em coming! 1
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