winterlove04 Posted March 24, 2005 Posted March 24, 2005 Heres my story ... I've had really bad expierences with relationships. I'm VERY nice and my first boyfriend cheated on me because of that ability to walk all over me. That was a year and a half of hell and finally in Feb 2004 I ended it. This September I thought I had found someone new ... I was WRONG he was lying to me the whole time. In between these two relationships I've talked to other guys but none of them made me feel that feeling. In December I found that person that made me feel it. He had just ended his 1 year and 1/2 relationship with his girlfriend 2 months prior so he was finally over her and from what I thought he was ready for another relationship. His ex was cheating on him towards the end of the relationship which caused her to break things off so she was definitely not thinking of him. Anyways, the first day he called it was just like woooooow it feels like I've been knowing him for my whole life and he felt the same. The next day we talked it felt like we were already a couple. It was sort of weird to all of our friends but it felt right to us. That week was amazing. "I love you" would accidently slip out of our mouths. He finally stopped me and said "Just say it because I want to say it too" so when we started saying it, it felt so right and from the heart. I never felt like that for anyone. Well we started dating immediately and we saw each other a few times a week but then I got caught up at work a lot and that bothered him but he shrugged it off and I promised him after January it wouldn't be so tense and it wasn't. We started to see each other again but again work got in the way and we didn't see each other for 3 weeks which bothered him extremely and I decided to take a week vacation which he wasn't happy with at first but finally agreed to. The night before I left he was crying telling me how much he missed me so I drove to his house and we said bye for a couple of minutes and I wasn't there for a week. When I came back we had a lunch date and although it seemed awkward because we hadn't seen each other for a month the feeling went away. The next day he called me and was like "Our relationship isn't as exciting I never see you I don't feel we are a couple" and we agreed to work it out. The next day my friend was calling him and he said he didn't want to be with me and that he knew his feelings wouldn't change so I drove to his house and we talked about it and he told me that we rushed into our relationship, that he doesn't want a girlfriend right now, that he only had 2 months of being single after his breakup with his ex. I pleaded but it didn't work. Our relationship lasted for a little over 2 months but now he claimed "It was only 2 months anyway" but if we were together he would never say that =( He told everyone I was the one for him. Now he doesn't call me. I leave him text sometimes or he might call out of the blue. It's been a month, he said he misses me and wonders if I speak to other guys (which shows interest/jealously) but I'm so confused because for the first time something was going right and then boom it just disappears. I know if its meant to be he'll come back. Everyone tells me to get over him but my heart tells me not to. I know right now he doesn't want a relationship but he knows I will have free time at the beginning of the summer and he did indicate that we might get back together then because then he knows for sure that I will make time for him. Please someone make something logical for me to understand out of this
GirlDown Posted March 24, 2005 Posted March 24, 2005 my current relationship is a mirror of yours except one thing...we didn't become official right away. we met 2 months after his finace left him. she was cheating also. bad situation, you get the idea. here comes me. i saw him and knew i wanted him. he knew too, but wasn't ready. i waited. we hung out, we fooled around. i wasn't worried, i knew he liked me. his thing was NOT RUSHING into something new. he was worried about not being ready, and he was worried about getting hurt. you boyfriend is only getting to this realization now, but it doesn't mean it's completely over. tell him you understand, that maybe it was too soon for him and that you're willing to give him space. after all, it's not just for him, but for you too--you want to be certain that's he's sure he does want to be with you, you don't want to get hurt either. so it's fair to both of you, and it makes you look good. you show you're understanding, but that you still care and are interested. the worst thing you can do is force yourself on him, he'll run like the wind...but i don't think you're doing that. i wish you luck.
moimeme Posted March 24, 2005 Posted March 24, 2005 Anyways, the first day he called it was just like woooooow it feels like I've been knowing him for my whole life and he felt the same. The next day we talked it felt like we were already a couple. It was sort of weird to all of our friends but it felt right to us. That week was amazing. "I love you" would accidently slip out of our mouths. He finally stopped me and said "Just say it because I want to say it too" so when we started saying it, it felt so right and from the heart. I never felt like that for anyone. This is very common. I also consider it a HUGE red flag. You simply cannot know someone enough to love him that soon. You think you do, but that's the brain chemicals trying to fool you into procreating. As time passes, the chemical intoxication wears off and, as he did, you do a 'what was I thinking?'. If you ever again find yourself falling into the trap of falling too fast, put the brakes on and go rapidly in the opposite direction. People need to take time to get to know each other before they can actually love each other.
Author winterlove04 Posted March 25, 2005 Author Posted March 25, 2005 Thanks for the advice GirlDown and moimeme. I asked him if we would be together again when he wants a girlfriend and he said he doesnt know he cant tell the future. For now do I not speak to him ?
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