Mx12345 Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 I've been casually dating this guy for two months. Well actually for four months but it was only two months ago that we've actually said were dating. We are not exclusive and I am aware of this. We see each other once a week and text a little bit in between but we still go a few days with no communication. I'm not ok with this but that's another issue. Anyways we met on Match but neither of us have an account anymore. I briefly had a Tinder account two months ago and I saw he was on there. My best friend has a Tinder account and she says she sees him come up every few days, so he's obviously still in there. We both talk about Facebook (bringing up funny stories of things we see on our newsfeed, things that annoy us, etc) but we are not Facebook friends, nor has he ever mentioned us becoming friends. About a month ago I got curious and looked him up. Mostly everything is private but I can see his friends list and who he adds. He has his settings set to I can't add him because we don't have any mutual friends. I have noticed over the month though that he adds a lot of pretty girls. He definitely has a thing for thin blonde girls (I'm thin and blonde too). Don't ask me how I know but I know these girls he adds are girls from Tinder. And he obviously adds them since there's a good chance they can't add him because of his settings. Why doesn't he add me? Why do the other girls get added but I dont? Link to post Share on other sites
KatZee Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 He doesn't want you seeing what he's doing. He doesn't want people to know about you. That's about the only two things I can think of. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mx12345 Posted December 22, 2014 Author Share Posted December 22, 2014 But then why add the random Tinder girls? Wouldn't he not want them knowing what he is doing? Link to post Share on other sites
spanishchick00 Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 Have you tried sending him a friend request? Let's see what happens. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 Why won't he add you on Facebook? For the same reason that four months into dating he's still actively searching on dating sites for other girls. Unfortunately, you aren't it. You aren't going to get what you want out of this. Rather than getting upset or frustrated about Facebook I would move on and find someone who is genuinely interested and excited about being with you. This guy is using you as a placeholder while he continues to search for what he really wants. Why put yourself through this nonsense? Don't you deserve better treatment than this? 8 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mx12345 Posted December 22, 2014 Author Share Posted December 22, 2014 While deep down I know you are right, it just sucks because two months ago I told him I didn't want to just casually see each other anymore so I didn't think we should talk anymore. He told me he liked me and liked spending time with me and he could try more than casual. But it's been a little while and his behavior has barely changed. I should mention that he's not a dick or douchebag so I don't think he was lying when he said he liked me and wanted to try more than casual. I just don't think we are on the same page. Thank you for the advice. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
starrynightz45 Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 It's easy to say things - his actions are what matter. You say you've been "dating" for 2 months - or more like 4. Yet you only see him 1x a week and go a a few days without any communication in between. He won't add you on Facebook, and has made no moves to change since you've told him you'd like to be less than casual. He is still on Tinder. The truth is that he's not taking you seriously or looking for a real commitment. You were pretty clear about what you wanted and he continues to go about things in the same manner as before. You're wasting your time and letting him get away with having his cake and eating it too. You need to have a talk with him and tell him that either you guys move to something more serious, or you're out. And this time, you mean it. You deserve better, but he will continue to do things his way as long as you sit back and let him think its ok. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
BeholdtheMan Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 Why doesn't he add me? Why do the other girls get added but I dont? He only adds girls who are an 8 or a 9. You, baby girl, are a perfect 10. I think you know why... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mx12345 Posted December 22, 2014 Author Share Posted December 22, 2014 He only adds girls who are an 8 or a 9. You, baby girl, are a perfect 10. I think you know why... Can I ask what you mean by this? Link to post Share on other sites
aggie382 Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 Don't ask me how I know but I know these girls he adds are girls from Tinder. No. How do you know this? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 He's not going to get serious with you, and he doesn't want these other girls to know he's even been causally seeing someone. He also doesn't want you to know that he's keeping his options open, because then you wouldn't be his fall-back option anymore. Why are you wasting your time with him? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
acrosstheuniverse Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 The reason I ignored my boyfriend's friend request for a few weeks when we started dating was because I wanted to get to know each other properly, face to face. I didn't want to add him and both instantly have access to the other person's friends, likes and dislikes, activities, favourite music, photos of past relationships, blah blah... I wanted to get to know him properly, to discover his favourite bands by speaking to him across a table and learning about him a bit at a time based on what he wanted to share. I think an early add on Facebook can really ruin that lovely time of getting to know a new partner. However with your guy, I don't think he's into you for a relationship, so he's keeping you separate in case you see what he's up to and either stop seeing him, or go a bit psycho on him. If he was into being with you properly he'd already have made you guys exclusive, he wouldn't be on tinder or dating sites,, he would be adding you so he could set you guys' status to 'in a relationship'. Seeing him once per week, and not being exclusive, he's passing time with you at best. Move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 How do you know he is adding random Tinder girls? Also, personally, I never add anyone I am dating onto my Facebook. That's serious relationship status stuff right there. But honestly, how do you legitimately know the women he is adding are Tinder girls? Link to post Share on other sites
beautifulinside2 Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 I have been exclusive with my boyfriend for 3 months. I know all of his family and most of his closest friends and co workers. Due to the holiday season we have been to a number of work and family events. We are not Facebook friends, however I am facebook friends with his daughters. They requested and accepted while they were using my phone. Lol His daughter asked him why we are not friends and he replied she never sent me a request. I see him 4-5 days a week, I don't care to add him to my list because it adds unnecessary drama, questioning etc.. and I want to get to know him on a personal level not what he sends to random people. I figure we will add eventually... I notice him on Facebook looking at other posts but I don't mention it and he doesn't mention mine. Link to post Share on other sites
cif Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 I don't care what anyone says and the excuses you guys come up with.. someone refusing to add you on their facebook is a big red flag. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
DivorcedDad123 Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 Guys don't this for a reason. I didn't and I saw a woman wanting to instantly be facebook friends as a red flag. If it's early in the relationship,and it doesn't work out, women seem to have this need to post EVERYTHING about it on fb. Then, they'll post it on the guys page,or tag him in it and have their friends pile on too. Too much drama possiblities to add someone too soon. Link to post Share on other sites
Maleficent Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 Guys don't this for a reason. I didn't and I saw a woman wanting to instantly be facebook friends as a red flag. If it's early in the relationship,and it doesn't work out, women seem to have this need to post EVERYTHING about it on fb. Then, they'll post it on the guys page,or tag him in it and have their friends pile on too. Too much drama possiblities to add someone too soon. Considering it's just as easy to delete someone from your friend's list as it is to add one...so what? What I really want to know is how OP knows these girls are from Tinder. ...seems kind of creepy to me... Link to post Share on other sites
DivorcedDad123 Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 Because it usually happens before they can delete/block them. I've seen it over and over. I wouldn't add anyone until I were sure they were long term. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mx12345 Posted December 22, 2014 Author Share Posted December 22, 2014 When I first looked him up a month ago and noticed all the new people he added were pretty girls in our age range in our city, I just had a hunch. Last week a good guy friend of mine was in town and I was discussing the situation with him. He has Tinder and he got on and swiped through a few girls. He swiped through for girls in our area for not even two minutes and I saw two girls that the guy I'm dating had added. I didn't need to see anymore. That plus the fact that my friend says she sees him actively on there led me to draw the conclusion that at least some of these girls he's adding are from Tinder. My biggest complaint is that we WERE just casual. He didn't owe me anything. He could have been dating 10 girls and there was nothing I could do or say. And frankly I didn't care if he saw other girls at that point. But when it did bother me that we were just casual, because I had actually started to like him, I tried to end it. And like I said he's not some douchey guy who's going to tell a girl he likes her just to keep her around for sex. But we didn't end it, because he said he liked me too, and he could be more than casual. Why did he just not taking the damn out when I gave it to him? Link to post Share on other sites
me85 Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 (edited) People treat social media as the most important thing on the planet. It's everything to everyone and it's ridiculous. However, this issue would bother me too. Just ask him to add you. If he objects then he's obviously got something to hide from you. Don't be this guy's fall back crutch because it seems to me he might be keeping you as an option only. In case other potentials don't work out for him. Edited December 22, 2014 by me85 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Frank2thepoint Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 Why did he just not taking the damn out when I gave it to him? Because he likes keeping you around, having fun with you. Nothing more. Link to post Share on other sites
WomenWubber Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 I've been casually dating this guy for two months. Well actually for four months but it was only two months ago that we've actually said were dating. We are not exclusive and I am aware of this. We see each other once a week and text a little bit in between but we still go a few days with no communication. I'm not ok with this but that's another issue. Anyways we met on Match but neither of us have an account anymore. I briefly had a Tinder account two months ago and I saw he was on there. My best friend has a Tinder account and she says she sees him come up every few days, so he's obviously still in there. We both talk about Facebook (bringing up funny stories of things we see on our newsfeed, things that annoy us, etc) but we are not Facebook friends, nor has he ever mentioned us becoming friends. About a month ago I got curious and looked him up. Mostly everything is private but I can see his friends list and who he adds. He has his settings set to I can't add him because we don't have any mutual friends. I have noticed over the month though that he adds a lot of pretty girls. He definitely has a thing for thin blonde girls (I'm thin and blonde too). Don't ask me how I know but I know these girls he adds are girls from Tinder. And he obviously adds them since there's a good chance they can't add him because of his settings. Why doesn't he add me? Why do the other girls get added but I dont? He finds the other girls attractive, so he wants to invest on them. You know this and should accept it and move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 I don't care what anyone says and the excuses you guys come up with.. someone refusing to add you on their facebook is a big red flag. I don't think anyone made any excuses, I think the consensus is that this guy is not OP's boyfriend and is not serious about her. Not adding on FB is the least of her concerns since there are other BIGGER red flags like: they only see each other once a week, she knows they are not exclusive, they only talk sometimes, he's on Tinder and then the last of it is no FB. Link to post Share on other sites
Blakely Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 Hmm. Seems a little sketchy. Try adding one of his friends so you can have a mutual friend. then send him a friend request 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 When I first looked him up a month ago and noticed all the new people he added were pretty girls in our age range in our city, I just had a hunch. Last week a good guy friend of mine was in town and I was discussing the situation with him. He has Tinder and he got on and swiped through a few girls. He swiped through for girls in our area for not even two minutes and I saw two girls that the guy I'm dating had added. I didn't need to see anymore. That plus the fact that my friend says she sees him actively on there led me to draw the conclusion that at least some of these girls he's adding are from Tinder. My biggest complaint is that we WERE just casual. He didn't owe me anything. He could have been dating 10 girls and there was nothing I could do or say. And frankly I didn't care if he saw other girls at that point. But when it did bother me that we were just casual, because I had actually started to like him, I tried to end it. And like I said he's not some douchey guy who's going to tell a girl he likes her just to keep her around for sex. But we didn't end it, because he said he liked me too, and he could be more than casual. Why did he just not taking the damn out when I gave it to him?[/QUOTE] Why would he if you're still open to having a bit of fun with him? You can take yourself out of this situation if it's not working for you. You don't need to wait for him to pull the plug. Link to post Share on other sites
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