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dumper been silent after sending me add request on social media

crazybestie101

By crazybestie101
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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crazybestie101 Established Member

crazybestie101

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NO , i have not reached out to him. Over one year of NC.

 

About 2 months ago, out of no where my ex sent me request on social media ( where we used to communicate a lot). It was just request and no message. Many people would say i should delete and block him. But i added him. Mainly i was bit curious and at the same time i didn't care of his presence as i dont check that social media any more. At first i thought it may be auto add or some software error. I ask people around me and google stuff. And Nope , it wasn't any error , he actually added me and i could see him online everyday ( i am always invisible). Despite of all this i didnt break NC. I know one year back i was looking for every way to get in touch with him.. oh well lesson learned.

 

But my question is that even after added him , there is nothing from him.. is he waiting for me to reach out to him? because i am not going to do, not worth it. I thought since i havent said anything after adding him , hope silence gave him answer. I know he always wanted to be my friend post break up but it wont work for me ever! I know the answers to my question but i still want to know other views. Sometimes i even have thoughts that in this silence game i am missing out my chance to tell him how much i still want him. But i very well know it's NOT worth it at all. I did enough , been through enough now no more..

Ordinaryday Established Member

Ordinaryday

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He wanted to see if you were still 'available' to him, despite him not wanting you back. by adding him you showed him you were, and you gave him all that he wanted from you.

 

similar thing happened to me - I had a horrible fight with a girl I loved and she told me to never contact her again. six months later I get a message from her on facebook saying "hi how are you?", not a word more. I responded back politely with "hey there Im good thanks" and never heard a word from her again.

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crazybestie101 Established Member

crazybestie101

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He wanted to see if you were still 'available' to him, despite him not wanting you back. by adding him you showed him you were, and you gave him all that he wanted from you.

 

similar thing happened to me - I had a horrible fight with a girl I loved and she told me to never contact her again. six months later I get a message from her on facebook saying "hi how are you?", not a word more. I responded back politely with "hey there Im good thanks" and never heard a word from her again.

 

But dont you think if i wanted him , i would have messaged him too after adding him. He very well knows that one year back i was kind of person who wanted to be in touch. But i think my not saying anything gives him reply...

Ordinaryday Established Member

Ordinaryday

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But dont you think if i wanted him , i would have messaged him too after adding him. He very well knows that one year back i was kind of person who wanted to be in touch. But i think my not saying anything gives him reply...

 

just by adding him you demonstrated that you were 'available' to him and that the lines of communication were still open. that is all he wanted.

 

I know it is a cliche on this board, but I reiterate it: any contact from the dumper besides "dumping you was the biggest mistake I have ever made, I am absolutely begging you to give me another chance" is just a meaningless worthless breadcrumb.

dumbass2 Established Member

dumbass2

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Ordinaryday is right on. You added him and he knows that and he got what he wanted. Best thing would have been not to. silence is golden, but the action of adding him spoke volumes to him. You should delete him now.

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crazybestie101 Established Member

crazybestie101

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just by adding him you demonstrated that you were 'available' to him and that the lines of communication were still open. that is all he wanted.

 

I know it is a cliche on this board, but I reiterate it: any contact from the dumper besides "dumping you was the biggest mistake I have ever made, I am absolutely begging you to give me another chance" is just a meaningless worthless breadcrumb.

 

thanks man , i think you are right.

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crazybestie101 Established Member

crazybestie101

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Ordinaryday is right on. You added him and he knows that and he got what he wanted. Best thing would have been not to. silence is golden, but the action of adding him spoke volumes to him. You should delete him now.

 

Yep, on my way lol thanks..

Light Breeze Established Member

Light Breeze

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Or.. He is totally over you and just wanted to add you as an old acquaintance would.

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crazybestie101 Established Member

crazybestie101

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Or.. He is totally over you and just wanted to add you as an old acquaintance would.

 

 

He was over me while ago, may be he was waiting for me to get over so he can add me..

Ordinaryday Established Member

Ordinaryday

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Or.. He is totally over you and just wanted to add you as an old acquaintance would.

 

which is a pretty selfish thing to do because they have no way of knowing whether the dumpee is over them or not and whether the friend request will bring up old painful memories!

 

I once got breadcrumbed by a girl who broke my heart, she was just saying 'hello'. thing is, I was in love with her and her dumping me took A LOT out of me that I had tried to move on from.

 

getting the breadcrumb just brought all the old painful memories back to the front of my mind and it served no purpose because I even made clear to her when she dumped me that I would never be 'just friends' with her.

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crazybestie101 Established Member

crazybestie101

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i feel same way about my ex, dont know how to tell him i will never be his just friend..honestly, i gave up while ago and don't want to get involve with this guy again , he messed up with my brain real bad. I don't plan to revisit old times.

Light Breeze Established Member

Light Breeze

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He was over me while ago, may be he was waiting for me to get over so he can add me..

 

It may... But honestly, I didn't think he did much thinking about this... Like, while he was surfing "Oh, I remember, crazybestie 101 how's she by the way?" Searches your name and adds without a thought.

 

People tend to overanalyze matters. Granted, it may have been he was fishing. But, either way thinking about this too much would set you back.

Light Breeze Established Member

Light Breeze

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which is a pretty selfish thing to do because they have no way of knowing whether the dumpee is over them or not and whether the friend request will bring up old painful memories!

 

I once got breadcrumbed by a girl who broke my heart, she was just saying 'hello'. thing is, I was in love with her and her dumping me took A LOT out of me that I had tried to move on from.

 

getting the breadcrumb just brought all the old painful memories back to the front of my mind and it served no purpose because I even made clear to her when she dumped me that I would never be 'just friends' with her.

 

Yes, it's selfish but I don't think they know that.

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  • 3 weeks later...
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crazybestie101 Established Member

crazybestie101

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Background : Brief dating , 1 year of NC.. He is dumper, made several indirect attempt to reach out in last 6 months but haven't actually message me.

 

Yesterday , i just wanted to see his instagram. All though its private , i wanted to see his profile picture. I know its stupid move. In that picture, he dressed like he was getting married or something. For minute i was like okay whatever but slowly it started to kill me and then i went on more digging of info. from his siblings profile. I couldn't sleep entire night , even when i woke up i was just misrable thinking about it. WOW , what happen to me now. I was just fine for whole ONE year and now again my mind is chasing and again i am being played by this man. Even after one year i am still letting this matter F*** my brain. Also, all that digging still didnt help me as i couldn't find out if he is actually getting married.

 

All this has lead me to break NC and wish him happy birthday in 2 weeks. This is just way to open conversation. My mind thinks that its time for me to open conversation with him and know whats going on in his life. My mind thinks that even if he doesn't response , i will be okay but that's not truth.

 

My family and i myself have warned my mind that its horrible idea to break NC and talk to him . I am reminding my mind how horrbly he treated me at end and never apologized for it even after year but i need someone to please tell me so i can help myself. I am about to start new job and all this is happening , i am affraid this will distract me. I have worked super hard to get this position and i can't afford to loose this because of this drama. Please help!

Superkitty Member

Superkitty

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I wouldn't contact him. You said it yourself.. It's been a year and he hasn't even apologized or sent you any messages. I wouldn't either because you are starting this new job and you will most likely send yourself in a tail spin if you don't like what happens and the odds are high for that to happen.. The odds are that he is not getting married and you are just letting your imagination run wild. Don't call him.

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dyna85 Established Member

dyna85

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Don't do it!!!!!!!!!!!! Please. I don't know the full story of yours but if he treated you horribly at the end and never apologized, it's not worth it. I'm telling you. Do not wish him happy birthday or make any other contact with him.

 

This social media crap is for the freaking birds. Tonight I checked my ex's fb and it brought me to such a low and I feel unable to sleep and so anxious and upset and like there is no end in sight to this madness.

 

You need to make a vow to never check his stupid IG or any other social media site. It's not good and will make these negative crazed feelings resurface. Just say no. Stay strong w/NC. If I can do it, you can do it. Starting tomorrow (today actually since it's 2 AM) do not ever look him up online, ever again.

 

You and your family are right that contacting him would be a horrible idea. Do not do it. Step away from the computer/phone. Type what you'd like to say in the 'coping - write here instead of your ex' section of Love Shack. Trust me, you don't want to go down this road. It will only be a temporary fix and you will be setting yourself back big time and you will put a dent in all of the progress you've made.

 

You've come so far. You've gone 1 year NC. That is amazing and you should be so proud of yourself! You have a new job. Congrats! Don't let this stupid situation with this jerk who treated you like crap ruin that. You're further along in your recovery than you realize. Don't let this trip you up and make you backslide into the depths of despair. You're more removed from it than you realize, and it's not a pretty place. I would love to be 1 year NC right now and envy you.

 

Please find comfort in other things and stay away from social media and be strong. Give it a few weeks and you'll probably be thankful you didn't give into temptation. You're always going to feel crappy the day or so after checking on his social media. That's why you need to stay away.

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Simon Phoenix Established Member

Simon Phoenix

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Terrible, horrible, dreadful idea.

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BC1980 Established Member

BC1980

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OP, you have come really far from where you were, and that's great. Don't get sucked into thinking you can break NC now.

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crazybestie101 Established Member

crazybestie101

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Thank you everyone for saving me again from pain.

 

After reading your views and started my new work , my mind has changed and became even much stronger to resist my urge to contact him.

 

I came to realization once again that how much it's not worth to break NC. I feel like new person again, Just new "me" in 2015.

 

I even have stopped myself from looking his social media , much like i logged out of all social media.

 

LS has been life changing website for me. But i must share: today i went out with friend and she brought up this and i ended up getting emotional , was about to cry. Oh, this man is very close to my heart but not worth of my tears. And again i hit reality that i came so far , i can't afford to go back to past.

 

I hope everyone is having good weekend :D

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bigtrouble Established Member

bigtrouble

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It was nothing, it meant nothing, he dumped you, if he wanted you back he would have made efforts.

 

Or maybe he was just testing if you were over him, by taking his friend request on the social media, he must have felt its ok, and must have eased his guilt a bit.

 

Take hold of yourself you are much stronger than you think, NC and move on.

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