whatodo Posted March 24, 2005 Posted March 24, 2005 Ok well here is what is going on and it is just killing me!! Well me and my now exgirlfriend were dating for about 2 years and then she decided we needed to break up. The reason for all this is that she does not want a relationship and wants to be free for a while while she is still young. She tells me she just wants to have fun but really nothing to do with anyone. She tells me all she might do is kiss a guy and that is all. She doesn't want a relationship or anything like that for now. Now what do I do? We still talk its really hard but we do....I still love her as much as i did before....Its just killing me knowing that she still loves me but not in that way right now because she doesn't want a relationship. Everything with me and her was perfect before and now this came up. I think to myself I should just concentrate on other things and she will change her mind sooner or later. This is just soooo weird to me. Can someone tell me what she is really thinking or is it just that she want to be alone for a while????? What should I think? How should I act? I want her in my life and now I am just her friend waiting for her at the moment. What should I do? Me and her were absolutely perfect except for this now. I can't seem the help myself or find anyone to help me get through this. She does a little bit but tells me that she can't do this because we are not togeather anymore. She can't help me and she won't. Will she change her mind? What i think is as soon as she gets done with school here now soon she will have a job and responsibilities and then she will change her thinking. Just yesterday she was saying how everything is moving so fast that she is getting older. And at that time I am thinking well lets do this togeather. Help me somehow. Thanks to everyone!!!
greenhorn Posted March 24, 2005 Posted March 24, 2005 Here is one more classic example of "I want space". God I just wish to stereotype the girls for this . Dude, I can understand your situation and here is my analysis of the whole situation. Spend one hour in this forum of LS and you would find several instances of girl behaving in the similar manner especially when they are in their early twenties.The thing is that your girl wants to exlplore opportunities outside of you.She want to test if she gets someone else on the other hand she wants you to be as a backup.If things don't go right and she can't find someone better then she will always have you for her. She does not want anything that can limit her potential chances so she is not interested in any kind of relatinship with you. Now it is upto you that you can be in her life as HER MAN or as a backup. If you might remain as a backup then let me also add this that her quest for finding better and better or newer and newer will never end. I might be sounding harsh now but if you give priority to your dignity then get out of her life right now and let her explore without a backup and then only she would realise your worth. Let there be premium for every risk man.. Cheers & Good Luck..
Author whatodo Posted March 24, 2005 Author Posted March 24, 2005 any other opinions on this. Should i not talk to her at all anymore. She says we should still talk like once or maybe twice a week and really not hang out much. WTH do i do?
emotionsmessmeup Posted March 24, 2005 Posted March 24, 2005 let her live her life without u.. give her all the space she needs!
Author whatodo Posted March 24, 2005 Author Posted March 24, 2005 so most people would agree to cut it off? What do i do when she calls me?
SadAndLonely Posted March 24, 2005 Posted March 24, 2005 I agree. Cut it off. Don't call or contact her. If she calls, avoid the call or answer, be friendly, and tell her you can't talk because you're on your way out the door. You don't have to tell her what you're doing. If she does try to get you back, tell her you're not sure, because you want your space. Unless she works very hard at getting you back, don't even give her the time of day.
Velveteel Posted March 24, 2005 Posted March 24, 2005 Although this will be really painful for you (and maybe even for her), the best thing to do for the moment is cut off contact. When she calls next, tell her the truth. You're not ready for a friendship with her because you still want to be her boyfriend. That isn't healthy for either of you. You need to accept that this is really a break-up, and the only way to do that is to not have contact. She may argue with you, but chances are she will understand it's the right thing. But be prepared: the first few weeks without contact are really hard. You'll spend a lot of time missing her, worrying about what she's doing, and being afraid that she'll forget about you, etc. But ultimately, you will emerge healed and strong and ready for a new relationship.
chicothechimp Posted March 25, 2005 Posted March 25, 2005 it isn't an age this as much as it is a maturity thing... sounds like she just doesn't get what commitment is all about... that being said, she may realize that she did lose out big time with you... but you need to just set some new goals, meet some new people, try a new hobby... do anything but sit around, mope, look at pics of you two, eat excessively, play video for an entire day... you know, basically anything that communicates that you have no life... get a NEW life... embrace the pain so that you are a more mature man when it begins to ease up... do not avoid the pain, loneliness and fear now or you are truly screwed in the long hual... move through it and gain courage, confidence, and a new perspective... one thing I have found since my GF of broke up six months ago (we went outover 2 years) is that many women love my company... lovely, attractive and intelligent women. Don't let her control your life in her absence. Take charge... mourn... and things very gradually will get better and the sun will shine again. Chico
Author whatodo Posted March 25, 2005 Author Posted March 25, 2005 Well i already am doing other things so thats not a problem for me. Sometimes when im in class or i do homework i think about her and before i go sleep. Otherwise i think its ok so far. I do love her A LOT and i think that later on things may go into place. The only thing is that if i ever hear she slept with another guy i would go ballistic. That is the thing that worries me. Also i worry about her and that something might not happen to her. That is it! Otherwise i think i can manage and finding other girls well that is actually fun at times.
greenhorn Posted March 25, 2005 Posted March 25, 2005 Originally posted by whatodo I do love her A LOT and i think that later on things may go into place. The only thing is that if i ever hear she slept with another guy i would go ballistic. That is the thing that worries me. Also i worry about her and that something might not happen to her. That is it! Otherwise i think i can manage and finding other girls well that is actually fun at times. Dude, I deeply empathize with you.But like what others have said you have to call it off, you can never be friend with someone whom you loved like your bf or gf. See you can't control if she sleeps with someone else when you are not in her life, the only thing you can do is not to hear about her or be indifferent to her. You are finding it difficult right now to think about all this cause you love her,just imagine you become her friend and one day she introduces you to her new bf, how would you feel?? would you be able to shout NO cause you are just her friend and nothing more than that. I am exactly of your mentality so I know the best thing is not to hear about her and time to start is NOW. I am not asking to throw out love in one instant but when you find someone who reciprocates your love then you would feel all the more happy. This is life buddy and it ain't bed of roses. Give her space, for the sake of the love that you have for her give her space. Be Strong
pioneer Posted March 25, 2005 Posted March 25, 2005 Trust me, this happened to me, its just a nice way of finishing with you, maintain NC
SoleMate Posted March 26, 2005 Posted March 26, 2005 Not many people responded, possibly because greenhorn said it so well right off the bat. If she is not committed to you, don't DARE let her know how committed you are to her. Otherwise she will CERTAINLY keep you on a little string to use as her fallback, her #2, in between the other #1s (whom she will not tell about you). Let her taste your absence and feel the loss. If it IS a loss in her eyes. (Not trying to be mean, but I don't know what you two had together.)
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