how can I get over what happened

[chrisseek]

How the hell can I get over about what happened when the douchebag my ex run away with, is a constant reminder of it. He is just everywhere I go. He's in my social circuit, used to be my friend and is quite well known musician. So he's basically at all the parties and gathering that I go. I can of course not go to them but I don't want to have to find all new friends as well. I've already lost my girlfriend to this douchebag. And I don't think he even got her, he just ruined what we had, showing up and showing attention when I was busy and we had some troubling times. Should I just move away to another country? But why do I have do.

 

I wouldn't say that dude was my close friend but I knew him still quite well and way before I knew my ex. More than a acquaintance. He has been at our home, I've borrowed him some stuff etc. He is a musician and my ex was interested in music, although she was a beginner, so I even encouraged them to play together. I feel such an idiot.

 

We were together for two years with my ex and my ex dumped me in the summer. They had been hanging out for some time already. Then after our breakup they really hooked up. I don't know how deep it is between them two. They're not really seen together almost at all. My ex even tells people it's nothing serious and my ex wants to move away. My ex has always been telling me it wasn't because of him he called us quits but whatever.

 

We were really in love with my ex (we were together for 2 years) but we were both a bit rookies and inexperienced how to hold a relationship. I never cheated or anything like that, but she was a bit insecure, she was afraid to loose me and speak up about her wishes and problems. I got really busy with work and sort of drifted a way a bit and she didn't felt she comes as 1st in my life due to that. She felt lacking something from our relationship and also lacking my public displays of affection. Or so she told me later. And so she got interested in another younger dude that she knew liked her. That dude actually had been wanting my ex for the entire time we were together. She knew him a bit before we met and he actually tried to hook up with her just a bit before we met. They even spent some time together before we met, but when my ex met me, she immediately chose me. I was stupid enough to not be jealous as my ex always said she doesn't feel anything for him and he is just a friend. And in some reason I was just so sure about our thing together, whatever obstacles we faced. We never fought. We lived together in our home and to me our life and bond seemed so good and strong, so I didn't suspect anything. I haven never felt so close to anyone but her, and she has repeatedly told me the same. I know she was not lying.

 

My ex even tried to sort of come back to me a few times now after the breakup, or get back closer. But since I sort of welcomed it, she pulled away again. I guess she was just testing. But we've been communicating and dissecting this way too much, that's true.

 

I just still feel so betrayed when I see that dude, ashamed, my confidence is to pieces. I feel totally worn out. My work has really suffered. I’m totally broke and in debts already. I doubt anything I have done in my life really has any real value. I feel I haven’t grown as a person enough. I feel old.

 

I know this is all false. I used to be such a good guy, a total catch. And now I feel my life slipping away from my hands.

 

I know all this sounds pathetic. I would like to be strong and not feel this way but I don’t seem to find a way to do it. I constantly think about her, what went wrong and how I pushed her away and failed to get her back.

 

I know I’m good looking, I’m in pretty good shape. Have been doing successful things in my life. I can be very funny. Girls dig me and have so my entire life. But nothing that has any use for my shattered self esteem. This kind of person I just described doesn't exist any more. I can fake it a bit, but deep down it's all backwards now.

 

I've been working out, going out, meeting new people, hanging out with friends, trying out new things, even seen a therapist, having a few short "rebounds". Nothing seem to really work. Trying to not communicate with her any more. So far I've been givin' in, will not do it anymore.

 

I still love her.

Hard part is that she tells me she loves me still too. Even tried to give me some letter and said it's hard to let go of me. But letting go of me she wants to do.

And I guess me her as well.

 

I really hate weak person I've become because of this. I want to break out of this vicious cycle of thoughts but cannot find a way.

There's a part of me that even sort of wished they would have properly hooped up. Then I'd know it was at least a real good reason. But now it seems I didn't seem to matter her at all. She just wanted some more attention and exploration. I would never run away from a loving relationship with a person who is a friend of both of ours. I could never do that to a person I love.

Edited December 22, 2014 by chrisseek

[Satu]

You need to go Total No Contact. No contact either directly, through a third party, or by social media. The, "I still love you, but we can't be together", type of message just prolongs the agony.

 

Delete, block, forget.

[chrisseek]

She is now moving away until late spring. So I guess that's a good thing considering.

 

But that dude is still everywhere I go or look. I don't even need to look at her social media profile or anything like that. I've unfriended him. But he is everywhere else. In real life and in internet.

 

I really feel I should move away for 6 months at least. But since I'm in such a ****ty financial situation right now and have some commitments too, I cannot move, not before summer.

[Satu]

I think you should stand your ground and stay where you are. Have a break from social media and just ignore him when you see him.

[seany25]

Whenever my ex f*cked me over, I moved away.

 

She had our baby (which I was excluded from the pregnancy etc) & was with a new man.

 

I decided to move away because I wanted to kill the new man & I probably would have. But I chose the new life route rather than a jail cell.

 

I didn't move right away, but once I decided to go I was outta there within 2 or 3 months. I moved 50 miles away & I travel up to see my kid.

 

The guy she was with eventually finished with her, & I still want to kill him for experiencing MY child coming into the world.

 

Count yourself lucky that you don't have such demons following you around.

 

Move. No excuses. It's the best thing you'll ever do. I can vouch for that.