Hope99999 Posted December 22, 2014 Posted December 22, 2014 I met a guy online. Never met him in person but my god did we click. Spoke many times and just couldn't quite believe the connection. After two weeks of messaging and talking, he went quite, not really quite but just one liners. I wondered why and felt sick that I had not heard. I stupidly messaged him saying that maybe I was not for him and wished him well. He then replied say wow, sorry let's sort this out. This was on a Sunday, he needs to think will email that night or tomorrow. Well he didn't so I called him Monday evening and we talked. Again Tuesday I didn't hear from him, I then said ok,no more game playing what's happening. He wrote back,abolishing saying that he felt that we were right at the core but needed to think how we go from here to there. He is not ignoring me just thinking. I missed not hearing from him so just sent updates as to what I was doing. Anyway by Thursday evening sent a tired of waiting just not meant to be. He sent back sorry I felt like that bye. I then called him and said lets sort out what's going on. He said way to much frition he though until last week this was something very special but he is not for me. I have sent a couple of emails saying sorry and maybe friends. Although it was only two weeks God I liked him and really miss him. He said ending up as friends is a nice idea but he needs some time and space away from the friction so he can feel uplifted by communication again and have a good Christmas. This was a week ago. I changed my profile name and a little info but lots the same on the dating site and he messaged me saying I sound lovely fancy chatting. I let him know it was me and he replied saying sorry for any hurt that message may of caused. It didn't. So shall I leave this or contact him now a week later and see how he feels. I see he is logged on a lot to the dating site. Thoughts please........I miss him. I have not felt this connected to someone in a long time. By the way I am in my 40's him too.
PegNosePete Posted December 22, 2014 Posted December 22, 2014 The rules of online dating 1) Don't get attached to people you've never met. 2) Do not get attached to people you've never met! 3) DO NOT get attached to someone you've never met!!! 4) Nothing is real until you meet. Yes I know that could technically be considered one rule but I thought it so important I'd mention it four times. If someone is not interested in meeting then you need to move on. Don't play games, and don't partake in games others play with you. It's pretty obvious that this guy is just messing around and isn't serious about meeting up. Time to move on. Next time - don't get attached until you've met! 3
d0nnivain Posted December 22, 2014 Posted December 22, 2014 You don't actually know him. Online isn't real. You have no idea who was actually on the other end of that key board. The fact that after 2 weeks he went quiet while you were getting sucked in deeper makes me suspect that whoever you were chatting with was telling you what you wanted to hear & wasn't real. There was no reason for you to send the e-mail saying maybe you weren't for each other. People flake all the time on line & you have to expect it. Honesty 14 days of e-mails does not a genuine connection make. The fact that he can't be bothered talking to you but has time to reach out to your new fake profile tells me he is not worth your time & that all the stuff he said to you before was a lie. I am sorry you are hurting but at 40 the level of naivety you are displaying scares me. Somebody is going to take advantage of you if you don't develop some street smarts. Please be careful.
Soverysad123 Posted December 22, 2014 Posted December 22, 2014 (edited) oh dear xx Edited December 22, 2014 by Soverysad123 Wrong info
Author Hope99999 Posted December 22, 2014 Author Posted December 22, 2014 He did want to meet, I wanted to get to know him a little before was worried he would like me in real life. I think he is who he says he is because he has a lot of I go on the web about him as he is well thought of and achieved well in his profession.
PegNosePete Posted December 22, 2014 Posted December 22, 2014 Seems like he was up for a meeting but you turned him down, so he moved on. If I asked someone to meet in real life and she said she wanted to get to know me a little more first - then I would probably think she's not that interested, and move on too. I'm not looking for pen pals. The best way to get to know someone is to meet them in real life. 1
Author Hope99999 Posted December 22, 2014 Author Posted December 22, 2014 Seems like he was up for a meeting but you turned him down, so he moved on. If I asked someone to meet in real life and she said she wanted to get to know me a little more first - then I would probably think she's not that interested, and move on too. I'm not looking for pen pals. The best way to get to know someone is to meet them in real life. So do you think after the silly friction that's it. He did really like me but he knew I needed to get to know him because I felt a little indimited as to who he was. He also gave me his real name which took a lot and said he could not do until we met but he felt comfortable in doing so. So do I just move on because he has.....or has he. Guys a different .
d0nnivain Posted December 22, 2014 Posted December 22, 2014 If you insist on going forward, reach out & set up a meeting IRL. If you can't do that, move on.
KatZee Posted December 22, 2014 Posted December 22, 2014 This was way too intense for a person you never even met. Agreed. Online is not real. If you're not meeting a person within one week of speaking, it's a waste of time. When I was OLD I wasn't looking for texting or email buddies, but tons of guys tried to string me along and pull this with me. I keep all communication short and to the point until we meet...and THAT will be the point you start to get to know them. You clicked online? I can click with ANYONE (literally) online. It's not a real situation and you don't have a clue what you're dealing with. Too many phone calls pressing for "what's going on????" You didn't even meet! If I was talking to someone who went cold? Bye. What am I going to chase for? We never even went on one date.
Diezel Posted December 22, 2014 Posted December 22, 2014 Seems like he was up for a meeting but you turned him down, so he moved on. If I asked someone to meet in real life and she said she wanted to get to know me a little more first - then I would probably think she's not that interested, and move on too. I'm not looking for pen pals. The best way to get to know someone is to meet them in real life. This, time a million. You gave him a "soft rejection".
mysteryscape Posted December 22, 2014 Posted December 22, 2014 Take it from me. Getting involved with someone you've never met via texting is a recipe for trouble. You've found it. My rule now: don't become attached to anyone based on messaging. Meet fast and see what happens. If it's long distance, avoid it or at least be very careful. Cupid works in strange ways. But you can guard against the arrow when you're online, with practice and determination.
Michelle ma Belle Posted December 22, 2014 Posted December 22, 2014 I will echo what the others have said and might even remind you that being online can be and is VERY distracting. When one door closes, another one opens. You get knocked down from one prospect, you dust yourself off and plow through again because there are SCADS of other prospects just a click away. Men seem to possess this ability more than women who tend to get emotionally invested far too early. Attention spans on OLD are fleeting at best. You need to strike when the iron is hot in order to establish if there is indeed a connection or not. If you're going to have any kind of success online you will need to understand how the game is played because it IS different online compared to real life. Dating with your eyes wide open is imperative. Waiting it out and talking endlessly for days or weeks before meeting face to face just doesn't work in this age of technology where immediate gratification runs rampant. It's unfortunate but it's just the way it is anymore. If you're still interested in this guy ask him to meet ASAP. Otherwise chalk it up to experience. As Maya Angelou says "When you know better you do better". I think this applies well in your case. Good luck. 1
Mrin Posted December 22, 2014 Posted December 22, 2014 This, time a million. You gave him a "soft rejection". Yup. He met someone else or two in person and is now gone. Nothing you can do about it except stop contactig him and don't make the same mistake again in the future. Meet early.
mysteryscape Posted December 22, 2014 Posted December 22, 2014 When one door closes, another one opens. You get knocked down from one prospect, you dust yourself off and plow through again because there are SCADS of other prospects just a click away. Men seem to possess this ability more than women who tend to get emotionally invested far too early. Attention spans on OLD are fleeting at best. You need to strike when the iron is hot in order to establish if there is indeed a connection or not. If you're going to have any kind of success online you will need to understand how the game is played because it IS different online compared to real life. Dating with your eyes wide open is imperative. All true, makes you wonder why people bother. In fact I know scads of people who have tried it and given up. I wonder if the OLD sites could be organized to work more like IRL. (While keeping the obvious advantage of OLD i.e. access to people you would never otherwise meet). As it is, I think they are set up to exploit peoples' weaknesses in many ways. Because that's how they keep their business going and making money. Some sites are better than others. I'm a male who for whatever reason is inclined to get carried away with fantasy. So I try to be pretty skeptical now. Meet fast and get on with someone, or else forget it, is my attitude now. It's tough though even for me, even if I meet someone I like to suddenly drop the candy store mentality. At least I've learned to curb my interest and online contact with people I only know from their profiles. 1
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